Life's been so shitty lately. No doubt. I stood my frens up. And thats not cool. I know they're gonna hate me for doing that..But I didnt do it on purpose. Really. Honest. I looked forward to bukak puasa with Shadz,Hil,Yokey and Hanzy.Really. Dalam byk2 hari, my dad chose to mengamuk yesterday. The day that Im supposed to go out. My maid dah ironed my dad's pants and all. And he said she tak ironed properly and all. He took all of his ironed pants and rendam dalam air. And as if he hadnt learnt any manners in this lifetime, he go and tendang my room and shouted at me and shit as if I had no feelings. And he just left. Then I turun ah. My mom told me what happened. Then she told me to take softlan and basuh his pants.Fine.I did just that. So while I was at it, he came down and told me to just rendam his blardy pants. And when he asked if I dah letak softlan, then i said yes la..He buat muke and said I shouldve asked him what to do. Like Im gonna ask him when his in THAT kind of mood. Then he buat turun segerombolan baju pulak for me to basuh. Like WTF? I really feel like a kuli batak tau. Dah la i blew my frens off. Im having rather a hard time explaining to them.Sorry is all I can say. Then after he marah2..He ordered me to masak for him. Fine. While I tgh masak,he datang. Mcm baik. Nak pujuk2 ah tu after treating me like shit. As if i have no feelings. Having him in the kitchen when i was cooking was hellish. Everything pon tak kena. As if he knows better. masak telur pon tak betul. Then when bukak puasa, he complained about my cooking. He said to cukup rasa la. My mom tak puasa,she said ok. I tak puasa, I tasted it. I thought it was ok. WTF. Basically, yesterday was hellish. I wanted to jumpe my frens later that night, after my dad pergi terawih. He tak pergi terawih. Pissed off weyh. Then Yoke called saying that they're leaving and headed to starbucks in 15. I couldnt go. I guess I didnt tell Yoke clearly that I couldnt go. She called later on.Asked if I was going. I know Hil was pissed. Im sorry. There's things that I really cannot avoid. And there are things that I cannot explain. I hope sorry's enough.

Im leaving tomorrow. Not as excited as I thought I'd be. I donno. Im just not in the mood. I'll get better.

My primary school is just across the street. Whenever the school's having an assembly, I could hear.

Its just that, I am almost never awake whenever they do.

But I woke up rather early today coz I was supposed to meet Chai Yi around 11 am in MV.

Anyways, I dont know what they had in school today but whatever it was, singing was involved.

No complaints about the singing. Hell those kiddos can really sing. Much much better than me, if I may add.

But what suprised me the most was that those kiddos was singing songs like Unfaithful - Rihanna.

I mean c'mon. They cant be no more than 12? And they're singing that sort of songs?

What do they do about cheating? Love? Being dumped? Man, kids these days. Advanced nak mamposs.

Even me myself mase primary tak gatal. Takut dgn lelaki ade ah.

Lateeeeeeeer on mase high school je baru jinak2. Hish..

Today was different from my monotonous routine. Went to MV with Chai Yi. Plan was to buy something for Dean & Mike.

Had a hard time looking for gifts. Barang for guys are just so boring. NO OFFENCE. Wanted to get Dean a Zippo but couldnt find any. When I gave up, *angels voices* There it was. Bile dah jumpe satu. Jumpe lagi satu. Tak pe ah. Ended up buying one. PRICEY TAU! it was RM 94! 94 bucks for a freaking lighter! Gile ah Dee. And to think I dont fancy smokers? Grr..Ahahah..Im not encouraging him to smoke. I just didnt know what to get for him. Dont know what he'd like. Right now Im thinking whether or not nak kasi coz Dean mcm disappeared for 5 days edi without trace. I know la he's in Phuket. But..... Its not cool to make Delaila worry for a day. LET ALONE 5 DAYS! grrrrrrr..

Saya tak puasa. mUhahahah..Actually today's my 4th day tak puasa. Big deal. Agak potong coz awal-awal bulan puasa ni semangat nak puasa then on the 2nd day of puasa, CANNOT puasa. Potong betul la. Haih.

Chai Yi dodol belanja Dee milo. But Dee simpan dalam bag coz takkan nak minum kot. Lol..Muahahahaha..

' All my bags are packed,

I'm ready to go....'

Hahaha..Not really..My bags arent packed yet. Its funny tho. Ive never really unpacked my bags after I came back from Club Med. I guess somehow I know, I'd go back. Someday. And that someday is this SUNDAY. Which is very sudden. Im happy and sad all at the same time.

Am I being selfish? I mean, my mom's sick and Im leaving her & the rest of my family for 2 months. Am I selfish?

I didnt know how to tell my parents that Im going back. It was a heavy burden. Now that they know, feels like the burden has been lifted off. A good good feeling.

