LOST HALF
My heart is sad,
it's crying,
bloody tears of heart.
My heart misses you,
it needs you to care of,
it needs you to love to,
without you it dies,
without you it has no reason.
Like I was part of your soul,
you were lost piece of my soul,
you were lost half of my heart,
you are my lost love.
Without you what hope do I have?
LOVE MEANT NOTHING
Have you seen reflections, emotions in the others eyes?
Have you stared love in the face, seen it in the eyes?
Have you seen love die in those same eyes?
Seen all that hope, how it is gone, how it just dies?
Have you felt what it feels when love dies? To be left alone?
Have you felt when world falls around you? How you are there alone?
Is there life after that? Is there anything after that pain,
anything after you seen that? After your life has gone in the drain...
I see nothing, all is just gone, drown in my pain, gone for vain...
I have no reason to live, I have felt my soul to die, my soul to be slain...
My life is so useless, worthless, meant nothing to the other, like a love,
it was just there to die and be gone, my love meant nothing, just gone...
THANK YOU
In my life I have lost some things, twice.
I had forgotten how to smile,
how to see bit further, beyond this misery.
I had forgotten how to be happy,
how to trust anyone, give them power over me.
I had forgotten how to be me,
buried everything deep inside, hidden from others.
You taught me how to smile again,
to laugh without reason, to cry from the joy.
You taught me way to be myself,
made me reveal what I am, to give someone power over me.
You taught me how to be happy,
to feel that warmth inside, to believe someone cares.
Thank you for revealing my error again,
showing that path of tears lie in sorrow, not in joy.
Thank you for taking it all away,
making me to hide myself again, to trust no one.
Thank you for telling I am nothing,
pointing my place, to be outcast by my own choice.
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
Tuesday, June 28, 2005
I find bliss in ignorance.
Dear life,
It wont hurt if you give me a little bit of happiness.
Take away this feelings but leave some for Jay Chou and Hayden Christensen and Boyd.
Give me nights where I dont have to cry.
Mom & Dad,
Forgive me if I'll end up alone coz I cant be with anyone.Anymore.I've opened up before and I'm still bleeding.
It wont hurt if you give me a little bit of happiness.
Take away this feelings but leave some for Jay Chou and Hayden Christensen and Boyd.
Give me nights where I dont have to cry.
Mom & Dad,
Forgive me if I'll end up alone coz I cant be with anyone.Anymore.I've opened up before and I'm still bleeding.
Friday, June 24, 2005
Almost.
Today just had to be a dream come true.Everything's falling into places.Almost.Finally registered myself in Taylor's School of Hospitality and Tourism.I will prove to my mom/dad and siblings that I am not a total whackjob.I will catch that dream of mine.Someday.Hilly was with me and she was as excited as I was.She gave me the 'grand' tour.lol.
Gave my SpongeLina a tutor today.I call her SpongeLina coz she's like sponge,she absorbs everything that you say and for that I shall call her SpongeLina.I enjoyed giving her tutors.Probably coz I had the right to say ' If you dont finish your homework,you cant watch tv!'. And the strangest part was,she actually LISTENED to me.I mean,ME.We fight all the time.If I yell at her,she'd yell back.And for her to actually listened to me was utterly amazing.
Later on the evening,SpongeLina's mom(my sister),my younger sister(sarah) and I were browsing thru her test papers and Sarah came across something so funny that all 3 of us was laughing like nobody's business.It was her Bahasa Melayu's test paper.
There was a picture in her test paper and it was a bowl of fish.5 of it in fact in Im not mistaken.It asked how my fishes was in the bowl,the answer would be 'Izam ada 5 ekor ikan'.Instead of saying that,my dearest,smartest SpongeLina wrote,'Izam ade five fish'.She got the answer right but she traslated the answer in english so that made it incorrect.It was a malay test.Hilarious!
Want to go on a diet.Starvation is good.Foods are sinful.Maybe I should just get the pills...
Gave my SpongeLina a tutor today.I call her SpongeLina coz she's like sponge,she absorbs everything that you say and for that I shall call her SpongeLina.I enjoyed giving her tutors.Probably coz I had the right to say ' If you dont finish your homework,you cant watch tv!'. And the strangest part was,she actually LISTENED to me.I mean,ME.We fight all the time.If I yell at her,she'd yell back.And for her to actually listened to me was utterly amazing.
Later on the evening,SpongeLina's mom(my sister),my younger sister(sarah) and I were browsing thru her test papers and Sarah came across something so funny that all 3 of us was laughing like nobody's business.It was her Bahasa Melayu's test paper.
There was a picture in her test paper and it was a bowl of fish.5 of it in fact in Im not mistaken.It asked how my fishes was in the bowl,the answer would be 'Izam ada 5 ekor ikan'.Instead of saying that,my dearest,smartest SpongeLina wrote,'Izam ade five fish'.She got the answer right but she traslated the answer in english so that made it incorrect.It was a malay test.Hilarious!
Want to go on a diet.Starvation is good.Foods are sinful.Maybe I should just get the pills...
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Goddess.
1.YOUR ZODIAC SIGN?
Pisces. And Rooster. And Willow Tree.
2. SINGLE OR TAKEN?
Single as single can be.
3. IF TAKEN, BY WHO?
Hey, I don't need to answer this cause I'm not taken.
4. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SERIOUSLY HURT BY THE PERSON YOU LOVE/D?
Possibly in the past, but it was never intentional.
5. WHAT WOULD BE YOUR REASON IF YOU TURNED SUICIDAL?
I already have my suicidal moments, although these suicidal thoughts are kept in check by the fact that I could never take my own life.
6. IS SUICIDE REALLY KILLING YOURSELF?
It is separating you from this world as we know it. It does put your cold stiff body in the ground, but this could just be in the physical sense that you're dead.
7. PREFER COUNTRY OR CLASSICAL?
I prefer classical over country.
8. PREFER CUTE/IDIOT OR SMART/UGLY?
You could never be ugly if you're smart.Your smartness will overshadow your ugliness.Now that doesnt sound right.Let me put it in a better sentence.Smart guys are always a turn on.No matter how ugly they are,they will always be around people coz people like smart people.Feh.Leave me alone.
9. ARE YOU IN A STABLE RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR BF/GF/CRUSH:
I'm not in a relationship at all.
10. YOU`D EXPECT A TEXT MESSAGE USUALLY FROM:
I dont expect.I have better things to do rather than expecting a text msg.
11. HAVE A BEST FRIEND THAT IS IN THE OPPOSITE GENDER?
Feh.No.
12. WHAT DO YOU LIKE DOING WHEN YOU`RE DEPRESSED?
I'll be emo when Im deppressed and then I'll bug Hilyah.And she will get tired of me.Then only I will spend some quality time alone by reading,writing or listening to music.I'll get over it eventually.I dont have a pattern to follow whenever Im depressed.I'll go away itself just leave me be and I'll be ok.
13. CHEERFUL OR BORING?
I am boring to strangers for I am extremely quiet and shy around strangers.I am cheerful and sarcastic whenever Im with people that Im comfortable with.Im two extremes with no in betweens.
14. DESCRIBE A PERFECT DATE
I've never given a thought about it.I think anything will do as long as Im with a person that I really care about.We can paint a room for all that I care.
15. EVER WONDERED WHY NOBODY KNOWS WHY THE SKY IS BLUE?
Can't this be proved by science? I'm fairly certain I've seen an article somewhere before about science proving why the sky is blue, but I don't remember the reason why (no surprise that I can't remember).
16. EVER BEEN HURT BY LOVE?
Yeh, actually...
17. WILL YOU EVER MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE AGAIN?
I try not to but Im only human.
18. EVER HATED ANYONE?
A few people. I don't really hate them now, so much because I've realized how truly pathetic they are.
19. DO YOU DO ANYTHING WHEN A PERSON BREAKS UP WITH YOU AFTER ONE DAY?
Actually, this hasn't happened to me.
20. GIVE ONE WORD THAT BEST DESCRIBES YOU:
Unpredictable.
21. DO YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF?
Depends on the situation.
22. EVER PHYSICALLY HURT YOURSELF?
Have I?Yes.
23. EVER VERBALLY HURT YOURSELF?
Only when I'm in a depressed state of mind.
24. MOTTO IN LIFE:
I like this one on Grim Rides' site: "Thanks to those who wish us well, Those who don't can go to Hell." Well thats not exactly my motto.Actually I dont have a motto.
25. HAVE YOU EVER DOUBTED THAT SOMETIMES?
Nope, not at all. Its true.You do wish that sometimes.
26. HAVE YOU EVER HAD *EXTRA* FEELINGS ABOUT A BEST FRIEND FROM THE OPPOSITE GENDER?
I've never had a best fren from the opposite sex.I dont know what you're talking about.
27. IF YES, WHAT DID YOU DO ABOUT IT?
I can't answer since I'm not sure what you're talking about.
28. IS FAME & MONEY THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN YOUR LIFE?
Well, money would be nice to have.I dont like the idea of fame.
29. DO YOU MAKE ANY MOVEMENTS OR SOUNDS WHEN YOU`RE SLEEPING?
How would I know? I'm sleeping.
30. ARE YOU DIFFICULT TO WAKE UP?
No.Difficult to get up.
31. HOW OFTEN DO YOU SLEEP?
Whenever I can.
32. ARE YOU CONTENT WITH THAT?
Of course. If I weren't, I'd not sleep whenever I can (which includes sleeping in the breakroom on breaks at work)
33. HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT YOU WERE PERFECT?
Perfectly.... imperfect. If I were perfect, I'd be a goddess.
34. WHO ARE THE PEOPLE THAT YOU REALLY LOVE AND YOU WILL DO ANYTHING FOR HIM/HER?
You know who you are.
NOTE: PLEASE KEEP THE TiTLE OF THiS SURVEY '34 THiNGS ABOUT ME'
Screw you. I"ll give this bulletin/survey any bloody name I please.
Pisces. And Rooster. And Willow Tree.
2. SINGLE OR TAKEN?
Single as single can be.
3. IF TAKEN, BY WHO?
Hey, I don't need to answer this cause I'm not taken.
4. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN SERIOUSLY HURT BY THE PERSON YOU LOVE/D?
Possibly in the past, but it was never intentional.
5. WHAT WOULD BE YOUR REASON IF YOU TURNED SUICIDAL?
I already have my suicidal moments, although these suicidal thoughts are kept in check by the fact that I could never take my own life.
6. IS SUICIDE REALLY KILLING YOURSELF?
It is separating you from this world as we know it. It does put your cold stiff body in the ground, but this could just be in the physical sense that you're dead.
7. PREFER COUNTRY OR CLASSICAL?
I prefer classical over country.
8. PREFER CUTE/IDIOT OR SMART/UGLY?
You could never be ugly if you're smart.Your smartness will overshadow your ugliness.Now that doesnt sound right.Let me put it in a better sentence.Smart guys are always a turn on.No matter how ugly they are,they will always be around people coz people like smart people.Feh.Leave me alone.
9. ARE YOU IN A STABLE RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR BF/GF/CRUSH:
I'm not in a relationship at all.
10. YOU`D EXPECT A TEXT MESSAGE USUALLY FROM:
I dont expect.I have better things to do rather than expecting a text msg.
11. HAVE A BEST FRIEND THAT IS IN THE OPPOSITE GENDER?
Feh.No.
12. WHAT DO YOU LIKE DOING WHEN YOU`RE DEPRESSED?
I'll be emo when Im deppressed and then I'll bug Hilyah.And she will get tired of me.Then only I will spend some quality time alone by reading,writing or listening to music.I'll get over it eventually.I dont have a pattern to follow whenever Im depressed.I'll go away itself just leave me be and I'll be ok.
