Sunday, August 27, 2006

Hell no.

I was talking to my mom just now. We talked about my late grandmother. Made me realize how much I missed her. I feel so sinned for not remembering her. She left too early. She left us 12 years ago. When I was 8? Std 2. But everything about her are still crystal clear in my mind. How she talked. How she smelt. What she liked. Her smile. She was everything. We were tight. I loved her so much. Still do. What she said before she left us all, made me sad. How I wish I had spent more time with her in T'ganu rather than being busy in Subang. I miss her. Really-really do...

I watched Criminal Minds last monday. Boy, it sucked big time.. I mean c'mon. I watch CSI..And what they have in Criminal Minds are bullshit. Grr..Geram..I still have another disc to go..Greg is so hot, Im soo melting.. Muahhaha...

I was pissed earlier today. My dad, he umm..misplaced my ID & drivers licence.. We went to the police station and he wanted me to tell them that I lost it when I didnt. He dont wanna pay I guess.. How irresponsible can he be? To make it worst, the policeman remembered me from the accident and he said, ' Nasib awak malang bulan ni kan?' I was like, 'WTF???' Of course I didnt say that aloud but hell.. Ive been thru worse but who are you to rub it into my face?? Grrr.. Gerammmmmm..

Tomorrow, 2 presentations and a test..Excited? Hell no! I just wanna get things over with I guess. Term 4's coming to an end. Thank God. It has been the worst term ever. Seriously. I always looked forward to college. I even came early most of the days. Never skipped any classes. At least I try not to. But look at me now. I dont look forward to college. I dont wanna go to college. I came late most of the time. I skipped quite a few classes this term but lucky me I still manage to get good results.

Havent been eating well lately. I think its the cramps..It has been 5 days & its not normal for me to have cramps that long..

I wanna watch Heart..Cepatin cepatin keluarin dong. Gw mau tonton..mUahahhah..

Monday, August 21, 2006

Actually I just wrote something extremely long and when I posted it, it was just gone. It sux really. I had a bad bad week last week and now this blardy pc is screwing up my life unknowingly.

Summary of last week: Got pooped on. Accident. Sakit hati.

I dont know if its showing on my face or not but saya tgh sgt stress niee...Eeeee...french assignment due this weds. marketing presentation on thurs. english & LAN presentation on monday. God knows how many more assignments to pass up. Not forgetting the up coming exam which I havent studied. I dont know if I can cope up with all that.


Sometimes I miss the old times. The times when we'd always be together. Things changed. For the better I hope.


And tho sometimes my days arent flattering, at least I know I have Dean. And knowing that, my unflattering days will be pleasant. Very pleasant. Yes, he has that much effect on moi. Sayang awak..

Monday, August 14, 2006

I was browsing thru my old highschool literature book. There this one poem that caught me eyes. On perceptions on the end of life. It is called Song by Christina Rosetti.

SONG

When I am dead, my dearest,
Sing no sad songs for me,
Plant thou no roses at my head,
Nor shady cypress tree,
Be the green grass above me,
With showers and dewdrops wet,
And if thou wilt, remember,
And if thou wilt, forget.

I shall not see the shadows,
I shall not feel the pain,
I shall not hear the nightingale,
Sing on as if in pain,
And dreaming through the twillight,
That doth not rise nor set,
Haply I may remember,
Haply I may forget.

- CHRISTINA ROSETTI-

Sunday, August 13, 2006

I cant act as if its not bothering when it really does. It really does. Im so hurt just thinking about what they did to me. 'How could they?' was what I asked myself when I found out. I couldnt believe it. Surreal. It took me days to accept the fact that 2 of my closest frens talk shit behind my back. Wanna know why it was hard for me to accept it? Coz they acted so nice and so sweet in front of me. They still are nice to me but I know better now. I have nothing against them. Really. I heart them to bits. Maybe now I have something against them. I realize that they only speak to me when they want something from me. Transportation.As if Im some driver. Eat shit. Really, eat shit. Things will not be the same. I told Yoke when I was in Club Med that things will not be the same. And I guess its not anymore.



I hope Ms Rajes aka HR Manager of Club Med approves me cepat2! Eeeee..Bosan la tunggu diterima masuk ni..Plus I miss the place and Dean and Mike and all la.