The feeling thats haunting me - Guilt. Grr..

Geram. Lepas satu-satu.

4 more days to go..

6 more days to go..

Approximately 3 years ago,
in form 5.
There was this one time,
I couldnt remember which teacher,
but she asked all of us what was our plan after SPM.
She made us go forward and talk about it.
I couldnt quite remember what the rest of the class said.
I couldnt remember what I said!
But I do remember what Alicia Leong said.
She had everything planned out.
It was scary to me.
She said she wanted to an economist.
Wanted to do A Levels and the go abroad and all.
And guess what she is abroad.
Us or something.

Point is that,
when I heard Alicia's plans for her future,
it made me realize how unprepared I was.
I didnt know what I wanted to be.
Where I wanted to study.
What course I wanted to take.
Alicia scared me.

I wanted to do Law but then not really.
I loved to bake then but it didnt occur to me that
I wanted to be a chef.
And when SPM's over and done with,
when everyone was doing something.
When everyone took up a course that they like,
it hit me that I wanted to do hospitality.
I wanted to learn more about cuisine.
But convincing my parents was hard.
I had to work for a year & a half before I could study.

And now Im doing what I like.
My passion.
Im in the right path.

Last night, I was reading a book.
Some chic lit.
I needed some light reading.
It struck me.
I want to write my own book.
I love to write.
I can write.
I have faith in my.
I still want and will be a chef.
Just that I want to be a writer too.
Wouldnt it be great?

Delaila, a chef cum writer.

wow. I can live with that.

It is a well known fact that I dont click with my parents esp my dad.
Love them but hate them all at the same time.
I guess its only normal.
Most people go thru this too.
I know Yoke does.

Who would've thought that I would have so many things in common with Yoke?
I mean, she is no doubt one of my bestie.
And our family situation is similar that its scary.
Oh well.
Thats good.
Coz now I know who I can really talk to.
Not that I cant talk to you Hil, I can.
Just that, you have a happy family.
And you click with both your parents.
I farking envy you.
No shit.

I dont see the point of fasting if all you're doing is sleep and sleep and sleep.
And when bangun, mengamuk tak tentu pasal.
I cannot tahan la.

Its ironic since my mom is sick and she's been going to places that she thinks
will do her good.
Like SJMC..Ok sjmc ok la..
But she's been visiting the witchdoctor too.
Its really up to her really but I find it ridiculous.
My dad is trying to help my mom and shit.
It shows.
He's really trying.
And put aside that he's a major pain my in arse,
he is indeed very caring but just dont know how to show it.
Im not used to seeing him all helpful and all.
I swear to God I dont know if I'll ever be able to get used to it.
I grew up fearing him.
And no matter how nice he is or wants to be,
its not gonna change the fact that I am tremendously scared of him.

Anyways,
him being nice to my mom is getting on her nerves.
He annoys her.
He is nice and mengade at times.
And my mom always always cakap that the only reason why she's sick is becoz of him.
We've got some financial thing going on and my dad's not helping and shit.
Stuff like that.

Like I said,
Ironic.
My dad wants to cure my mom when all the while the things thats making her more
and more sick is HIM.

Anyway,
today I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
Pissed the whole damn day.
I even marah Shiver which is very very uncool considering Ive never
shouted at her.
Poor soul.
And to think that I had the heart to shout at one of God's greatest creation?
Sorry shiver.
I was worried the whole damn day coz I didnt hear from Dean.
Sumbat saya.
But Chai Yi was a doll..
She helped me.
Aahaha..

Oh well..
Toodles~

Dean. Dee. KLIA.


Love makes you do stupid things. But its worth it.

Like, driving for an hour to meet HIM and spent only 15 minutes together?
Haha..Like I said, its worth it.

Tho it was brief, it was great. It was great to see him really.
No words to describe the feeling.
It was great.

He got me a bracelete from Kuching. I think its gorgeous.
I love him heaps. Really really do.

Having him in my life is a blessing. Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve such a special guy. Really.
I know Im not the nicest girl. It makes me wonder.

Sometimes I think too much. I want to do so much.
And I tend to keep my emotions hidden coz I fear of losing him.
I hate losing.
hmm..

I went to see Dean today in KLIA. Oh such joy~
Didnt think I'd see him considering my dad said no.
But to my surpise, my dad woke me up this morning and said I should go see him.
HAPPY!!!
So I went.
When I saw him, I was speechless.
I peluk him tak nak lepas.

Ecomonics are over and done with.Im glad.
It wasnt as hard as thought it'd be.
I think I did well. I hope.

Marketing & Food Science tomorrow.
Im confident.
Ala, Dee sentiasa confident but in the end?
Never good. Never satisfied.
Im only human.