13. CHEERFUL OR BORING?
I am boring to strangers for I am extremely quiet and shy around strangers.I am cheerful and sarcastic whenever Im with people that Im comfortable with.Im two extremes with no in betweens.
14. DESCRIBE A PERFECT DATE
I've never given a thought about it.I think anything will do as long as Im with a person that I really care about.We can paint a room for all that I care.
15. EVER WONDERED WHY NOBODY KNOWS WHY THE SKY IS BLUE?
Can't this be proved by science? I'm fairly certain I've seen an article somewhere before about science proving why the sky is blue, but I don't remember the reason why (no surprise that I can't remember).
16. EVER BEEN HURT BY LOVE?
Yeh, actually...
17. WILL YOU EVER MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE AGAIN?
I try not to but Im only human.
18. EVER HATED ANYONE?
A few people. I don't really hate them now, so much because I've realized how truly pathetic they are.
19. DO YOU DO ANYTHING WHEN A PERSON BREAKS UP WITH YOU AFTER ONE DAY?
Actually, this hasn't happened to me.
20. GIVE ONE WORD THAT BEST DESCRIBES YOU:
Unpredictable.
21. DO YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF?
Depends on the situation.
22. EVER PHYSICALLY HURT YOURSELF?
Have I?Yes.
23. EVER VERBALLY HURT YOURSELF?
Only when I'm in a depressed state of mind.
24. MOTTO IN LIFE:
I like this one on Grim Rides' site: "Thanks to those who wish us well, Those who don't can go to Hell." Well thats not exactly my motto.Actually I dont have a motto.
25. HAVE YOU EVER DOUBTED THAT SOMETIMES?
Nope, not at all. Its true.You do wish that sometimes.
26. HAVE YOU EVER HAD *EXTRA* FEELINGS ABOUT A BEST FRIEND FROM THE OPPOSITE GENDER?
I've never had a best fren from the opposite sex.I dont know what you're talking about.
27. IF YES, WHAT DID YOU DO ABOUT IT?
I can't answer since I'm not sure what you're talking about.
28. IS FAME & MONEY THE MOST IMPORTANT THINGS IN YOUR LIFE?
Well, money would be nice to have.I dont like the idea of fame.
29. DO YOU MAKE ANY MOVEMENTS OR SOUNDS WHEN YOU`RE SLEEPING?
How would I know? I'm sleeping.
30. ARE YOU DIFFICULT TO WAKE UP?
No.Difficult to get up.
31. HOW OFTEN DO YOU SLEEP?
Whenever I can.
32. ARE YOU CONTENT WITH THAT?
Of course. If I weren't, I'd not sleep whenever I can (which includes sleeping in the breakroom on breaks at work)
33. HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT YOU WERE PERFECT?
Perfectly.... imperfect. If I were perfect, I'd be a goddess.
34. WHO ARE THE PEOPLE THAT YOU REALLY LOVE AND YOU WILL DO ANYTHING FOR HIM/HER?
You know who you are.
NOTE: PLEASE KEEP THE TiTLE OF THiS SURVEY '34 THiNGS ABOUT ME'
Screw you. I"ll give this bulletin/survey any bloody name I please.
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Prim and Proper.
Work has been hellish.Its like the more I work the more work I have.It piled up.Like it aint going to finish.To add it all up,Mr Ong is pms-ing.
Yesterday was aweful.I had an argument with a fucked up chinese customer.She was insulting me.She said that I was slow and shit.I WAS talking to another customer.And she kept saying that we,Malaysians are not observant and slow and that Singapore doesnt have this kind of problems.I was in a pissy mood before she came coz Vijay made me do something when I was really busy and I kinda missed my lunch because of it.And so I said 'If Singapore's too damn good and you're too damn good for Malaysia,why the hell are you here?' Of course,she filed a complaint.Not that I care since Ive tendered my resignation letter and will be leaving in 2 weeks or so.So that complaint letter did not get to me.Fuck off stupid singaporeans.
The phrase 'Time Will Heal',I dont know whether to agree or disagree with that phrase.Maybe it'll take years.Maybe I'm not over him.Maybe I havent stopped crying.Maybe just maybe I want to say 'mahal kita' in hoping someone would say 'mahal din kita' back.Maybe I just missed hearing my one and my only say 'mahal kita'.Maybe I just missed being in love and able to share that feeling with another person rather than keeping it to myself.
Maybe I just missed seeing his name popped out whenever he comes online.Maybe I just missed getting text msges from him.Maybe I just missed talking to him...
At some point last week,I thought I was over him.But the thought of him being with someone else.Said the same things he used say to me,I really couldnt handled it.I was so used to calling him mine.It has been almost 3 months or more.I hate the feeling Im feeling now.Its more like confused and I have to say that Im in deep denial.
I bought new pair of sunglasses.Oh my.Im a sunglasses freak arent I?Oh well.I want a long pearl necklace.I have to buy new clothes for I have to look presentable in college.Hospitality is not a course where you can just where anything.I cant wear denim or jeans.It has to be nice.Prim and proper and everything that Im not used to.So excited!
My new chapter is life is yet to start...Soon i hope.
Yesterday was aweful.I had an argument with a fucked up chinese customer.She was insulting me.She said that I was slow and shit.I WAS talking to another customer.And she kept saying that we,Malaysians are not observant and slow and that Singapore doesnt have this kind of problems.I was in a pissy mood before she came coz Vijay made me do something when I was really busy and I kinda missed my lunch because of it.And so I said 'If Singapore's too damn good and you're too damn good for Malaysia,why the hell are you here?' Of course,she filed a complaint.Not that I care since Ive tendered my resignation letter and will be leaving in 2 weeks or so.So that complaint letter did not get to me.Fuck off stupid singaporeans.
The phrase 'Time Will Heal',I dont know whether to agree or disagree with that phrase.Maybe it'll take years.Maybe I'm not over him.Maybe I havent stopped crying.Maybe just maybe I want to say 'mahal kita' in hoping someone would say 'mahal din kita' back.Maybe I just missed hearing my one and my only say 'mahal kita'.Maybe I just missed being in love and able to share that feeling with another person rather than keeping it to myself.
Maybe I just missed seeing his name popped out whenever he comes online.Maybe I just missed getting text msges from him.Maybe I just missed talking to him...
At some point last week,I thought I was over him.But the thought of him being with someone else.Said the same things he used say to me,I really couldnt handled it.I was so used to calling him mine.It has been almost 3 months or more.I hate the feeling Im feeling now.Its more like confused and I have to say that Im in deep denial.
I bought new pair of sunglasses.Oh my.Im a sunglasses freak arent I?Oh well.I want a long pearl necklace.I have to buy new clothes for I have to look presentable in college.Hospitality is not a course where you can just where anything.I cant wear denim or jeans.It has to be nice.Prim and proper and everything that Im not used to.So excited!
My new chapter is life is yet to start...Soon i hope.
Monday, June 20, 2005
pfft.
FIRSTS
First school: Probably SRK Subang Jaya.
First pet: Ive never had a cat.I wonder why?
First piercing/tattoo: Piercing: my ears when I was 11 years old I think.
First kiss: Pfft.Ive never been kissed.Still waiting for the right person.
First enemy: I'm not sure, and I'm betting I've got more enemies than I think.
First big trip: Probably London and ended up staying there for awhile.
First concert: I don't remember, some local one.
First best friend: Her name is Leong Ai Jin.I lost contact with her when she moved to Seafield.
First car: My bee.Kelisa.Black and yellow.
First date: A movie.
First break-up: 3 months ago.I consider it as my first real relationship.
First screen name: Bloody hell, you're asking me to remember something from about 3 years ago!
First self purchased album: Damn. You know, I just don't remember.
LASTS:
Last car ride: Today when I came home from work.
Last library book checked out: Uglies.
Last beverage drank: Just plain water.
Last food consumed: Snacks.
Last phone call: 2 hours ago,I called Hilly.
Last CD played: My Chemical Romance.
Last soda drank: 2 weeks ago.I dont drink sodas anymore.
Last ice cream eaten: Oh my,it has been a while.
Last jewelry worn: My watch.
DO YOU/HAVE YOU:
Been in love: Indeed.
Drank: No. I think its a stupid thing to do, and I have better ways to spend my time and money.
Smoked: Please refer to previous answer.
Kissed the same sex: No.
Play an instrument: Oh yes.
Believe there is life on other planets: Hey, there is nothing to prove that there isn't.
Have Gay or Lesbian friends: No.
Believe in miracles: It's a miracle I'm still here.
Believe in astrology: Not really, because it's always all wrong for me.
Have a best friend or best friends: Just close frens.
Wish on stars: No,never did never will.
Have any bad habits: I procrastinate.Alot.
Been to a foreign country: Yeah.
Been in a car accident: Not that I can recall.
Do you believe in love: Yes, and I also think that most people never find true love.... not with the way everyone fucks around with others even if they're married or in a serious relationship. People are damned stupid.... no wonder I'm fairly antisocial...
Do you believe in forgiveness: For the most part.... sometimes.
Care about anybody special right now?: As in a significant other? I don't have a significant other.
FUTURE:
Where do you want to go to college: I'll be in Taylor's school of hospitality soon.
CURRENT:
Current mood: Worried and confused.
Current music: Not listening to anything.
Current taste: As in, food taste? Nothing, really.
Current clothes: A black shirt with boxers.
What color socks are you wearing: Why would I wear socks?I live in MALAYSIA. Its hot all year.
What Color underwear are you wearing: Black one with purple polka dots.
What's under your bed?: Dust.
What time did you wake up today: 8 am.
First school: Probably SRK Subang Jaya.
First pet: Ive never had a cat.I wonder why?
First piercing/tattoo: Piercing: my ears when I was 11 years old I think.
First kiss: Pfft.Ive never been kissed.Still waiting for the right person.
First enemy: I'm not sure, and I'm betting I've got more enemies than I think.
First big trip: Probably London and ended up staying there for awhile.
First concert: I don't remember, some local one.
First best friend: Her name is Leong Ai Jin.I lost contact with her when she moved to Seafield.
First car: My bee.Kelisa.Black and yellow.
First date: A movie.
First break-up: 3 months ago.I consider it as my first real relationship.
First screen name: Bloody hell, you're asking me to remember something from about 3 years ago!
First self purchased album: Damn. You know, I just don't remember.
LASTS:
Last car ride: Today when I came home from work.
Last library book checked out: Uglies.
Last beverage drank: Just plain water.
Last food consumed: Snacks.
Last phone call: 2 hours ago,I called Hilly.
Last CD played: My Chemical Romance.
Last soda drank: 2 weeks ago.I dont drink sodas anymore.
Last ice cream eaten: Oh my,it has been a while.
Last jewelry worn: My watch.
DO YOU/HAVE YOU:
Been in love: Indeed.
Drank: No. I think its a stupid thing to do, and I have better ways to spend my time and money.
Smoked: Please refer to previous answer.
Kissed the same sex: No.
Play an instrument: Oh yes.
Believe there is life on other planets: Hey, there is nothing to prove that there isn't.
Have Gay or Lesbian friends: No.
Believe in miracles: It's a miracle I'm still here.
Believe in astrology: Not really, because it's always all wrong for me.
Have a best friend or best friends: Just close frens.
Wish on stars: No,never did never will.
Have any bad habits: I procrastinate.Alot.
Been to a foreign country: Yeah.
Been in a car accident: Not that I can recall.