Rindu Dean lots. Really. 2 months without seeing him is hellish. Really.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Enjoy Incubus




Vitamin

I'm born
I'm alive
I breathe
In a moment or two I realize
That the sphere upon which I reside
Is asleep on its feet
Should I go back to sleep?
We orbit the sunI grow up My open eyes see
A zombified, somnambulist society
Leaving us as vitamins For the hibernating human animal
Do you see what I mean?

You stare at me like a vitamin
On the surface you hate
But you know you need me
I'll come dressed as any pill you deem fit
Whatever helps you swallow truth All the more easily

And I wonder, will you digest me?
Into the sleep machine I won't plug in
In fact I'd rather die before I will comply
To you, my friendI write the reason I still live
Cause in my mind it's set the vitamin is ripe to give
Coming closer to another 2000 years Y
ou and I will pry
The closed eye of the sleep machine

New Skin

At first I see an open woundInfected and disastrousIt breathes chaotic catastrophe It cries to be renewed (Please Renew Me!)Its tears are the color of angerThey dry to form a scab To the touch, its stiff and resilientUnderneath, the new skin breathes As outwardly cliche as it may seemYes, something under the surface saysC'est la vieIt is a circle, there is a plan Dead skin will atrophy itself to start again Look closely at the open wound See past what covers the surface Underneath chaotic catastropheCreation takes stageIts all been saved With exception for the right parts When will we be new skin? Its all been seen with exception for what could be When will we be new skin?Fallacious cognitions Spewed from televisions Do mold our decisionsSo stop and take a lookAnd you'll see what I see now

Idiot Box


You keep your riches and I'll sew my stitchesYou can't make me think like you, mundaneI've got a message for all those who think that They can etch his words inside my brain T.V. what do I need? Tell me who to believe! What's the use of autonomy When a button does it all? So listen up, Glisten up closely allWho've seen the fuckin eye ache tooIt's time to step away from cable train And when we finally see the subtle lightThis quirk in evolution will begin To let us live and recreate T.V. what do I need? Tell me who to believe! Whats the use of autonomy When a button does it all? T.V. what should I see? Tell me who should I be? Lets do our mom a favor and drop A new god off a wallLet me see past the fatuous knocksI've gotta rid myself of this idiot boxLet you see past the feathers and flocksAnd help me plant a bomb in this idiot boxFrom the depths of the sea To the tops of the trees To the seat of a lazy boyStaring at a silver screen!!

A Certain Shade of Green


A certain shade of greenTell me is that what you need? All signs around say move aheadCould someone please explain to me your Ever present lack of speed? Are your muscles bound by ropes? Or do crutches cloud your day? My sources say the road is clearAnd street signs guide the wayAre you gonna stand around till 2012 A.D.? What are you waiting forA certain shade of green? I think I grew a gray watching you procrastinateWhat are you waiting forA certain shade of green? Would a written invitation Signed, "Choose now or lose it all" Sedate your hesitation? Or inflame and make you stall? You've been raised in limitationbut that glove never fit quite rightThe time has come for hand-me-downsChoose a new, please evolveTake flight What are you waiting for? A written invitation? A public declaration? A private consolation?

Favorite Things


I'm thinking of my soul's sovereigntyAnd I know everything you hate in meFill me up with over-pious badgeringsTo throw them up, oh, one of my favorite thingsRemember all the lessons fed to me? Me the young sponge, so ready to agreeYears have gone, I recognize the walking deadNow aware that I'm alive and way aheadToo bad the things that make you mad Are my favorite thingsAnd I'm so happyI see you looking, I know that you're thinking That I'll never go anywhereThe things that I've done and the things That I've seen, I don't really expect you to care

Summer Romance (Anti-Gravity Love Song)


I'm home alone tonightFull moon illuminates my room, and sends my mind aflightI think I was dreaming up some thoughts that were seemingly possibleWith youSo I call you on the tin can phoneWe rendezvous at a quarter-two, and make sure we're aloneI may have found a way for you and I to finally fly freeWhen we get there, we're gonna go far awayMaking sure to laugh, while we experience anti-gravityFor years, I kept to myselfNow potentialities are bound, and sleeping under my shelfSimply choose your destination from the diamond canopyAnd we'll be thereSo I call you on the tin can phoneWe rendezvous at a quarter-two, and make sure we're aloneI may have found the way for you and I to finally be free

I just feel like posting something on Incubus. Since they're launching their latest album in november. LIGHT BERNADE.ahah..Doesnt sound like them but then again,thats what makes them INCUBUS yang hebat..muahahhaa..

