- I just cant believe how empty and lonely I am now.So empty and lonely that I kinda feel annoyed with myself.But I cant help this things you know.I need and have to move on but I dont want to.Silly me eh?
- Crap, my tummy and back hurts.Sakit sial.Lucky me that I didnt have to work today.If I was working today,I'd go home.I would coz my tummy hurts so bad.Usually it wont hurt as bad.Not an issue.
- Waiting for pay day.1st of april.Sux tau coz we'd usually get it on the 28th.Sial je.They just had to postponed it.Just coz Mabel dah resign.Not my problem.I dah sengkek nie.And I heard we're gonna have to switch bank.Gonna have to open a new account.Not sure which one yet.But yeah.What a hassle.The account,the atm card.Sial je.
- Its 11.34 pm.Think I should make a move now.Came on coz I thought I'd be seeing Josh but he's not here.Guess he's busy.Heck,he's got a lot of better things to do rather than talking to me.Guess he's moved on now.Should I be happy?I should!!
-ok laa..the more i think and talk about josh,the more it hurts.face reality now Dee,its over.FINITO.good nite people.
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
*tsk*
- I just cant believe how empty and lonely I am now.So empty and lonely that I kinda feel annoyed with myself.But I cant help this things you know.I need and have to move on but I dont want to.Silly me eh?
- Crap, my tummy and back hurts.Sakit sial.Lucky me that I didnt have to work today.If I was working today,I'd go home.I would coz my tummy hurts so bad.Usually it wont hurt as bad.Not an issue.
- Waiting for pay day.1st of april.Sux tau coz we'd usually get it on the 28th.Sial je.They just had to postponed it.Just coz Mabel dah resign.Not my problem.I dah sengkek nie.And I heard we're gonna have to switch bank.Gonna have to open a new account.Not sure which one yet.But yeah.What a hassle.The account,the atm card.Sial je.
- Its 11.34 pm.Think I should make a move now.Came on coz I thought I'd be seeing Josh but he's not here.Guess he's busy.Heck,he's got a lot of better things to do rather than talking to me.Guess he's moved on now.Should I be happy?I should!!
-ok laa..the more i think and talk about josh,the more it hurts.face reality now Dee,its over.FINITO.good nite people.
- Crap, my tummy and back hurts.Sakit sial.Lucky me that I didnt have to work today.If I was working today,I'd go home.I would coz my tummy hurts so bad.Usually it wont hurt as bad.Not an issue.
- Waiting for pay day.1st of april.Sux tau coz we'd usually get it on the 28th.Sial je.They just had to postponed it.Just coz Mabel dah resign.Not my problem.I dah sengkek nie.And I heard we're gonna have to switch bank.Gonna have to open a new account.Not sure which one yet.But yeah.What a hassle.The account,the atm card.Sial je.
- Its 11.34 pm.Think I should make a move now.Came on coz I thought I'd be seeing Josh but he's not here.Guess he's busy.Heck,he's got a lot of better things to do rather than talking to me.Guess he's moved on now.Should I be happy?I should!!
-ok laa..the more i think and talk about josh,the more it hurts.face reality now Dee,its over.FINITO.good nite people.
Monday, March 28, 2005
~bah!~
-I think my new chapter in life has just begun.Im single and Im not feeling any better.I feel good and loved and secure when I was with Josh.And I dont like being single.I want Josh!Im sorry but I want Josh.Its hard not being with him.Haih.What to do now?Its really my fault that I lost him.Better have him as a fren rather than not have him at all,innit?
- Work was ok.Actually I had to do full but I did afternoon instead.I slept late coz I couldnt sleep.There was soo many things in my mind last night.
- Not working tomorrow.Yeay~~.
- Mahal kita,Josh.I mean it.(hil,I dont care what you're going to say!)
- Work was ok.Actually I had to do full but I did afternoon instead.I slept late coz I couldnt sleep.There was soo many things in my mind last night.
- Not working tomorrow.Yeay~~.
- Mahal kita,Josh.I mean it.(hil,I dont care what you're going to say!)
Thursday, March 24, 2005
FUCK me.
I want to BF!People may think that Im whiny and all but who cares? This is my freaking blog.And if you dont like it,buzz off.
- I think he's gone.I havent seen him in 4 days already.I wonder what's happening to him.Think he found someone else and decided to not tell me about it coz I mean nothing.Am I being paranoid?AM I? Its just that I dont know a single thing about him now.Its like Im losing him bit by bit and now I lost him completely.Some say Im wasting my time with him but it feels so real.And I actually have feelings for him.A strong feeling.Not just a crush.Its more.I used to think that he's the one for me but now that he's disappeared,I dont know anymore.