Do you believe in love: Yes, and I also think that most people never find true love.... not with the way everyone fucks around with others even if they're married or in a serious relationship. People are damned stupid.... no wonder I'm fairly antisocial...
Do you believe in forgiveness: For the most part.... sometimes.
Care about anybody special right now?: As in a significant other? I don't have a significant other.
FUTURE:
Where do you want to go to college: I'll be in Taylor's school of hospitality soon.
CURRENT:
Current mood: Worried and confused.
Current music: Not listening to anything.
Current taste: As in, food taste? Nothing, really.
Current clothes: A black shirt with boxers.
What color socks are you wearing: Why would I wear socks?I live in MALAYSIA. Its hot all year.
What Color underwear are you wearing: Black one with purple polka dots.
What's under your bed?: Dust.
What time did you wake up today: 8 am.
Sunday, June 19, 2005
My anger.
- I hate the fact that people doesnt appreciate the things that I do.I am not asking anything in return,just want you to appreciate it.
- I hate the fact that I thought Im over him.I just realize that I'm not over him.I just had a conversation with him.And that conversation itself,made me cry.I just missed him tho he didnt missed me at all or as much.
- I hate the fact that I have to have feelings for guys tho most of them treated me like shit.
- I hate the way I'm hurting now.I shouldnt but I am.
- I hate the fact that my eyes are giving me deep problems.If it doesnt go away,operation is the only option.And Im up for it.And oh,I have a lump on my eye left eye.
- I hate the fact that I thought Im over him.I just realize that I'm not over him.I just had a conversation with him.And that conversation itself,made me cry.I just missed him tho he didnt missed me at all or as much.
- I hate the fact that I have to have feelings for guys tho most of them treated me like shit.
- I hate the way I'm hurting now.I shouldnt but I am.
- I hate the fact that my eyes are giving me deep problems.If it doesnt go away,operation is the only option.And Im up for it.And oh,I have a lump on my eye left eye.
Friday, June 17, 2005
TO: JOSHUA.
And I found out that life goes with you/Tho my days arent flattering/At least Ive stopped crying/Its not that Ive stopped loving you/Not that I've stopped caring/I do/So much in fact.
Probably because I havent seen you in awhile/And maybe just maybe/I forgot what it was like spending time with you.
I didnt mean to be so qruel and cold/It was just me/And I finally accepted that we're not meant to be/Tho it hurts so bad to say it/But I cant deny a true fact/At least not anymore.
My heart is still bleeding/I used to think that it will never heal/But today/Somehow,someday/I know it will.
To forget you/I will not/For you've made me feel so precious and loved/When I thought I was incapable in loving anyone anymore.
You've changed me/In a way that you couldnt have thought you did/And for that/Thank you.
Thou shall not fret/For this is not goodbye/We'll meet again/But this time/Without pain/We'll be good friends/Until the end.
And if its in the stars/I believe/We'll be together again/One day.
Delaila(with a lil help from hilly)
Probably because I havent seen you in awhile/And maybe just maybe/I forgot what it was like spending time with you.
I didnt mean to be so qruel and cold/It was just me/And I finally accepted that we're not meant to be/Tho it hurts so bad to say it/But I cant deny a true fact/At least not anymore.
My heart is still bleeding/I used to think that it will never heal/But today/Somehow,someday/I know it will.
To forget you/I will not/For you've made me feel so precious and loved/When I thought I was incapable in loving anyone anymore.
You've changed me/In a way that you couldnt have thought you did/And for that/Thank you.
Thou shall not fret/For this is not goodbye/We'll meet again/But this time/Without pain/We'll be good friends/Until the end.
And if its in the stars/I believe/We'll be together again/One day.
Delaila(with a lil help from hilly)
Thursday, June 16, 2005
A little something that I did..
You gotta be out there/You gotta be somewhere/Wherever you are/Im waiting/Coz there are these nights when/I sing myself to sleep/And I'm hoping my dreams/Bring you close to me/Are you listening?
Hear me/Im crying out/Im ready now/Turn my world upside down/Find me/Im lost inside this crowd/Its getting loud/I need you to see/Im screaming for you to please/Hear me.
I used to be so scared/Of letting someone in/But it gets so lonely/Being on my own/No one to talk to/And no one to hold me/Im not always strong/Oh I need you here/Are you listening?
Im restless and wild/I fall but I try/I need someone to understand/Can you hear me?/Im lost in my thoughts/And baby Ive fought/For all that Ive got/Can you hear me?
Hear me/Im crying out/Im ready now/Turn my world upside down/Find me/Im lost inside this crowd/Its getting loud/I need you to see/Im screaming for you to please/Hear me.
I used to be so scared/Of letting someone in/But it gets so lonely/Being on my own/No one to talk to/And no one to hold me/Im not always strong/Oh I need you here/Are you listening?
Im restless and wild/I fall but I try/I need someone to understand/Can you hear me?/Im lost in my thoughts/And baby Ive fought/For all that Ive got/Can you hear me?
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
I LIKE.
Your Looks
Hair color: Currently black.
Eye color: Dark brown.
Do you wear contacts or glasses: No contacts, no glasses.
Do you have any piercings: One in each ear.
Where do you want it to be, if you want more?: I personally think more piercings would look stupid on me.
Do you have a tattoo: No, and not interested.
If you were to get one, what and where: Oh my, I just told you the answer in the previous question's answer.
Do you wear any rings: No.
Do you have a certain fashion you follow: Yes, it's called "I'll wear whatever the bloody hell I feel like wearing."
Just Lately
How are you today: Oh, my eyes are giving me problems.
What does your hair look like at the moment: Tied?
What song are you listening to right now: Nothing, at the moment.
What was the last thing you ate: Cadbury marble chocolate.
How is the weather right now: Cooled off considerably, raining, some thunder here and there, probably still lightning out also.
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My collegue,Hema.She wanted to know Mint's phone number.You really think people would call me without a purpose?
Last Dream you can remember: It has something to do with the spookiness that's happening in my house.
Who are you talking to right now: No one.
More About You
Ever almost died: A few times considering I was dumb to cut myself.
How do you eat an Oreo: Many,many at a time.But I barely have oreos nowadays.
What makes you happy: Writing.And work.
What's the best advice ever given to you: 'People study coz they want to work,but now that you're working..' Yeah..The advice rock my world.Not.
Have you ever won any special award: Not that I'm aware of. Unless I have and no one told me I did.
What are your future goals?: To own a restaurant or at least a cafe.And visit Holland and be with all the Tulips in the world.
Do you like to dance: Actually I do.
Worst sickness you've ever had: 3 years ago.When I had 17 stitches somewhere and I cant eat anything but soup.And I dont like soup.Torture.
What's the stupidest thing you've ever done?: Since I don't remember stuff like this, you'd have to ask someone else.
What's your favorite memory: Actually 2004 was a good year for me.Probably I was with My One and My Only.He still is,its just that he doesnt know it.Feh.
If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?: The only thing I would change is that I'd be a few inches taller.
Where do you shop the most: Any store that sells cds or Nightmare Before Christmas stuff.
How many kids do you want to have: 3 the most.
Son's name: I like Adam.
Daughter's name: Iris or Hazel.
Do you do drugs: I have better ways to spend my time and money.
Do you drink: Again, I have better ways to spend my time and money.
What kind of shampoo and conditioner do you use: Whatever one I decided to buy when I last bought shampoo and conditioner.
What sport do you hate the most: Which one do I hate the most? Oh my, this is a difficult decision. Hmm. It's a tie between boxing and golf.
What are you most scared of: You'll never know. Those of you who read these things will notice that my answer changes each time I fill one of these out.
How many TV's do you have in your house: One upstairs, two downstairs.
Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: There's one on my bed but I dont hold it or anything.Its just there.A gift from my collegues.
Who do you tell your dreams to? Ones that have significance to them, I write down in a journal; I don't tell anyone those dreams. There are some that I have that are just so stupid that I might tell people.
Who's the loudest friend you have: I dunno.
Who's the quietest friend?: -
Is Cheerleading a sport?: I guess? They have practices and competitions... hey, some people even consider Chess to be a sport. However, I don't care about sports or whether something is or isn't a sport.
You and Love
Where would you like to go on your honeymoon: Holland.
What song do you want played at your wedding: "Haunt Me" - Wednesday 13. Or maybe "Sonne" - Rammstein.
Longest crush: Like I remember or care.
Are you shy to ask someone out: Not really.
Do others find you attractive: I dont know.Ask them.
This Or That?
Lights on/off: Well, if I'm walking through a room and it's dark outside, it'd be nice to have the lights on so I can see where I'm going and not trip on anything. If I'm sleeping, then I'd rather have the lights off.
Sun or rain: The sun is nice, but rain is nice too.
Mickey D's or BK: Both.
Scary or happy movies: Scary movies. Once in a while, a happy one is ok.
Backstreet Boys or NSYNC: Bsb.
On the phone or in person: I hate the phone.... so, in person.
Summer or winter: Neither. Spring and autumn.
Hugs or kisses: Don't touch me unless I give you permission to.
Chocolate or white milk: Chocolate milk.
Root Beer or Dr. Pepper: Vanilla coke.
CD or Tape: CD.
Cats or Dogs: Cats.
Vanilla or Chocolate: Chocolate-vanilla.
Skiing or Boarding: Sleeping.
Cake or pie: Cake.
Diamond or pearl: Pearl.
Sunset or sunrise: Sunset.
Favorites
Color: Black, chrome, cerulean, dark purple, wine red, bing-cherry red , white.
Fast Food: McD.
Candy: I dont eat candy.
Sport: Who's going chicken huntin? ... We's going chicken huntin!
Just kidding. Maybe.
Song: Oh my,I really dont want to type it all out.
Actor or Actress: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler and Liv Tyler.
Show: Doesnt matter.
Ever…
Loved someone so much it makes you cry: Indeed.
Drank: Nope, never had the interest to do so, and never will.
Broken the law: Only by speeding. And getting caught doing so.
Ran from the cops: Nope. I'm a perfect angel.
Stole something: Oh, I suppose this would qualify as breaking the law also, wouldn't it?
*Complete The Sentence:
I once had a dream... that all my dreams came true.Ironic innit?
I don't even know why... I bothered listening to my mom.She'd lie again.
I'd give anything to have sex with... Actually,you can say Im lying or talking trash,I dont have interest in sex.
Nothing sucks more than... having a lump on your eyes.It'll make you look..umm weird.
If I had six bucks I'd buy... some more cadbury marble choc.
It's always more fun when I am with... my car.
You can't eat steak without... soy sauce!
I really like you and everything but... the Street Freak doesn't like you, so we'll just have to be friends. I'm sorry. [not really]
*What would you do if...
A dirty old guy at the airport slaps your ass? Deck him with my metal lunchbox.
Somebody was about to steal your car? Deck them with my metal lunchbox. Kick them. When they're down on the ground, kick them some more. Then run them over with my car.
You wake up with a billion spiders crawling all over you and your bed? A billion? Seriously? Damn, that's a lot of spiders. I don't think they'd all fit on my bed.
The person you just kissed told you they have oral herpes? Deck them with my lunchbox, then run them over with my car.
You had three wishes? Hmm..I cant think of anything with 2 wishes but I do know that I will ask for another 3 wishes for my last wish.
The government allowed you to choose one thing to be made legal? "And you're the reason that murder should be legalized..." Hmm. I don't know. I don't really care.
Britney Spears was at your front door asking for jumper cables? Tell her she's got more than enough money to go to Carrefour and buy her own dame jumper cables....
Had a time machine?I dunno. Probably let it sit in the basement collecting dust.
FOX gave you a half hour show to do whatever you wanted? And why would I want this?
