Friday, February 25, 2005

Yours truly.

Call of the Kindred


Come to me, little mortal
I can bring you to heaven's portal
There'll be no sorrow, there'll be no pain
Feelings of joy will fill your brain


Come to me, sweet human thing
Give me your heart and I'll make it sing
Forget your fears, leave them behind
Forget the troubles of your kind


Come to me... yes, that's right
Now hold still, it's no good to fight
I'll take your blood, and leave you dying
Didn't you realise I could be lying?

-I obsess about vampire.

Bite me, vampire, drink my blood.
I assure you it tastes good.
I want to be a vampire, too,
I want to hunt for blood with you,
Wander together through the night,
And share all blood 'till morning light.
At daytime I'll lay in your arms
And sleep all day, so nice and warm.
It will be great, just you and me,
Vampires together, wait and see.
Never be lonely, never blue,
Because, my vampire, I love you.


Written by,Me...

Under pressure.

- Today started off badly.Woke up and had a extreme headache.Was like as if I wanted to faint or something like it.It gotten worst when I was in the bathroom.I turned white all of a sudden.But I couldnt spoil myself so,I fought it.And so I got dressed and went downstairs.It gotten even more worst.I was dead pale.I couldnt walk coz if I do,I'd fell.And so mom said I shouldnt go to work.I couldnt drive too.So I rested in bed.Later in the evening,when I feel a lot better,I went to the clinic alone coz my sister didnt want to come with me.So I had to drive.Mom was a wee bit pissed with her.Im sick with major headache and my sister's being selfish.Mom had the every right to be pissed.I was too.The clinic was packed.Knowing Dr.Paramjit.He's such a great doc.I waited for almost an hour.There was so many in betweens.You have no idea.There was this lady who was bitten by her neighbour's dog.Scary.She came waay later after me and went in first.Emergency cases.Highly understanable.And so my turn came.Told everything to my trusty doc.He checked my blood pressure.I have low blood symptoms.Im 18 and I have low blood?Not just low blood.I have low blood,low on sugar and Im under a lot of pressure.Yes,true.Im under a lot of pressure.

- I dont understand why myself.Did I put myself in this condition?Or all this came to me? I tried doing everything right.Everything in my power.But it all never seems enough for anybody.When the doc said Im under alot of pressure,I started thinking.I didnt think that could happen to me.I mean pressure.I think,I think a lot.I do.And it sux.I kept thinking about the what if's in life.And it scares the shit out of me.After what Vijay said about my future,I lost a lot of faith in what I always wanted.It's like,Im never going have any of that.

- Half of me is gone,really.I dont have a purpose in life anymore.The only purpose left is making money.More money.

- I miss my Josh but I kept thinking if he misses me as much as I miss him or he doesnt seem to miss me at all? He's all that I have and all that I want.And he's just has to be in the Phillipines.A place where I have no way to contact him.Like I said,Ive lost all hope.And half of me is gone.Im going to let go now.I dont know what's going to happen to me in the future.Im leaving all that to fate.Whatever that's going to happen,Im going to let it happen.

Thursday, February 24, 2005

Great hair day but boring life.

- And so today's my off day.Man,I really need an off day.I've worked 6 days in a row.And during that period of time,Ive worked 3 days straight of full shift.And a day off seems perfect.Woke up late,I'm not stating what time I woke up.But it was pretty darn late.Don't blame me,blame Sidney Sheldon.I stayed up late just so I could read his book.Tell me your dreams.Man,an awesome book.Finished reading it by 4am.And fell asleep immediately.And woke up darn late.

- Had lunch say at 1pm.And at 3pm,back to sleep till 630pm.Ahaks.Thats a whole lot of sleep in a day.And right now is 733pm.An hour after I woke up.Im doing this now.Received a mail from Josh.That made my day.Hoping to see him tonight.

- Im being unfrenly to everyone now.I know I have issues.I dont care.I'd rather be alone now.In that way,I wont have to waste me credits anymore.And save my monthly salary.

- Ive tried being positive in everyway but failed.Im not like everyone.My self-esteem is on the floor.

- Better go now.Still sleepy.Bye!

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Someone to watch over me.

- Gessh..I havent update my blog for such a long time.My pc was busted.And I just got it back yesterday.These past 3 weeks sucked.Had to work for full shift for a couple of days.Full shift is like 13 hours of work.Daily.And I had to do it for 3 days straight.It was pure tiring.Exausted.But at least I have money coming into my bank account.So that doesnt really matter now does it?It doesnt.Coz other than my working life,Ive got no life at all.I'd better make full use of my working life.Might be doing me some good in the future.Hah.Future.I hate that word.Why?Coz I dont have one.I will never have one.And if I do,it wont be a good one.Maybe I should just appreciate my work in MPH.Maybe that's where I'll be forever.Im never going to start studying.Never going into a college.Let alone university.Hil,if you're reading this,dont say anything.I have the every right to be and feel pathetic now.I have no frens,no partner,no future,nothing.Well,I do have frens,but they've moved on.And I havent.They have other frens,I dont.So,right this very moment,I am alone.I will do everything by myself now.I wont call any of my frens anymore coz I dont want them to give me excuses.Save it.Yes,Ive said what Ive been meaning to say.I've been keeping it for a long time.I kept it coz I dont want to hurt anyone.But now,I dont care.If they can hurt me,why should I care?

- Today Vijay said something about my future.He can predict by using your date of birth.He said I will have a long life.My life wont have ups or downs.It will always be the same.My love life?He said Im gonna have to struggle a bit to succeed in that area.I think I have to struggle to find a guy who's willing to marry a freak like me.Like I will ever find that guy.Right now,I feel even more pathetic.My life will never be pretty now will it?That says alot.

- Joshua?I dont know.I dont know how to get in touch with him now.I'll update when I finally see him.