- I know Ive been saying that I want to end things with him but I cant.I really cant.It's just that when I talk to him,I melt.He's such a wonderful guy.The sweetest that I'll ever meet.But it's online and the thought of him not being real scares me.What if he's a fake?What if he's playing me?What if there's no JOSH? I cant live with that.He's apart of me now.Somehow.And deep down of me,I want to be apart of him.I want the things that he told me.The things that he promised me.I want all that.But its hard.People say if you dont have trust,you dont have anything at all.
- I do trust him but not 100%.He's in the phils and Im in Malaysia.
- I was talking to Seng Chee just now.And he almost made me cry.He's such a wonderful guy.I want a guy just like him.He talks a lot like Josh.And Seng Chee just officially made me one his best girl friends.ahaks.And he's going to treat me.YUM~..
- I miss Josh.Whatever.But I do miss him...
- I think he's gone.I havent seen him in 4 days already.I wonder what's happening to him.Think he found someone else and decided to not tell me about it coz I mean nothing.Am I being paranoid?AM I? Its just that I dont know a single thing about him now.Its like Im losing him bit by bit and now I lost him completely.Some say Im wasting my time with him but it feels so real.And I actually have feelings for him.A strong feeling.Not just a crush.Its more.I used to think that he's the one for me but now that he's disappeared,I dont know anymore.
- I know Ive been saying that I want to end things with him but I cant.I really cant.It's just that when I talk to him,I melt.He's such a wonderful guy.The sweetest that I'll ever meet.But it's online and the thought of him not being real scares me.What if he's a fake?What if he's playing me?What if there's no JOSH? I cant live with that.He's apart of me now.Somehow.And deep down of me,I want to be apart of him.I want the things that he told me.The things that he promised me.I want all that.But its hard.People say if you dont have trust,you dont have anything at all.
- I do trust him but not 100%.He's in the phils and Im in Malaysia.
- I was talking to Seng Chee just now.And he almost made me cry.He's such a wonderful guy.I want a guy just like him.He talks a lot like Josh.And Seng Chee just officially made me one his best girl friends.ahaks.And he's going to treat me.YUM~..
- I miss Josh.Whatever.But I do miss him...
Friday, March 18, 2005
Ugly.
-Today I feel fugly.It's fucking ugly for those who hasnt a clue.I dont know.Everything about me today feels ugly.My hair sucked today.And 2 pimples..ahahahah..Such a turn off.ahah.
- I havent seen Josh.Im having stupid thoughts now.Not second thoughts.But thoughts.But I miss Josh.God knows how much I miss him.Or maybe he doesnt want me anymore.And thats why I havent seen him.Am I being paranoid or reasonable?
- Whatever la.If die tak nak.tak nak la.
- I havent seen Josh.Im having stupid thoughts now.Not second thoughts.But thoughts.But I miss Josh.God knows how much I miss him.Or maybe he doesnt want me anymore.And thats why I havent seen him.Am I being paranoid or reasonable?
- Whatever la.If die tak nak.tak nak la.
Friday, March 11, 2005
Sweet Pendemonium.
-Everyone today seems to be pms-ing.Starting from my dad who has been pms-ing since 3 days ago.Life has not been juicy since then.And my mom starts pms-ing right after my dad.And today,K.Zizi too.All these stuff makes staying at home a torture.I feel tortured.I feel like working.I feel like doing something without being scared.I stayed at home today with fear.I went home everyday and night from work with fear.And its not fun.It's not freedom.Home is somewhere you feel comfortable and safe.Its not that I dont feel comfy or safe.Dont get me wrong,I do.Its just that I'm scared.Scared of my dad.Scared that he'll flip again.Thats scary.I feel like I have limits at home.People may not know this but Im different when my dad's around.Im scared of him.Not respect but fear.And I know it's not normal.He's not normal.He's 1 in a million.
- Its amazing how he covers himself in front of people.He's truly nice to everyone else.Very nice that some find it hard to believe when I say he's scary and fierce.Even my own friends.But its ok.Its not their fault if they cant see the real him.Coz he's not himself when there's people.Other people.
- I dont get my mom too.If she cant stand him,get a divorce.We want it too.In that way,we're all equally happy.For the first time.But all this are all words.If only actions are as easy as words.If only actions are easy to do as words are easy to say.But thats not reality now is it?I dont get life.
- What is the true meaning of life anyway?To lead life as we please or to have a good life like get a good education,good job,great family and live happily ever after?Cause if thats the case,Im not leading both.Harharhar.
- I once said to Josh that I dont have a purpose in life.I know its selfish of me to say that.But sometime I do feel like I dont have a purpose.Wanna know what Josh said?He said that I do.But when I asked him a stupid question like,what is my purpose? He said that's the best part.We dont know.That I'll know my purpose all in good time.But thats rather true right?You dont know your purpose too,right? What we do now is our purpose.Its our duty to find it.Harharhar...