*Would you rather...
Find the cure for cancer or AIDS? Right now, I'd have to say cancer since most people with AIDS deserves it.
Have the power to fly or the power to teleport? And why can't I have both?
Have the power to see the future or to record your dreams? I already record my dreams (in a sense) by writing them down in a journal ..
Would you rather be really skinny or really fat? Skinny.
Would you rather be in a drama movie or a comedy? Depends what the storyline is.
Be lost in a forest or stuck in a box? Well, I'm not sure what I'd be doing in a box to begin with, but I'll go with 'lost in a forest'.
Be in a hip hop video or a rock video? I don't want to be in a video. If I have to choose though, I'd say a rock video.
Would to rather have your birthday on Christmas Day or February 29th? I pity those who was born on Feb 29.I do.I really do.
Would you rather live in the sewer, or in Afghanistan? I'm not a Ninja Turtle... so I'd prefer to live above ground.
Would you rather be in a mental institution or in a penitentiary? I'd have to go with mental institution because if I ever do end up in one (which could happen) I'd probably be locked up in solitary confinement.
Would you rather snowboard or hang glide? Neither. Can I go sledding instead?
Would you rather be a ninja or a pirate? Ninja-pirate? Pirate-ninja??
*What’s the first thing that comes to you mind when you see the word...
Courage: The Red Badge of Courage.
Driver: Passenger.
Yoga: Yoga mats.
Bakery: German Chocolate Cake.
Roach: "Welcome to Joe's Apartment...."
Mushrooms: Pizza.
Sprung: "Well, I see what the problem is. Your radiator has sprung a leak."
Exotic: Pet Shop of Horrors.
Pythagorean: Geometry.
*Miscellaneous:
What's your definition of love? When you accept someone completely for who and what they are, and would do anything for them.
List 3 words that are clues about a person you are interested in: Starts with J.Not from Malaysia.My One and My Only.
Who or what is your worst enemy? Shhh.... it's a secret.
Who is the last person you kicked? Well now, this is random. I don't know.
If you had to be a chess piece, which piece would you be? The Queen.
Name a person you know whose name begins w/ the first letter of your last name: Denise.
What's a romantic thing somebody’s done for you? Does calling you from abroad counts?
*What is Your Opinion?
"Girls are nothing but drama." Some are, some aren't.
"Only idiots watch The Simpsons."? Only idiots hang out at MPH for hours without buying anything.
"Kentucky is way better than Cali."? I don't care.
"There's nothing wrong with stealing.": Hey. Don't steal; the Government hates competition.
"Alcohol is the answer to all your problems."? Duct tape solves everything.
"You don't need to go to college to be a brain surgeon."? I'll be damned if you're operating on my brain then.
"Music is stupid."? As if I care what you think.
"Your car sucks."? Still gonna be saying that after it has run you over... then backed up over you.. then ran you over again..... then backed up over you .... [repeat each action a few more times]
Hair color: Currently black.
Eye color: Dark brown.
Do you wear contacts or glasses: No contacts, no glasses.
Do you have any piercings: One in each ear.
Where do you want it to be, if you want more?: I personally think more piercings would look stupid on me.
Do you have a tattoo: No, and not interested.
If you were to get one, what and where: Oh my, I just told you the answer in the previous question's answer.
Do you wear any rings: No.
Do you have a certain fashion you follow: Yes, it's called "I'll wear whatever the bloody hell I feel like wearing."
Just Lately
How are you today: Oh, my eyes are giving me problems.
What does your hair look like at the moment: Tied?
What song are you listening to right now: Nothing, at the moment.
What was the last thing you ate: Cadbury marble chocolate.
How is the weather right now: Cooled off considerably, raining, some thunder here and there, probably still lightning out also.
Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? My collegue,Hema.She wanted to know Mint's phone number.You really think people would call me without a purpose?
Last Dream you can remember: It has something to do with the spookiness that's happening in my house.
Who are you talking to right now: No one.
More About You
Ever almost died: A few times considering I was dumb to cut myself.
How do you eat an Oreo: Many,many at a time.But I barely have oreos nowadays.
What makes you happy: Writing.And work.
What's the best advice ever given to you: 'People study coz they want to work,but now that you're working..' Yeah..The advice rock my world.Not.
Have you ever won any special award: Not that I'm aware of. Unless I have and no one told me I did.
What are your future goals?: To own a restaurant or at least a cafe.And visit Holland and be with all the Tulips in the world.
Do you like to dance: Actually I do.
Worst sickness you've ever had: 3 years ago.When I had 17 stitches somewhere and I cant eat anything but soup.And I dont like soup.Torture.
What's the stupidest thing you've ever done?: Since I don't remember stuff like this, you'd have to ask someone else.
What's your favorite memory: Actually 2004 was a good year for me.Probably I was with My One and My Only.He still is,its just that he doesnt know it.Feh.
If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?: The only thing I would change is that I'd be a few inches taller.
Where do you shop the most: Any store that sells cds or Nightmare Before Christmas stuff.
How many kids do you want to have: 3 the most.
Son's name: I like Adam.
Daughter's name: Iris or Hazel.
Do you do drugs: I have better ways to spend my time and money.
Do you drink: Again, I have better ways to spend my time and money.
What kind of shampoo and conditioner do you use: Whatever one I decided to buy when I last bought shampoo and conditioner.
What sport do you hate the most: Which one do I hate the most? Oh my, this is a difficult decision. Hmm. It's a tie between boxing and golf.
What are you most scared of: You'll never know. Those of you who read these things will notice that my answer changes each time I fill one of these out.
How many TV's do you have in your house: One upstairs, two downstairs.
Do you sleep with a stuffed animal: There's one on my bed but I dont hold it or anything.Its just there.A gift from my collegues.
Who do you tell your dreams to? Ones that have significance to them, I write down in a journal; I don't tell anyone those dreams. There are some that I have that are just so stupid that I might tell people.
Who's the loudest friend you have: I dunno.
Who's the quietest friend?: -
Is Cheerleading a sport?: I guess? They have practices and competitions... hey, some people even consider Chess to be a sport. However, I don't care about sports or whether something is or isn't a sport.
You and Love
Where would you like to go on your honeymoon: Holland.
What song do you want played at your wedding: "Haunt Me" - Wednesday 13. Or maybe "Sonne" - Rammstein.
Longest crush: Like I remember or care.
Are you shy to ask someone out: Not really.
Do others find you attractive: I dont know.Ask them.
This Or That?
Lights on/off: Well, if I'm walking through a room and it's dark outside, it'd be nice to have the lights on so I can see where I'm going and not trip on anything. If I'm sleeping, then I'd rather have the lights off.
Sun or rain: The sun is nice, but rain is nice too.
Mickey D's or BK: Both.
Scary or happy movies: Scary movies. Once in a while, a happy one is ok.
Backstreet Boys or NSYNC: Bsb.
On the phone or in person: I hate the phone.... so, in person.
Summer or winter: Neither. Spring and autumn.
Hugs or kisses: Don't touch me unless I give you permission to.
Chocolate or white milk: Chocolate milk.
Root Beer or Dr. Pepper: Vanilla coke.
CD or Tape: CD.
Cats or Dogs: Cats.
Vanilla or Chocolate: Chocolate-vanilla.
Skiing or Boarding: Sleeping.
Cake or pie: Cake.
Diamond or pearl: Pearl.
Sunset or sunrise: Sunset.
Favorites
Color: Black, chrome, cerulean, dark purple, wine red, bing-cherry red , white.
Fast Food: McD.
Candy: I dont eat candy.
Sport: Who's going chicken huntin? ... We's going chicken huntin!
Just kidding. Maybe.
Song: Oh my,I really dont want to type it all out.
Actor or Actress: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler and Liv Tyler.
Show: Doesnt matter.
Ever…
Loved someone so much it makes you cry: Indeed.
Drank: Nope, never had the interest to do so, and never will.
Broken the law: Only by speeding. And getting caught doing so.
Ran from the cops: Nope. I'm a perfect angel.
Stole something: Oh, I suppose this would qualify as breaking the law also, wouldn't it?
*Complete The Sentence:
I once had a dream... that all my dreams came true.Ironic innit?
I don't even know why... I bothered listening to my mom.She'd lie again.
I'd give anything to have sex with... Actually,you can say Im lying or talking trash,I dont have interest in sex.
Nothing sucks more than... having a lump on your eyes.It'll make you look..umm weird.
If I had six bucks I'd buy... some more cadbury marble choc.
It's always more fun when I am with... my car.
You can't eat steak without... soy sauce!
I really like you and everything but... the Street Freak doesn't like you, so we'll just have to be friends. I'm sorry. [not really]
*What would you do if...
A dirty old guy at the airport slaps your ass? Deck him with my metal lunchbox.
Somebody was about to steal your car? Deck them with my metal lunchbox. Kick them. When they're down on the ground, kick them some more. Then run them over with my car.
You wake up with a billion spiders crawling all over you and your bed? A billion? Seriously? Damn, that's a lot of spiders. I don't think they'd all fit on my bed.
The person you just kissed told you they have oral herpes? Deck them with my lunchbox, then run them over with my car.
You had three wishes? Hmm..I cant think of anything with 2 wishes but I do know that I will ask for another 3 wishes for my last wish.
The government allowed you to choose one thing to be made legal? "And you're the reason that murder should be legalized..." Hmm. I don't know. I don't really care.
Britney Spears was at your front door asking for jumper cables? Tell her she's got more than enough money to go to Carrefour and buy her own dame jumper cables....
Had a time machine?I dunno. Probably let it sit in the basement collecting dust.
FOX gave you a half hour show to do whatever you wanted? And why would I want this?
*Would you rather...
Find the cure for cancer or AIDS? Right now, I'd have to say cancer since most people with AIDS deserves it.
Have the power to fly or the power to teleport? And why can't I have both?
Have the power to see the future or to record your dreams? I already record my dreams (in a sense) by writing them down in a journal ..
Would you rather be really skinny or really fat? Skinny.
Would you rather be in a drama movie or a comedy? Depends what the storyline is.
Be lost in a forest or stuck in a box? Well, I'm not sure what I'd be doing in a box to begin with, but I'll go with 'lost in a forest'.
Be in a hip hop video or a rock video? I don't want to be in a video. If I have to choose though, I'd say a rock video.
Would to rather have your birthday on Christmas Day or February 29th? I pity those who was born on Feb 29.I do.I really do.
Would you rather live in the sewer, or in Afghanistan? I'm not a Ninja Turtle... so I'd prefer to live above ground.
Would you rather be in a mental institution or in a penitentiary? I'd have to go with mental institution because if I ever do end up in one (which could happen) I'd probably be locked up in solitary confinement.
Would you rather snowboard or hang glide? Neither. Can I go sledding instead?
Would you rather be a ninja or a pirate? Ninja-pirate? Pirate-ninja??
*What’s the first thing that comes to you mind when you see the word...
Courage: The Red Badge of Courage.
Driver: Passenger.
Yoga: Yoga mats.
Bakery: German Chocolate Cake.
Roach: "Welcome to Joe's Apartment...."
Mushrooms: Pizza.
Sprung: "Well, I see what the problem is. Your radiator has sprung a leak."
Exotic: Pet Shop of Horrors.
Pythagorean: Geometry.
*Miscellaneous:
What's your definition of love? When you accept someone completely for who and what they are, and would do anything for them.
List 3 words that are clues about a person you are interested in: Starts with J.Not from Malaysia.My One and My Only.
Who or what is your worst enemy? Shhh.... it's a secret.
Who is the last person you kicked? Well now, this is random. I don't know.