These are some of my favourite Incubus songs from SCIENCE.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

Yesterday's kitchen class didnt go that smooth for me. My mind was somewhere else. Or maybe I suck in cooking. I dont know la. It seems that I suck in everything I like. Dont tell thats not true coz I know its true! What is my purpose in life? Give me a clue coz I have no idea. Im suffocating.


I suck in writing..I mean writing properly.


I suck in cooking..At least I think I do.


Dont know what Im supposed to do in this lifetime. Or what Im supposed to be..
I like what Im doing but is there a future for me who happens to suck at it?


Honestly, tho people dont see it, Im so very stressed.
Very confused. Not depressed. Im happy that some things about me have changed.
I am not depressed most of the time. I dont cut myself anymore.


Ive got the every reason to be happy.




Today..Lets talk about today.. I had only french class. Then I was free the whole damn day. Outing with Ika to Sunway Pyramid where I bumped into Sharween. Havent seen him in the longest longest time. Trust me. He's still the same person. Didnt buy anything there.


After pyramid, I went to summit with Ika too. I bought myself CSI: Las Vegas season 5..woohoo!! Cant wait to watch it really. CSI is my ultimate favourite show. Haih.. Bile nak tgk ni?


OH OH! OMG! How can I forget! Incubus will be launching their latest album in November! About time! The album's called LIGHT RENADE or something like that. They say that their album will make them the band that they want to be. Sounds good to me. Cepat2 la launch! Dah tak sabar ni!


Went to MPH and chatted with Alice, Kak Ummu & Kak Yna. Kak Yna's sooo pregnant! OMG. I remembered when I was still working in MPH and obssessed with tarots, I read Kak Yna and it said that she'll have a new person in her life..And then she got pregnant! Am I good or what? ahahha. No la..
Alice is still the same old Alice except the Alice now has long hair. Kak Ummu? She's still her. Thats good. You know, knowing that the people that you havent seen in a long time are still the same. There's the sense of familliarity and that made me feel so comfortable.


Later on, went to Ika's place and chatted with MIKE yang dodol. Lucu la dia. Went back college for dinner with Prince & Andrea. Andrea lucu banget! Masih kanak2 sih dia itu. And then after dinner? Here I am.. Chatting with mike. Mike lagi. Asyik2 mike..ahahha. Kangen deh..

Sunday, August 06, 2006

Did I ever mention that I hate weekends? Coz if I didnt, I HATE WEEKENDS!
I went out with my sister yesterday. She wanted to get a new phone for her phone was.. Umm..broken?
She got herself motorala slvr7 something I think. It was neat and cheap and pretty. Good for her I guess.

I had a pretty hectic week last week. With 3 assesments and 2 kitchen classes. I didnt think I did that well for marketing and economics. What the fuck? I did badly for my economics actually! I forgot all about my calculator. BAH! im scared. What if I dont get the perfect marks? I know I wont get the perfect marks. I know what I did. And I did bad.

Kitchen class on thurs was better than I expected it to be. Really. We had to cook for orientation night. 500 pax. I think it was less. Maybe around 250-300? I donno. I was in the kitchen most of the time re-filling the food. I'd rather stay in the kicthen rather than being with the mass of morons outside.. Hahha..*ouch* who cares. Back about thurs. Ah Liau( is that how we spell his name?) was the chef. He divided the tasks. I had to work with Perverted Reuben & Chih Sum. We were in charge of the starter. Some may think it was an easy job, but it was not! Trust me, peeling & julienne-ing carrots,mangos & cucumbers aint fun ok? Muscles involved ok. Sakit. Basically, we had to do all the mise-un-place for the cooking on friday. It was tiring coz we had classes from 9-6. And from 6-10, we were in the kitchen preparing for friday. Came back home around 1030 and hit the shower straight for I know I smelt bad. Studied till god-knows-what-time. Overslept. Missed english class. Did bad for economics. Haih..C'est la vie.

Went back into the kitchen arnd 2 pm on friday. Chef Norizan briefed us on what exactly we needed to do. Everything went on smoothly. I was amazed. The terayaki chicken that Andrew & Renna made was good. GOOD. Yummiliciously goooooooooddddd.

Honestly, saya dah malas nak blog. Im gonna hit the sack. Nitey.