- Went out with Hilly and Fudgie.Has been a while.Not with Hilly.Just Fudge.I see Hil almost every week.If not everyweek,then its a couple of times a week.Harharhar.They were seriously a bunch of locos.Esp when Fudge is around.She's one big loco madness.She can laugh for no good reason.And I realize that they both curse in every sentence.Hil esp.I curse too,but not as often.Its like,"fucking hot la"."Fucking expensive".That kind of thing.Not that I mind,just that I just noticed.
- It's 9.23pm and I havent seen Josh.Think I said 9 yesterday but I guess he thought it's 1030 or he's running late.Nevermind.I could never get upset with Josh for long.Wanna know why?Coz talking to him melts me.Seriously.Harharhar.Im being corny.But honest corny.Not just plain corny ok?There's so many reasons to love the guy.One thing,he's 20 and he's not afraid of commitment.I like that in a guy.He's almost 21.This 21st of march.Thats coming up real soon.Other than a bf,he's like a bestfren where I can just tell him everything and he'll listen and give good advises.Really.
- I could never get bored talking to him but you could,so I'll stop.Harharhar.Dont think Josh would like me talking about him like this too.Ok,I'll stop..
- Its amazing how he covers himself in front of people.He's truly nice to everyone else.Very nice that some find it hard to believe when I say he's scary and fierce.Even my own friends.But its ok.Its not their fault if they cant see the real him.Coz he's not himself when there's people.Other people.
- I dont get my mom too.If she cant stand him,get a divorce.We want it too.In that way,we're all equally happy.For the first time.But all this are all words.If only actions are as easy as words.If only actions are easy to do as words are easy to say.But thats not reality now is it?I dont get life.
- What is the true meaning of life anyway?To lead life as we please or to have a good life like get a good education,good job,great family and live happily ever after?Cause if thats the case,Im not leading both.Harharhar.
- I once said to Josh that I dont have a purpose in life.I know its selfish of me to say that.But sometime I do feel like I dont have a purpose.Wanna know what Josh said?He said that I do.But when I asked him a stupid question like,what is my purpose? He said that's the best part.We dont know.That I'll know my purpose all in good time.But thats rather true right?You dont know your purpose too,right? What we do now is our purpose.Its our duty to find it.Harharhar...
- Went out with Hilly and Fudgie.Has been a while.Not with Hilly.Just Fudge.I see Hil almost every week.If not everyweek,then its a couple of times a week.Harharhar.They were seriously a bunch of locos.Esp when Fudge is around.She's one big loco madness.She can laugh for no good reason.And I realize that they both curse in every sentence.Hil esp.I curse too,but not as often.Its like,"fucking hot la"."Fucking expensive".That kind of thing.Not that I mind,just that I just noticed.
- It's 9.23pm and I havent seen Josh.Think I said 9 yesterday but I guess he thought it's 1030 or he's running late.Nevermind.I could never get upset with Josh for long.Wanna know why?Coz talking to him melts me.Seriously.Harharhar.Im being corny.But honest corny.Not just plain corny ok?There's so many reasons to love the guy.One thing,he's 20 and he's not afraid of commitment.I like that in a guy.He's almost 21.This 21st of march.Thats coming up real soon.Other than a bf,he's like a bestfren where I can just tell him everything and he'll listen and give good advises.Really.
- I could never get bored talking to him but you could,so I'll stop.Harharhar.Dont think Josh would like me talking about him like this too.Ok,I'll stop..
Tuesday, March 08, 2005
morning glory.
-I dont know why I chose that title.I guess it sounded nice.Didnt go out with Hil as planned.But instead I got another baby nephew.He's darn cute and fair.My sis in law is doing great too.Thats about it.bye.
Sunday, March 06, 2005
Ouch-ness
Everything about me is just so painful.Dont ask me what that means coz I dont know.Ahaks..
- Right now,my back hurts,i'm dead tired and to top it all,my bf's fren is boring..lol..he was just being lazy or maybe i was boring.Guys.I could never understand them.ahah.And guys calls us,girls,hard to understand.Guys,get a grip.You're more complicated than us,girls.
-Guys,as complicated as you are,I need your favor.Get this book.Buy it,stach it,borrow it,whatever.Get this book.It's called,"He's Just Not that Into You".Read it and then tell me if the book's telling lies.Thanks.
- Right now,my back hurts,i'm dead tired and to top it all,my bf's fren is boring..lol..he was just being lazy or maybe i was boring.Guys.I could never understand them.ahah.And guys calls us,girls,hard to understand.Guys,get a grip.You're more complicated than us,girls.