If you had to be a chess piece, which piece would you be? The Queen.
Name a person you know whose name begins w/ the first letter of your last name: Denise.
What's a romantic thing somebody’s done for you? Does calling you from abroad counts?
*What is Your Opinion?
"Girls are nothing but drama." Some are, some aren't.
"Only idiots watch The Simpsons."? Only idiots hang out at MPH for hours without buying anything.
"Kentucky is way better than Cali."? I don't care.
"There's nothing wrong with stealing.": Hey. Don't steal; the Government hates competition.
"Alcohol is the answer to all your problems."? Duct tape solves everything.
"You don't need to go to college to be a brain surgeon."? I'll be damned if you're operating on my brain then.
"Music is stupid."? As if I care what you think.
"Your car sucks."? Still gonna be saying that after it has run you over... then backed up over you.. then ran you over again..... then backed up over you .... [repeat each action a few more times]
Tuesday, June 14, 2005
feh.
01. cried: Last night.
02. bought something: Pirated VCD's,mags for my sister.
04. sang: Behind this hazel eyes.
05. eaten: Dinner.Bun.
06. been kissed: Would you believe me if I say I've never been kissed?
07. felt stupid: At times.Most of the times actually but I try not to.
08. wanted to tell someone you loved them, but
didn't: Yes.But the situation's different now.It wouldnt be appropriate you know.
09. met someone new: Met? My work requires meeting people.
10. moved on: Not yet.Dont think I want to but I kinda have to.
11. talk to an ex: Not today.Not last night.2 days ago.
12. missed an ex: Every minute of the day.Sad innit? Indeed.
13. talked to someone you have a crush
on: I dont have a crush on anyone other than my ex.
14. had a serious talk: People dont have to have a serious talk with me.They just make decisions for me and expect me to follow it and whenever they feel like it,they'd take back the decisions and expects me to be ok with it as if Im a yo-yo.Yeah,that's my mom.
15. missed someone: Yes.Sometimes I hate having feelings.
16. hugged someone: My niece,Meera.She's so nice to hug.She's so petite.
17. fought with your parents: Fought? Actaully,it is more of a silent treatment kind of thing.
18. dreamed about someone you can't be with: Dreaming is not a sin.And dreaming about someone you cant be with is not a sin.Yes,that's the only way my dreams can be fulfilled.
social life*
01. best girl friend: This is a sensitive matter.
02. best boy friend: I dont have that much guy frens to be considered as my best boy fren.
03. boyfriend/girlfriend: None.
04. if no, current dating partner: Im not dating anyone.And wont be dating anyone anytime soon too.
05. hobbies: Doing surveys,writing stuff, reading books bla bla.
06. pager: Why would I want one?
07. are you attention:
08. what type of automobile do you drive: A yellow/black Kelisa.
09. what type of automobile do you wish you
drove: Doesnt matter.
10. would you rather be with friends or on a
date: Honestly,in my current situation,I'd rather be with my frens hanging out rather than going on a date and have my heart broken in 2.
11. where is the best hangout: Mamak Bistro tho it can be a bit boring if you hang there everyday.
12. have a job: Yes,I entertain fussy customers.It helps me with my temper tho my facial expression can be a bit obvious.Coz I tend to turn red with I'm pissed of.
13. do you attend church: No.I dont go to the mosque often enough,you want me to attend church?
14. do you like being around people: Around people that I love and care and I know,yes.
************************************************
01. you known the longest: My parents and siblings.
02. you argue the most with: My sisters: Kak Eleen and Sarah,Qarl,Lina,Ain and Rizal.
03. you always get along with: I dont really get along with people coz I'm a bit weird in my interest area.It kinda freaked people off.
04. the most trustworthy: Oh oh...
05. makes you laugh the most: My nieces and Qarl.
06. has been there through all the hard
times: I deal with my demons alone.
07. has the coolest parents: I wouldnt know coz parents freak me out.Hil's parents freak me out tho they're very nice.I guess the 'parents' title freak everyone out.
08. has the scariest siblings: I really dont know.
09. is the most blur: Me.Im soo unbelievably blur.At times.
10. is the smartest: I dont know.
personal*
01. who is your role model: I dont have a role model.Should I?
02. what are some of your pet peeves: Fussy customers,waiting for people,being ignored.
03. have you ever liked someone you had no
chance with: Im just human.I have the hots for Jay Chou but he doesnt even know I exists.
04. have you ever cried over the opposite
sex: Yes.
05. do you have a "type" of person you always go
after: Yes, it would appeal to me the most if the guy's not afraid of commitment,respect people and has a good manner.And oh,would be a plus if he doesnt smoke or drink.Actually, it would be best if he doesnt drink at all.
06. have you ever lied to your best
friend: I've never had a best fren.
07. ever wanted to get revenge on someone
because they hurt you: Oh yeah.Revenge is good.
08. would you rather be dumper or
dumped: I would rather have a working relationship coz if its working,there wouldnt be a dumper or dumped.
09. rather have a relationship or a "hookup": I'd like to say relationship but both ideas doesnt appeal to me.
10. want someone you don't have right now: Im just human.
11. ever liked your best guy/girl friend: Never had best guy.
12. do you want to get married: I used to want to get married.To him.Honestly,I cannot imagine me marrying anyone else but him.Sick eyh?
13. do you want kids: Feh,the same answer applies here.
14. do you believe in psychics: Actually no.But do you consider reading tarots psychic?
15. do you believe you know the person whom you
will marry at this point in time: It's over between us.No,I dont know the person whom I will marry.
17. what is your favorite part of your emotional
being: My,is there such a thing?
18. are you happy with you: Doesnt matter if I'm happy or unhappy,it aint changing rite?
19. are you happy with your life: Actually,no.
20. if you could change something in your life
right now, what would it be: My life position rite now.I'd rather be studying than working.
[ current clothes ] Feh.
[ current mood ] Angry.Not really but thats the only word that comes to mind.
[ current music ] Not listening to anything.
[ current taste ] Cadbury's marble choc.
[ current hair] Tied with a chopstick.
[current annoyance ] My mom,my sister.
[ current smell ] Air?
[ current thing i ought to be doing ] Change my clothes.
[ current desktop picture] None.
[ current favorite artist ] Jay Chou coz he's gorgeous,he can sing,he can dance,he can compose songs tho I cant understand a word he sings,he plays the piano and now he's an actor.
[ current favorite group ] My Chemical Romance for being so unique,Incubus for their incredible talent in song writing,Silverchair for their bravery to challenge the norm,HIM for writing such poetic and dark lyrics.
[ current book you're reading ] I am not reading anything at the moment.I've just finished reading some teen books for I needed some light reading.
[ current cd in cd player ] Incubus-SCIENCE.
[ current dvd/vhs in player] Telletubbies?I have no idea.
[ current color of toenails ] Purple and red.Alternate.
[ current refreshment ] Vanilla coke.Was told that it is not good for me and Ive stopped buying it but somehow it managed to get into my house without my help.
[ current worry ] My eyes.I hope this one is not as serious as the last one.I really dont want to go into the operation theather and have the doctors do the countdown till Im fully unconscious.It sucked.
02. bought something: Pirated VCD's,mags for my sister.
04. sang: Behind this hazel eyes.
05. eaten: Dinner.Bun.
06. been kissed: Would you believe me if I say I've never been kissed?
07. felt stupid: At times.Most of the times actually but I try not to.
08. wanted to tell someone you loved them, but
didn't: Yes.But the situation's different now.It wouldnt be appropriate you know.
09. met someone new: Met? My work requires meeting people.
10. moved on: Not yet.Dont think I want to but I kinda have to.
11. talk to an ex: Not today.Not last night.2 days ago.
12. missed an ex: Every minute of the day.Sad innit? Indeed.
13. talked to someone you have a crush
on: I dont have a crush on anyone other than my ex.
14. had a serious talk: People dont have to have a serious talk with me.They just make decisions for me and expect me to follow it and whenever they feel like it,they'd take back the decisions and expects me to be ok with it as if Im a yo-yo.Yeah,that's my mom.
15. missed someone: Yes.Sometimes I hate having feelings.
16. hugged someone: My niece,Meera.She's so nice to hug.She's so petite.
17. fought with your parents: Fought? Actaully,it is more of a silent treatment kind of thing.
18. dreamed about someone you can't be with: Dreaming is not a sin.And dreaming about someone you cant be with is not a sin.Yes,that's the only way my dreams can be fulfilled.
social life*
01. best girl friend: This is a sensitive matter.
02. best boy friend: I dont have that much guy frens to be considered as my best boy fren.
03. boyfriend/girlfriend: None.
04. if no, current dating partner: Im not dating anyone.And wont be dating anyone anytime soon too.
05. hobbies: Doing surveys,writing stuff, reading books bla bla.
06. pager: Why would I want one?
07. are you attention:
08. what type of automobile do you drive: A yellow/black Kelisa.
09. what type of automobile do you wish you
drove: Doesnt matter.
10. would you rather be with friends or on a
date: Honestly,in my current situation,I'd rather be with my frens hanging out rather than going on a date and have my heart broken in 2.
11. where is the best hangout: Mamak Bistro tho it can be a bit boring if you hang there everyday.
12. have a job: Yes,I entertain fussy customers.It helps me with my temper tho my facial expression can be a bit obvious.Coz I tend to turn red with I'm pissed of.
13. do you attend church: No.I dont go to the mosque often enough,you want me to attend church?
14. do you like being around people: Around people that I love and care and I know,yes.
************************************************
01. you known the longest: My parents and siblings.
02. you argue the most with: My sisters: Kak Eleen and Sarah,Qarl,Lina,Ain and Rizal.
03. you always get along with: I dont really get along with people coz I'm a bit weird in my interest area.It kinda freaked people off.
04. the most trustworthy: Oh oh...
05. makes you laugh the most: My nieces and Qarl.
06. has been there through all the hard
times: I deal with my demons alone.
07. has the coolest parents: I wouldnt know coz parents freak me out.Hil's parents freak me out tho they're very nice.I guess the 'parents' title freak everyone out.
08. has the scariest siblings: I really dont know.
09. is the most blur: Me.Im soo unbelievably blur.At times.
10. is the smartest: I dont know.
personal*
01. who is your role model: I dont have a role model.Should I?
02. what are some of your pet peeves: Fussy customers,waiting for people,being ignored.
03. have you ever liked someone you had no
chance with: Im just human.I have the hots for Jay Chou but he doesnt even know I exists.
04. have you ever cried over the opposite
sex: Yes.
05. do you have a "type" of person you always go
after: Yes, it would appeal to me the most if the guy's not afraid of commitment,respect people and has a good manner.And oh,would be a plus if he doesnt smoke or drink.Actually, it would be best if he doesnt drink at all.
06. have you ever lied to your best
friend: I've never had a best fren.
07. ever wanted to get revenge on someone
because they hurt you: Oh yeah.Revenge is good.
08. would you rather be dumper or
dumped: I would rather have a working relationship coz if its working,there wouldnt be a dumper or dumped.
09. rather have a relationship or a "hookup": I'd like to say relationship but both ideas doesnt appeal to me.
10. want someone you don't have right now: Im just human.
11. ever liked your best guy/girl friend: Never had best guy.
12. do you want to get married: I used to want to get married.To him.Honestly,I cannot imagine me marrying anyone else but him.Sick eyh?
13. do you want kids: Feh,the same answer applies here.
14. do you believe in psychics: Actually no.But do you consider reading tarots psychic?
15. do you believe you know the person whom you
will marry at this point in time: It's over between us.No,I dont know the person whom I will marry.
17. what is your favorite part of your emotional
being: My,is there such a thing?