Went to parade for awhile.
Ive always preferred parade than any other malls.
Tho parade has limited shops but I find it relaxing.
But parade looks different now.
How long have I not been to parade? hmm..
3 weeks I guess.
Ever since the accident.
Oh, I got my car back.
I now appreciate my car more than ever.
Its really tough not having a car and having my dad driving me around.
There's nothing wrong with it. Really.
Its just that if you know my dad, you'd know what Im talking about.

Went to MPH. Old sweetheart.lol.
There's something about that place really.
I went in and there was the sense of familliarity.
Oh yeah, that coz I worked there before.
I cant believe I left MPH more than a year ago.
I saw Mr Ong and remembered the time when I worked under him.
Oh boy was he hard to keep to.
I respect him. He worked from the very bottom to the very top.
Ok so not to the very top, but being a manager is something.
I saw the books that I used to call my babies.
I saw the suppliers. And they remembered me!
Oh such horror.
I remembered having to be at the Cashier 1 and do the PO.
After PO, do the returns which was a pain in my arse.
Not just a pain in my arse, also in my back. Literally.
Sakit belakang ok angkat2 kotak. Ish.
So many good times.
Would I go back?
I dont know.
I'll get back on that.

Right now, at home.
Not happy being home.
So stressful.
I hate home.
I hate to be the only one stuck in this farking house.
I hate having to put up to complaints.
I hate having to listen to people bitch about others.
I hate having to carry people's burden.
Burden that I shouldnt carry but its on my shoulders and theres nothing I can
do to lift it off.
I hate having to be fake.
There's still the rebellious side of me that is yet to be unleashed. Soon.
When I cant take it anymore.

So worried. About everything.
Take this feeling away.
Please pretty please?

They've confirmed me. Im going back to club med.
Problem.
How do I break the news to my parents?
I wish they could see things in my perspective.
All that aside,
I'll be leaving Subang in less than a month.
To be with Dean..:)

Dean told me a few shocking news that rocked my world.
Literally.
He's been promoted. Will be officially a GO on the 15th.
Congrats.
He'll be going away for training in Phuket for a week.
Should be leaving on the 21st until the 30th? I guess.
Good for him,really.
He worked hard.

I have to admit,its gonna be tough.
Him being a GO and me being erm a trainee..
But we'll work it out,somehow..

My finals starts tomorrow.
It'll end on Thursday.
And Im counting the days.

Tagged by Hilyah

Yourself: Twisted
Your Lover: Dean.:)
Your Hair: Red.
Your Mother: At home.
Your Father: Unpredictable.
Your Favorite Item: My books.
Your Dream Last Night: Snakes.
Your Favorite Drink: Ice water.
Your Dream Home: By the beach.
The Room You Are In: Full of PC's.
Your Pets: Dont have one.
What You Are Now: A very disappointed student.
Who You Want to be in Ten Years: A hot chef?
What You Want to be in Ten Years: A hot chef with loads of cash.
What You're Not: A hot chef with loads of money.
Your Best Friend: is around.
One of Your Wishlist Items: That corset in Topshot. I want!
Your Gender: Female.
The Last Thing You Did : Borrowed books for my sister.
What You Are Wearing: Black pants. Black one shoulder top. Black blazer.
Your Favorite Weather: Heavy rain with thunderstorms & lightning.
Your Favorite Book: Violin & Pandora's Box - Anne Rice.
The Last Thing You Ate: Lunch. Nasi.
Your Life: Complicated yet colorful.
Your Mood: Pissy.
Favorite article of clothing: None.
Favorite color: Black.
School: Getting boring.
Song: Lady - Modjo. Love song -311.
Tag: REUBEN!!

It is such a pain knowing that you still have assignments to do and your computer is being a jerk. I mean, pick a better time to get attacked by virus already. I admit, it is my fault for not updating my computer with the anti-virus. Oh well.. Thats why, right now, Im in college. Doing LAN assignment that is due next wednesday. Lucky me, this assignment is interesting. To me. So, Im all about doing it.

My days arent as interesting as it used to be. It wasnt that intereting then but it was better. I dont know whats going on. So many things in my head. I cant interprete it. I cant put it into words. I used to have so many things to say. I posted so many entries that are super long. Whats happening to me? Am I losing my writing touch? Writing is the only thing Im good at. At least better than most things that I enjoy doing other than sleep.

Term 4 is coming to an end very very soon. Im glad. Enough said.

Yoke wants me to attend college dinner in October. I dont see it happening considering I might go to CM for training. Speaking of CM, I still havent figured out the way to tell my parents if I am accepted. I'll cross the bridge when I get there la.

Ive got a huge arse zit on my left chin. It is so ugly. Urgh.

Bah.. Im out. toodles~