-Guys,as complicated as you are,I need your favor.Get this book.Buy it,stach it,borrow it,whatever.Get this book.It's called,"He's Just Not that Into You".Read it and then tell me if the book's telling lies.Thanks.
Friday, March 04, 2005
Songs of the month.I guess..
- I've been listening to Hoobastank's previous album and my conclusion is that their previous one was better.The latest album is a bit mellow.Nonetheless,I love them just as much.Ahaks.
The two hoobastank's songs that has been stuck in my head for almost a week now.
Remember Me?
I stand here face to face
with someone that I used to know
used to look at me and laugh
Well now he claims
That he's known me for so very long
but I remember being no one
I wanted to be just like you
so perfect, so untouchable
Now you want me to be with you
someone who used to have it all
do you remember now?
you acted liked you never noticed me
forget it!
because the dawn has come around
you're not allowed to be a part of me
Did you know me
or where you too preoccupied with
playing king in your small kingdom
Well now the real world
has stripped you of your royalty
from your kingdom your evicted
I wanted to be just like you
so perfect, so untouchable
Now you want me to be with you
someone who used to have it all
Do you remember now?
you acted liked you never noticed me
FORGET IT!
because the dawn has come around
you're not allowed to be a part of me
part of me (x3)
you're never going to be a part of me (x6)
Do you remember now?
you acted liked you never noticed me
FORGET IT!
because the dawn has come around
you're not allowed to be a part of me
part of me (x3)
Running Away
I don't want you to give it all up
and leave your own life collecting dust
and I don't want you to feel sorry for me
you never gave us a chance to be
And I don't need you to be by my side
and tell me that everythings all right
I just wanted you to tell me the truth
You know I'd do that for you
So why are you running away?
Why are you running away?
I did enough to show you that I was willing to give and sacrafice
and I was the one who was lifting you up
when you thought your life had had enough
when I get close you turn away, nothing that I can do or say
so now I need you to tell me the truth
you know I would do that for you
So why are you running away?
Why are you running away?
Is it me? Is it you?
Nothing that
I can do
To make you change your mind
Is it me? Is it you?
Nothing that
I can do
Is it a waste of time?
Is it me? Is it you?
Nothing that
I can do
to make you change your mind
So why are you running away?
Why are you running away?
(What is it I have to say?)
So why are you running away?
(To make you admit you're afraid)
Why are you running away?
- Music.The one thing that I truly like put aside poetry and books and new age stuff.Havent been listening or improve on my guitar skills.Havent been buying albums too.Hush hush! That's all i guess..
-Im OuT!-
The two hoobastank's songs that has been stuck in my head for almost a week now.
Remember Me?
I stand here face to face
with someone that I used to know
used to look at me and laugh
Well now he claims
That he's known me for so very long
but I remember being no one
I wanted to be just like you
so perfect, so untouchable
Now you want me to be with you
someone who used to have it all
do you remember now?
you acted liked you never noticed me
forget it!
because the dawn has come around
you're not allowed to be a part of me
Did you know me
or where you too preoccupied with
playing king in your small kingdom
Well now the real world
has stripped you of your royalty
from your kingdom your evicted
I wanted to be just like you
so perfect, so untouchable
Now you want me to be with you
someone who used to have it all
Do you remember now?
you acted liked you never noticed me
FORGET IT!
because the dawn has come around
you're not allowed to be a part of me
part of me (x3)
you're never going to be a part of me (x6)
Do you remember now?
you acted liked you never noticed me
FORGET IT!
because the dawn has come around
you're not allowed to be a part of me
part of me (x3)
Running Away
I don't want you to give it all up
and leave your own life collecting dust
and I don't want you to feel sorry for me
you never gave us a chance to be
And I don't need you to be by my side
and tell me that everythings all right
I just wanted you to tell me the truth
You know I'd do that for you
So why are you running away?
Why are you running away?
I did enough to show you that I was willing to give and sacrafice
and I was the one who was lifting you up
when you thought your life had had enough
when I get close you turn away, nothing that I can do or say
so now I need you to tell me the truth
you know I would do that for you
So why are you running away?
Why are you running away?
Is it me? Is it you?
Nothing that
I can do
To make you change your mind
Is it me? Is it you?
Nothing that
I can do
Is it a waste of time?
Is it me? Is it you?
Nothing that
I can do
to make you change your mind
So why are you running away?
Why are you running away?
(What is it I have to say?)
So why are you running away?
(To make you admit you're afraid)
Why are you running away?
- Music.The one thing that I truly like put aside poetry and books and new age stuff.Havent been listening or improve on my guitar skills.Havent been buying albums too.Hush hush! That's all i guess..
-Im OuT!-
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