18. are you happy with you: Doesnt matter if I'm happy or unhappy,it aint changing rite?
19. are you happy with your life: Actually,no.
20. if you could change something in your life
right now, what would it be: My life position rite now.I'd rather be studying than working.
[ current clothes ] Feh.
[ current mood ] Angry.Not really but thats the only word that comes to mind.
[ current music ] Not listening to anything.
[ current taste ] Cadbury's marble choc.
[ current hair] Tied with a chopstick.
[current annoyance ] My mom,my sister.
[ current smell ] Air?
[ current thing i ought to be doing ] Change my clothes.
[ current desktop picture] None.
[ current favorite artist ] Jay Chou coz he's gorgeous,he can sing,he can dance,he can compose songs tho I cant understand a word he sings,he plays the piano and now he's an actor.
[ current favorite group ] My Chemical Romance for being so unique,Incubus for their incredible talent in song writing,Silverchair for their bravery to challenge the norm,HIM for writing such poetic and dark lyrics.
[ current book you're reading ] I am not reading anything at the moment.I've just finished reading some teen books for I needed some light reading.
[ current cd in cd player ] Incubus-SCIENCE.
[ current dvd/vhs in player] Telletubbies?I have no idea.
[ current color of toenails ] Purple and red.Alternate.
[ current refreshment ] Vanilla coke.Was told that it is not good for me and Ive stopped buying it but somehow it managed to get into my house without my help.
[ current worry ] My eyes.I hope this one is not as serious as the last one.I really dont want to go into the operation theather and have the doctors do the countdown till Im fully unconscious.It sucked.
Monday, June 13, 2005
my pride and joy: happiness.
1. What is your middle name? That is undisclosed information.
2. What color underwear are you wearing now? Black ones with little silver glittery skull-and-crossbones, one on each side.
3. What are you listening to right now? Nada.
4. what are the last 2 digits in ur phone number? 24.
5. What was the last thing you ate? Bread.
6. If you were a crayon what color would you be? Dark purple.
7. How is the weather right now? Kind of cool, cloudy - I think it might want to rain.
8. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? It has been awhile.
9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?Overall appearance.
10. Favorite type of Food? Doesnt matter.I barely eat.
11. Do you drink? No.
12. Do you smoke? Nope.
13. Ever get so drunk you dont remember what you did? Hell.... I'm like that already - can't remember what I did. So apparently, I don't need alcohol to help me in not remembering what I did.
14. Hair color: Black as night.
15. Eye Color: Dark brown.
16. Do you wear contacts? Nope.
17. Single? Yes, I am.
18. Favorite Month? Actually, I don't have a favorite month. Should I?
19. Favorite Fast Food? McDonalds.
20. Last Movie you Watched? At the cinema: Ghost train.At home: Ever after.I love that movie.
21. Favorite Day of the Year? I don't have a favorite day of the year either.
22. Are you too shy to ask somene out? Actually,I am not.
24. Hugs or Kisses? Neither.I dont like people touching/holding me.At least,no anymore.
25. Chocolate or Vanilla? Both --- chocolate-vanilla swirl.
26. Do you want your friends to respond back? It doesn't really bother me.
27. Who is most likely to respond? Hello, I just said that it doesn't matter.
28. Who is least likely to respond? Feh... refer to previous answer.
29. What books are you reading? 'The Undomestic Goddess' by Sophie Kinsella.Boring.
30. Piercings? Just my ears.
31. Fav. Movie? Too many to list down.
32. Fav. baseball Team? I don't like baseball.
33. Fav. American Idol? I don't watch this crap that is produced for the 'entertainment' of the masses.
34. Any Pets? No.
35. AIM/MSN SN? MSN: Consequence09
36. Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn? Caramel popcorn!
37. Dogs or cats? Cats.
38. Favorite Flower? Tulips.Just tulips.
39. What do you do when you wake up in the AM? First off, if I'm awake in the A.M. - then it's because I've got work. Grab my towel and make my way to the shower.
40. Do you still talk to your best friends from intermediate school? Actually, anyone I knew in intermediate (middle) school --- they've all cut contact with me.
41. What's on your desk? The computer, my mom's address book bla bla.
42. Rock Concert or symphony? I like symphonies. Especially the Ninth. I have no preference though - but for a rock concert, it'd all depend on what group is performing.
43. Play or Opera? Opera.
44. Have you ever fired a gun? No.
45. Do you like to travel by plane? Yeah.Sure as long as the ride's not bumpy,Im all good.
46. Right-handed or Left-handed? Right-handed.
48. How many pillows do you sleep with? Just 3.Cant be less or more.Just 3.
49. Are you missing someone? Doesnt matter coz the person that I miss doesnt miss me coz if he is,he'd be here.NVM.
50. Did you like this survey? Feh. It gave me something useless and annoying (and possibly entertaining) to post.
2. What color underwear are you wearing now? Black ones with little silver glittery skull-and-crossbones, one on each side.
3. What are you listening to right now? Nada.
4. what are the last 2 digits in ur phone number? 24.
5. What was the last thing you ate? Bread.
6. If you were a crayon what color would you be? Dark purple.
7. How is the weather right now? Kind of cool, cloudy - I think it might want to rain.
8. Who was the last person you talked to on the phone? It has been awhile.
9. The first thing you notice about the opposite sex?Overall appearance.
10. Favorite type of Food? Doesnt matter.I barely eat.
11. Do you drink? No.
12. Do you smoke? Nope.
13. Ever get so drunk you dont remember what you did? Hell.... I'm like that already - can't remember what I did. So apparently, I don't need alcohol to help me in not remembering what I did.
14. Hair color: Black as night.
15. Eye Color: Dark brown.
16. Do you wear contacts? Nope.
17. Single? Yes, I am.
18. Favorite Month? Actually, I don't have a favorite month. Should I?
19. Favorite Fast Food? McDonalds.
20. Last Movie you Watched? At the cinema: Ghost train.At home: Ever after.I love that movie.
21. Favorite Day of the Year? I don't have a favorite day of the year either.
22. Are you too shy to ask somene out? Actually,I am not.
24. Hugs or Kisses? Neither.I dont like people touching/holding me.At least,no anymore.
25. Chocolate or Vanilla? Both --- chocolate-vanilla swirl.
26. Do you want your friends to respond back? It doesn't really bother me.
27. Who is most likely to respond? Hello, I just said that it doesn't matter.
28. Who is least likely to respond? Feh... refer to previous answer.
29. What books are you reading? 'The Undomestic Goddess' by Sophie Kinsella.Boring.
30. Piercings? Just my ears.
31. Fav. Movie? Too many to list down.
32. Fav. baseball Team? I don't like baseball.
33. Fav. American Idol? I don't watch this crap that is produced for the 'entertainment' of the masses.
34. Any Pets? No.
35. AIM/MSN SN? MSN: Consequence09
36. Butter, Plain or Salted popcorn? Caramel popcorn!
37. Dogs or cats? Cats.
38. Favorite Flower? Tulips.Just tulips.
39. What do you do when you wake up in the AM? First off, if I'm awake in the A.M. - then it's because I've got work. Grab my towel and make my way to the shower.
40. Do you still talk to your best friends from intermediate school? Actually, anyone I knew in intermediate (middle) school --- they've all cut contact with me.
41. What's on your desk? The computer, my mom's address book bla bla.
42. Rock Concert or symphony? I like symphonies. Especially the Ninth. I have no preference though - but for a rock concert, it'd all depend on what group is performing.
43. Play or Opera? Opera.
44. Have you ever fired a gun? No.
45. Do you like to travel by plane? Yeah.Sure as long as the ride's not bumpy,Im all good.
46. Right-handed or Left-handed? Right-handed.
48. How many pillows do you sleep with? Just 3.Cant be less or more.Just 3.
49. Are you missing someone? Doesnt matter coz the person that I miss doesnt miss me coz if he is,he'd be here.NVM.
50. Did you like this survey? Feh. It gave me something useless and annoying (and possibly entertaining) to post.
whatever.
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because you know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because you know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Sunday, June 12, 2005
Liebe ist Selbstmord.
All About Me
Body: × • U S U A L • × •
Name: Delaila.
Single or Taken: Single.
Sex: Female.
Birthday: The 23rd day of the last month December in the year 1986.
sign: Capricorn. Chinese zodiac: Tiger.
Siblings: Four sisters,one brother.
• × • R E L A T I O N S H I P S • × •
You have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: Oh my, your memory is shorter than mine is. You already asked this, did you forget already?
How many exes do you have?: Doesnt matter.It is not something that I'm proud of.
• × • F A S H I O N | S T U F F • × •
Where is your favorite place to shop for clothes: Sommerset bay.
Favorite brand?: I don't really have a favorite brand.
What do you wear most the time?: I wear whatever the shit i feel like wearing.For gods sake..
• × • S P E C I F I C S • × •
Do you do drugs?: I don't need them, I'm already fucked up enough in the head...
What kind of shampoo do you use?: Pantene.
What are you listening to right now: Moonlight Sonata.
Who is the last person that called you?: That called me?? Are you kidding? No one calls me.
Where do you want to get married?: And who said I want to get married to begin with? I don't.
What would you change about yourself?: I dunno. It might be nice to be and inch or two taller.
• × • F A V O R I T E S • × •
Foods: Oh dear, this is quite a list that I really don't feel like typing right now.
Girl Name: -
Boy Name: -
Subjects in school: As much as I hated highschool,I did have a few subjects that I enjoyed.Literature in English and History.But I sucked at both.
• × • H A V E | Y O U | E V E R • × •
Given anyone a bath?: Yes,my nieces and nephews.
Skinny dipped?: Nope.
Cried when someone died?: No.I cry for a whole different reason.
Lied: I doubt there is anyone in history that hasn't told even a tiny lie. I've lied, but I try not to.
Fallen for your best friend?: I've never had a best fren to begin with.
Done something you regret?: Never.
• × • C U R R E N T • × •
Clothes: Black tshirt that says "her lips blood red, her hair like night, her skin like snow, her name..." on the back, and on the front says "snow white";
Annoyance: Everything.Everything.
smell: The perfume I'm wearing --- Pure Poison.
DVD in player: There isn't a DVD in the DVD Player right now.
• × • L A S T | P E R S O N • × •
Hugged: Meera.
You IMed: Well, no one tonight so far. And I don't remember who I IMed last when I was online last night either.
You yelled at: My customer.Yeah.I fought with a bitchy customer.
• × • A R E | Y O U • × •
Understanding: I try to be.
Open minded: Most definitely.
Insecure: Sometimes. I'm insecure with my looks, really. I don't consider myself to be anything above average.
Random: Oh my, I really don't know.
Moody: I can be incredibly moody.
Healthy: All I can say is that I try.
Shy: It depends.
Difficult: I've been told that I am.
Obsessed: With what? I'm obsessed with The Nightmare Before Christmas and blogging.
Sad:I am not sad.I cant feel.
Happy: I'm not happy right now either. I'm content.
Hyper: Rarely. And I'm not hyper right now.
• × • W H O | D O | Y O U | W A N N A • × •
Kill?: Killing is over with too quickly. Better to torture.
Slap?: Only a few people.
Get really wasted with?: I don't want to get wasted to begin with. I despise having lack of total control over myself and my actions.
Have sex with: Sex does not interest me.
All you need is: yourself.
Love is: Suicide. .... Liebe ist Selbstmord.
I dream about: really, really weird stuff. My dreams make no sense.
• × • W H O • × •
Makes you smile: All those that take the time to talk to me. Those who won't give me a chance, or those who have stopped talking to me can fuck off, die and go to Hell.
Makes you laugh: Refer to previous answer.
Makes you cry: People that I love.
Gives you a funny feeling when you see him or her: There's no him and no her.Im alone.And always will be.
• × • D O | Y O U | E V E R • × •
Sit on the internet all night waiting for that special someone to get on?: Yeah.Maybe he's not my special someone afterall.
Wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: Hell no.
Wish you were younger: Not at all.
• × • Y O U R | T H O U G H T S • × •
I am: a big car, and I'm a strip bar... You call it fake, I call it 'good as it gets'...
I want: to vent.
I have: a disease called Mortality.
I wish: I could work nonstop coz thats the only time when my minds at peace.
I hear: Beethoven's Ninth Symphony.
I hate: Chinese customers.Specifically chinese womens.They's so fussy.Fuck off.
I fear: that being around masses of idiots for too long may cause their stupidity to influence me.
I wonder: how many people will actually read this thing to the end so that they see this sentence.
Body: × • U S U A L • × •
Name: Delaila.
Single or Taken: Single.
Sex: Female.
Birthday: The 23rd day of the last month December in the year 1986.
sign: Capricorn. Chinese zodiac: Tiger.
Siblings: Four sisters,one brother.
• × • R E L A T I O N S H I P S • × •
You have a boyfriend/girlfriend?: Oh my, your memory is shorter than mine is. You already asked this, did you forget already?
How many exes do you have?: Doesnt matter.It is not something that I'm proud of.
• × • F A S H I O N | S T U F F • × •
Where is your favorite place to shop for clothes: Sommerset bay.
Favorite brand?: I don't really have a favorite brand.
What do you wear most the time?: I wear whatever the shit i feel like wearing.For gods sake..
• × • S P E C I F I C S • × •
Do you do drugs?: I don't need them, I'm already fucked up enough in the head...
What kind of shampoo do you use?: Pantene.
What are you listening to right now: Moonlight Sonata.
Who is the last person that called you?: That called me?? Are you kidding? No one calls me.
Where do you want to get married?: And who said I want to get married to begin with? I don't.
What would you change about yourself?: I dunno. It might be nice to be and inch or two taller.
• × • F A V O R I T E S • × •
Foods: Oh dear, this is quite a list that I really don't feel like typing right now.
Girl Name: -
Boy Name: -
Subjects in school: As much as I hated highschool,I did have a few subjects that I enjoyed.Literature in English and History.But I sucked at both.
• × • H A V E | Y O U | E V E R • × •
Given anyone a bath?: Yes,my nieces and nephews.
Skinny dipped?: Nope.
Cried when someone died?: No.I cry for a whole different reason.
Lied: I doubt there is anyone in history that hasn't told even a tiny lie. I've lied, but I try not to.
Fallen for your best friend?: I've never had a best fren to begin with.
Done something you regret?: Never.
• × • C U R R E N T • × •
Clothes: Black tshirt that says "her lips blood red, her hair like night, her skin like snow, her name..." on the back, and on the front says "snow white";
Annoyance: Everything.Everything.
smell: The perfume I'm wearing --- Pure Poison.
DVD in player: There isn't a DVD in the DVD Player right now.
• × • L A S T | P E R S O N • × •
Hugged: Meera.
You IMed: Well, no one tonight so far. And I don't remember who I IMed last when I was online last night either.
You yelled at: My customer.Yeah.I fought with a bitchy customer.
• × • A R E | Y O U • × •
Understanding: I try to be.
Open minded: Most definitely.
Insecure: Sometimes. I'm insecure with my looks, really. I don't consider myself to be anything above average.
Random: Oh my, I really don't know.
Moody: I can be incredibly moody.
Healthy: All I can say is that I try.
Shy: It depends.
Difficult: I've been told that I am.
Obsessed: With what? I'm obsessed with The Nightmare Before Christmas and blogging.
Sad:I am not sad.I cant feel.
Happy: I'm not happy right now either. I'm content.
Hyper: Rarely. And I'm not hyper right now.
• × • W H O | D O | Y O U | W A N N A • × •
Kill?: Killing is over with too quickly. Better to torture.
Slap?: Only a few people.
Get really wasted with?: I don't want to get wasted to begin with. I despise having lack of total control over myself and my actions.
Have sex with: Sex does not interest me.
All you need is: yourself.
Love is: Suicide. .... Liebe ist Selbstmord.
I dream about: really, really weird stuff. My dreams make no sense.
• × • W H O • × •
Makes you smile: All those that take the time to talk to me. Those who won't give me a chance, or those who have stopped talking to me can fuck off, die and go to Hell.
Makes you laugh: Refer to previous answer.
Makes you cry: People that I love.
Gives you a funny feeling when you see him or her: There's no him and no her.Im alone.And always will be.
• × • D O | Y O U | E V E R • × •
Sit on the internet all night waiting for that special someone to get on?: Yeah.Maybe he's not my special someone afterall.
Wish you were a member of the opposite sex?: Hell no.
Wish you were younger: Not at all.
• × • Y O U R | T H O U G H T S • × •
I am: a big car, and I'm a strip bar... You call it fake, I call it 'good as it gets'...
I want: to vent.
I have: a disease called Mortality.
I wish: I could work nonstop coz thats the only time when my minds at peace.
I hear: Beethoven's Ninth Symphony.
I hate: Chinese customers.Specifically chinese womens.They's so fussy.Fuck off.
I fear: that being around masses of idiots for too long may cause their stupidity to influence me.
I wonder: how many people will actually read this thing to the end so that they see this sentence.
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Im still me.Im still here.Why?
5 down,6 more days to go..God,Im drained.Ive been working from saturday and will only be getting my off day on thursday.Next thursday.
I dont want people to see me work anymore.Its embarassing.They'd see me and judge me.I dont want them to go anywhere near MPH.But I just dont have the power.
I am SO dumb.I did so much for people.They never did noticed it let alone appreciate it.To them,I am someone that you should not pay much attention coz Im shit.
Where are my frens when I need them the most?Oh right,they have something thats called,hmm..'LIFE'.And I dont.
Why cant I have a normal,simple life.A life where I have a best fren,great parents and frens and STUDYING?But then again,there's no such thing as a normal life.There's no such thing as 'friendship last forever'.There's no such thing as 'MARRIAGE'.No,coz Ive never seen it.
I can see my dreams fading away as the clouds.I can see it very vaguely.
I'm sorry.Im just so down and there's no one to cheer me up or someone to talk to that WOULDNT shut me up.Its just that,I can see it in their eyes.The way they look at me when they see me work.As if I should not live.Is it so bad to work in a bookstore?Im not doing anything bad.
And I just hate the fact that I did so much for people and they took me for granted coz they knew that I will always be here no matter what.And I know I will always be here.
Im just hurting.It hurts so bad.bye.
I dont want people to see me work anymore.Its embarassing.They'd see me and judge me.I dont want them to go anywhere near MPH.But I just dont have the power.
I am SO dumb.I did so much for people.They never did noticed it let alone appreciate it.To them,I am someone that you should not pay much attention coz Im shit.
Where are my frens when I need them the most?Oh right,they have something thats called,hmm..'LIFE'.And I dont.
Why cant I have a normal,simple life.A life where I have a best fren,great parents and frens and STUDYING?But then again,there's no such thing as a normal life.There's no such thing as 'friendship last forever'.There's no such thing as 'MARRIAGE'.No,coz Ive never seen it.
I can see my dreams fading away as the clouds.I can see it very vaguely.
I'm sorry.Im just so down and there's no one to cheer me up or someone to talk to that WOULDNT shut me up.Its just that,I can see it in their eyes.The way they look at me when they see me work.As if I should not live.Is it so bad to work in a bookstore?Im not doing anything bad.
And I just hate the fact that I did so much for people and they took me for granted coz they knew that I will always be here no matter what.And I know I will always be here.
Im just hurting.It hurts so bad.bye.
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
my random moments.
Waiting is torture.
People do not look good in uniforms.Any kind of uniforms.
I AM NOT a walking dictionary for I do have my dumb moments which happens to be oh so often.
I hate spoilt rich kid that has a cdt card that daddy gave.And no I dont call that envy.I call that 'irritated'.
I hate chinese that has something againts malays.We malays dont( at least not me),why should you?We're not bad ok?
I hate the securities in MPH.They think that they're the king of the world.As if.
I dislike people asking me out on a date and insist that I PAY.No blardy way.
Last but not least,I truly miss Josh.Im sorry but I do.
People do not look good in uniforms.Any kind of uniforms.
I AM NOT a walking dictionary for I do have my dumb moments which happens to be oh so often.
I hate spoilt rich kid that has a cdt card that daddy gave.And no I dont call that envy.I call that 'irritated'.
I hate chinese that has something againts malays.We malays dont( at least not me),why should you?We're not bad ok?
I hate the securities in MPH.They think that they're the king of the world.As if.
I dislike people asking me out on a date and insist that I PAY.No blardy way.
Last but not least,I truly miss Josh.Im sorry but I do.
Monday, June 06, 2005
Saturday, June 04, 2005
o four o five
Working in a place that requires you to drive for more than 1/2,sucked.And for that The Curve suck.But other than that,The Curve was awesome.I mean the food sucked and it was expensive.But the place was nice.Really posh.Sort of.
Work was so tiring.I cant stand anymore.And I was so alone coz I knew no one.It was by far the longest afternoon shift in history.Period.
My life has been ok probably becoz I hung out with Hil the other day (I really missed hanging out with her,honest!),and becoz I've been talking to Joshua.He can easily make my day by showing up for 10 mins.I mean really!
I bought myself the gyspy skirt that I wanted.It was so tempting that I bought 2!lol.
Mahal kita.Mahal na mahal kita.
Work was so tiring.I cant stand anymore.And I was so alone coz I knew no one.It was by far the longest afternoon shift in history.Period.
My life has been ok probably becoz I hung out with Hil the other day (I really missed hanging out with her,honest!),and becoz I've been talking to Joshua.He can easily make my day by showing up for 10 mins.I mean really!
I bought myself the gyspy skirt that I wanted.It was so tempting that I bought 2!lol.
Mahal kita.Mahal na mahal kita.
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
What do we have here.
What time are you starting this?
11.50 p.m.
Name?
Delaila Abdullah.
Nicknames?
Dee.
Date of birth?
Dec 23rd,1986.
Sex?
Female.
Height?
5'5 or less.
Eye color?
Dark brown.
Where were you born?
In T'ganu.
Number of candles on your last birthday cake?
God,it has been awhile.Come to think of it,no one has ever given/bought me a cake.
Pets?
None.
Hair color?
Black with a few streaks of red.Just a few.
Piercings?
Just ears.Not a big fan of piercings.
Town you live in?
Subang Jaya.
Favorite foods?
I have none.I barely eat nowadays.
Ever been to Africa?
No.
Been toilet papering?
Nopes.
Love someone so much it made you cry?
Yes.
Been in a car accident?
Nope.*Knock wood*
Croutons or bacon bits?
Neither.
Favorite day of the week?
Doesnt matter anymore.Every day is the same to me.
Favorite resturant?
Mamaks.
Favorite flower?
Tulips.
Favorite sport to watch?
Football and gymnastics.
Favorite drink?
Plain water,vanilla coke,iced tea.
Favorite ice cream flavor?
Vanilla.Cliche I know.
Warner Bros. or Disney?
Both?I dont know.
Favorite fast food restuarant?
McD.
Carpet color in your bedroom?
Hmm.Blue maybe?
How many times did you fail your driver's test?
Twice.LOL.
Whom did you get your last email from?
Some jerk.I dont even know where he got my mail add.
Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Bookstore.MPH or Borders.Talk about rivals.lol.Im a bookworm.I am not into clothes hunting tho Im craving for that gypsy skirt.
What do you do most often when you are bored?
I'd write or read or sleep or listen to music or get lame and cry.Or take pictures.
Most annoying thing to say to me?
Delaila cantik.Ahaks.
Bedtime?
1 am.
Favorite TV show?
I barely have time to watch tv.
Last person you went out to dinner with?:
Yuzni and Nabilla.And we werent even eating.They were buzy looking for clothes.Shopping.So,I had only bread.Works for me coz Im on a diet.
Been out of country?
Yes.
Believe in magic?
No.
Ford or Chevy?
Chevy Aveo.
What are you listening to right now?
My Chemical Romance-Helena.
Have you ever failed a grade?
Yeah.
If you have, what grade did you fail?
It'd be maths and economics.That was back in high school.
Do you have a crush on someone?
Yes.
Do you have a bf/gf?
Nope.
If so, what is their name?
N/A.
How long have you been together?
N/A.
What are you wearing right now?
Tights and a shirt.Normal stuff.
Would you have sex before marriage?
No.I maybe mean and shit but I know my limits.I'll stay firm about it.
Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers?
No.Never did.
Are you a virgin?
Yes.
Do you smoke?
No.I do not waste my salary on stuff that will harm my health.
Do you drink?
Refer to the above.
Are you ghetto?
Firstly,whats ghetto?
Are you a player?
I am most certainly not.
What are your favorite colors?
Red,black and dark purple.
What is your favorite animal?
None.
Do you have any birthmarks?
No.
Have you ever gotten your ass kicked?
No.
Who do you talk to most on the phone?
Hilly kot.I dont talk on the phone often.
Have you ever been slapped?
Yes.
Do you get online a lot?
Yes.Every night in fact.
Are you shy or outgoing?
I am shy if I dont know you and I am sarcastic and sensitive once you do know me.
Do you shower?
Dont we all?
Do you hate school?
I hated high school.
Do you have a social life?
I guess not.
How easily do you trust people?
I dont even trust my parents.Go figure.
Do you have a secret people would be surprised knowing?
Yes.
Would you ever sky dive?
Sure,I'd want to get rid of this fear that I have.
Do you like to dance?
I can dance but I dont dance.
Have you ever been out of state?
Yes.
Do you like to travel?
Yes.
Have you ever been expelled from school?
No.I was a good student.
Have you ever been suspended from school?
No.
Do you want to get out of your hometown?
Someday.
Are you spoiled?
No,I am not.
Are you a brat?
I can be.
Have you ever been dumped?
Have I?
Have you ever gotten high?
Whenever I have chunky and vanilla coke.
Do you like snapple?
Too sweet.
Do you drink a lot of water?
Not lately.
What toothpaste do you use?
Colgate.
Do you have a cell phone?
Yes.
Do you have a curfew?
I dont think so.But I know my limits.
Who do you look up to?
No one.
Are you a role model?
I dont think so.
Have you ever been to Six Flags or Cedar Point?
No.
What name brand do you wear the most?
I dont care about brands.
What kind of jewelry do you wear?
I dont like jewelry.
What do you want pierced?
No thanks.I dont fancy piecings.
Do you like takin pictures?
Yes.
Do you like gettin your picture taken?
Only if my hair's in place.
Do you have a tan?
No.
Do you get annoyed easily?
Actually,yes.
Have you ever started a rumor?
No.
Do you have your own phone or phone line?
Yes.
Do you have your own pool?
Nopes.
Do you prefer boxers or briefs?
Boxers.
Do you have any siblings?
Yeah.
Have you ever been played?
I hope not.
Have you ever played anyone?
No.And I dont intend to.
Do you get along with your parents?
For the time being,yes.
How do you vent your anger?
Writing.I used to cut myself but that was before.
Have you ever ran away?
No.
Have you ever been fired from a job?
Nope.
Do you even have a job?
Of course!
Do you daydream a lot?
Yeah.
Do you have a lot of ex's?
Just 2.
Do you run your mouth?
huh?
What do you want a tattoo of?
I dont want one.
What do you have a tattoo of?
None.
What does your ex bf/gf look like?
Joshua's good looking.But he doesnt think so.
What does your most recent crush look like?
I dont have a crush on anyone right now.Dont feel like having a crush on anyone.
What's her/his name?
-
Have you ever been bitched out?
Yes.
Are you rude?
I can be.And I can be super nice,if you're nice that is.
What was the last compliment you recieved?
Jega said that he'll miss my voice once Im gone to The Curve for 9 days.Was that even a compliment??
Do you like getting dirty?
No really.
Are you flexiable?
Not really.
What is your heritage?
I dunt really know...
What is your lucky number?
Dont have one coz I'm still unlucky.
What does your hair look like right now?
TieD And tidy.
Could you ever be a vegetarian?
Oh never.
Describe your looks?
If you had to completely dye your hair, what colour it would be?
I like it black.But I want more streaks.
- I used to send surveys to josh but now that we're not together,I have no one to send to.So I decided to post my survey here.thanx.
11.50 p.m.
Name?
Delaila Abdullah.
Nicknames?
Dee.
Date of birth?
Dec 23rd,1986.
Sex?
Female.
Height?
5'5 or less.
Eye color?
Dark brown.
Where were you born?
In T'ganu.
Number of candles on your last birthday cake?
God,it has been awhile.Come to think of it,no one has ever given/bought me a cake.
Pets?
None.
Hair color?
Black with a few streaks of red.Just a few.
Piercings?
Just ears.Not a big fan of piercings.
Town you live in?
Subang Jaya.
Favorite foods?
I have none.I barely eat nowadays.
Ever been to Africa?
No.
Been toilet papering?
Nopes.
Love someone so much it made you cry?
Yes.
Been in a car accident?
Nope.*Knock wood*
Croutons or bacon bits?
Neither.
Favorite day of the week?
Doesnt matter anymore.Every day is the same to me.
Favorite resturant?
Mamaks.
Favorite flower?
Tulips.
Favorite sport to watch?
Football and gymnastics.
Favorite drink?
Plain water,vanilla coke,iced tea.
Favorite ice cream flavor?
Vanilla.Cliche I know.
Warner Bros. or Disney?
Both?I dont know.
Favorite fast food restuarant?
McD.
Carpet color in your bedroom?
Hmm.Blue maybe?
How many times did you fail your driver's test?
Twice.LOL.
Whom did you get your last email from?
Some jerk.I dont even know where he got my mail add.
Which store would you choose to max out your credit card?
Bookstore.MPH or Borders.Talk about rivals.lol.Im a bookworm.I am not into clothes hunting tho Im craving for that gypsy skirt.
What do you do most often when you are bored?
I'd write or read or sleep or listen to music or get lame and cry.Or take pictures.
Most annoying thing to say to me?
Delaila cantik.Ahaks.
Bedtime?
1 am.
Favorite TV show?
I barely have time to watch tv.
Last person you went out to dinner with?:
Yuzni and Nabilla.And we werent even eating.They were buzy looking for clothes.Shopping.So,I had only bread.Works for me coz Im on a diet.
Been out of country?
Yes.
Believe in magic?
No.
Ford or Chevy?
Chevy Aveo.
What are you listening to right now?
My Chemical Romance-Helena.
Have you ever failed a grade?
Yeah.
If you have, what grade did you fail?
It'd be maths and economics.That was back in high school.
Do you have a crush on someone?
Yes.
Do you have a bf/gf?
Nope.
If so, what is their name?
N/A.
How long have you been together?
N/A.
What are you wearing right now?
Tights and a shirt.Normal stuff.
Would you have sex before marriage?
No.I maybe mean and shit but I know my limits.I'll stay firm about it.
Have you ever had a crush on any of your teachers?
No.Never did.
Are you a virgin?
Yes.
Do you smoke?
No.I do not waste my salary on stuff that will harm my health.
Do you drink?
Refer to the above.
Are you ghetto?
Firstly,whats ghetto?
Are you a player?
I am most certainly not.
What are your favorite colors?
Red,black and dark purple.
What is your favorite animal?
None.
Do you have any birthmarks?
No.
Have you ever gotten your ass kicked?
No.
Who do you talk to most on the phone?
Hilly kot.I dont talk on the phone often.
Have you ever been slapped?
Yes.
Do you get online a lot?
Yes.Every night in fact.
Are you shy or outgoing?
I am shy if I dont know you and I am sarcastic and sensitive once you do know me.
Do you shower?
Dont we all?
Do you hate school?
I hated high school.
Do you have a social life?
I guess not.
How easily do you trust people?
I dont even trust my parents.Go figure.
Do you have a secret people would be surprised knowing?
Yes.
Would you ever sky dive?
Sure,I'd want to get rid of this fear that I have.
Do you like to dance?
I can dance but I dont dance.
Have you ever been out of state?
Yes.
Do you like to travel?
Yes.
Have you ever been expelled from school?
No.I was a good student.
Have you ever been suspended from school?
No.
Do you want to get out of your hometown?
Someday.
Are you spoiled?
No,I am not.
Are you a brat?
I can be.
Have you ever been dumped?
Have I?
Have you ever gotten high?
Whenever I have chunky and vanilla coke.
Do you like snapple?
Too sweet.
Do you drink a lot of water?
Not lately.
What toothpaste do you use?
Colgate.
Do you have a cell phone?
Yes.
Do you have a curfew?
I dont think so.But I know my limits.
Who do you look up to?
No one.
Are you a role model?
I dont think so.
Have you ever been to Six Flags or Cedar Point?
No.
What name brand do you wear the most?
I dont care about brands.
What kind of jewelry do you wear?
I dont like jewelry.
What do you want pierced?
No thanks.I dont fancy piecings.
Do you like takin pictures?
Yes.
Do you like gettin your picture taken?
Only if my hair's in place.
Do you have a tan?
No.
Do you get annoyed easily?
Actually,yes.
Have you ever started a rumor?
No.
Do you have your own phone or phone line?
Yes.
Do you have your own pool?
Nopes.
Do you prefer boxers or briefs?
Boxers.
Do you have any siblings?
Yeah.
Have you ever been played?
I hope not.
Have you ever played anyone?
No.And I dont intend to.
Do you get along with your parents?
For the time being,yes.
How do you vent your anger?
Writing.I used to cut myself but that was before.
Have you ever ran away?
No.
Have you ever been fired from a job?
Nope.
Do you even have a job?
Of course!
Do you daydream a lot?
Yeah.
Do you have a lot of ex's?
Just 2.
Do you run your mouth?
huh?
What do you want a tattoo of?
I dont want one.
What do you have a tattoo of?
None.
What does your ex bf/gf look like?
Joshua's good looking.But he doesnt think so.
What does your most recent crush look like?
I dont have a crush on anyone right now.Dont feel like having a crush on anyone.
What's her/his name?
-
Have you ever been bitched out?
Yes.
Are you rude?
I can be.And I can be super nice,if you're nice that is.
What was the last compliment you recieved?
Jega said that he'll miss my voice once Im gone to The Curve for 9 days.Was that even a compliment??
Do you like getting dirty?
No really.
Are you flexiable?
Not really.
What is your heritage?
I dunt really know...
What is your lucky number?
Dont have one coz I'm still unlucky.
What does your hair look like right now?
TieD And tidy.
Could you ever be a vegetarian?
Oh never.
Describe your looks?
If you had to completely dye your hair, what colour it would be?
I like it black.But I want more streaks.
- I used to send surveys to josh but now that we're not together,I have no one to send to.So I decided to post my survey here.thanx.
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