Goodbye 2006!

Welcome 2007!


In a few hours, we'll be saying hi to a new and hopefully wonderful year. I have to say Im excited. I dont know what's install for me in 2007. And thats the best part, not knowing. Considering today's the last day of Dec and the last day of 2006, I just want to reminisce. Everything.

Last night, when I was at Shadz's & Hanzy's place, I received the most ridiculous text message ever. Yeah, ever! Kak Ogy congratulated me becoz she heard that Dean & I are engaged. I was like stunned. Literally. Ive never heard something so ridiculous in my entire 20 years of being alive. I dont know from who she got the news from and I dont really care honestly. Its not true. I mean, yeah. Its not true. We're together. Going on strong but we've never discussed about getting engaged anytime soon. Thats just bizzarre. I told Dean. He said people in club med like to talk about others and that they like to make up rumours. HAR HAR HAR.


Oh well. Nothing exciting happened during the first 3 months this year. College happened. I had a blast in term 3. No kidding. Classes was fun. Things were the same. I havent started skipping classes yet. College was everything to me. Was not attached. Life was predictable and boring.


April - June was fun. Industrial training in Club Med happened. Met alot of nice people. I even have brothers there. And Im missing them. Mike has gone back to Indonesia tho. I miss him heaps. I was truly happy there. I know what happiness felt like. It was great. Met Dean too. Never talked to him. As in a conversation.


July - Sept was a drag. Was not excited to go back to college. Skipped alot of classes. Even practical classes. Subjects was a bore. Honest. Had to decide where I wanted to go for my 2nd industrial training. Did not hesitate in picking Club Med coz I was already dating Dean. So yeah.


Oct - Nov was great. Went back to Club Med. Spent a whole lot of time with him. Got to know him alot better. Love him even more. It was a blast. I have no words to describe it. It was just magical.


Dec sgt bosan. Stayed home the whole month. Dean came but it didnt go smooth. Not gonna go in depth. Not a good memory. Conflict dgn Dean. It was not great. I thought I was gonna lose him. But now we're ok. Still going strong. Stronger than ever. I love him more than ever. I swear.


So basically, 2006 is/ was a good year for me. I found Dean when I was not looking. I just hope 2007 will bring more happiness and less weight. haha.. Oh well.. Thats all..

Sometimes words cant justify my thoughts. My feelings. Alot of things are bugging me. And I badly want to let it go. I really do. But I dont know how. Like I said. Words cant justify my thoughts & feelings. It used to work. I wonder why it doesnt anymore.


I still remember this time around last year, I was busy shopping for restaurant stuff. I was the Restaurant Manager so I had to shop for things like centerpieces. Whatever you feel like making. I cant quite remember what I did tho. But I did something simple. I could never do something bizarre. Its not my nature. Since Christmas was around the corner, I made my dear servers wear santa hat. They looked adorable. And how could I forget Ben, the dude who screwed me up that day! I'd never forget him. All I wanted was for things to go on smoothly and predictable. But no, he just had to screw me. I already knew he had something against me. But I didnt think he'd do something to jeoperdize ( whatever) my grades. I was being graded. But I guess I did fine. Nothing extraordinary.


Dec 23rd is just around the corner. I thought this year's would be different. But I guess its gonna be just like the previous years. The different would be having Dean in my life. And Im grateful. Really. Just bumped I guess. I really wanted to see him on the 23rd Dec. He's bumped all the same. Even more I guess. He's missing his sister's engagement just becoz his leave cant be approved. What bull is that?!! Haih. So yeah.


When he told me that couldnt come down to KL and back to Kuching, I got teary. After we hung up, I cried my arse off. I dont know why I cried so hard. But it was hard for me to swallow that I wont be seeing him anytime soon. And the fact that I dont know when Im going to see him again, is just scary. Ive looked forward to it ever since I came back. And home sux. Having him for just a day would heal ya know.


We're still going strong. Stronger than ever. Half a year next month. Time flies. We're still getting to know each other. But I dare say, we've moved up to another phase. A deeper phase. And its nothing but amazing. To know that a certain guy is just as serious as you and as commited as you in making sure that this relationship work, is just amazing. He's not just my bf. He's someone I can talk to. He'll lend his ears whenever I wanna talk. It feels good. Really.

I dont trust in BFF. There's no such thing. There's no such thing as best friends either. Its just a pack of bull. And Im sick of it. Im glad I dont have one. I dont ever want one. I dont have that many frens. And its by choice actually. And I just realize that other than Chai Yi, no one's my friend now. I mean, yeah. They can be my fren, if I call them and ajak minum. And if I dont call and ask them out, it'd be just like this. Silent. No calls. For once, I want people to ajak me instead of me calling ppl up and asking them out. Im thru with it. Im sick with it. For once I want people to call me and ask me keluar because they want to hang with me and not because they need to get sumthing. Just because I drive. Not fair tau. Betul2 tak fair. I have feelings too. I dont like to be ignored. And I really dont like to be treated this way. But hell. Its too little too late now innit? I do have feelings. I do i do.


I dont know how I changed. Either way, I'd still make time for my frens if only they'd make time for moi. Oh well, they're not worth it. Fuck it.

I have McChicken from McDonalds on the table. Im hungy. And the burger's for me. But why arent I eating? Why cant I find the courage to go to the table and eat the stupid burger? I dont know whats wrong with me. I havent been eating lately. I cant eat. I'd regret if I do. But starvation arent flattering ya know. But Im so hungry.. Why do I have to always control my food? Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I can eat anything I desire without having to worry what it will do to my physical appearance. Really. Ive always controlled my appetite. I cant remember when was the last time I ate anything without having to worry. Ahahaha. Its really hard to lose weight. And for me to actually become like this, not exactly skinny but not plum either. Just nice, was what my mom say, was not easy. I had to starve myself for 6 months. No rice. No chocs. No junk food. Nothing delicious. Just roti bodoh. I know roti is carbs. You need carbs. Not much. Just a little. So yeah. I lost weight. Sampai s'rang. I used to be sickly skinny. They say la. But I tak ingat bile pun. When I look into the mirror, I still look fat. I still feel fat. I guess that my problem, not yours.

I should eat that McChicken now. Im starving like fuck.

I DONT LIKE THE LUMP ON MY EYE!! GET THE FUCK OFF! EERGGGGHH..

Was browsing thru old pictures. Maybe just maybe I do miss college. Maybe just a little. I dont know. I dont miss the studying tho. Who does? I miss the enviroment. People. Lecturers. Wearing formal attire. Coz it really does build my self-esteem.Not much, but self esteem all the same.I have a bloody lump on my right eye. It was like before. I had to go for surgery to get rid of that stupid thing and now its bloody back. Gila. I aint going to surgery no more. Enough is enough. Needles are scary.Bloody hell.

Ive got training pictures to post. But uploading it takes a LONG TIME and if you know me at all, you'd know that Delaila does not have that MUCH patience. Bahhhh..

I am so free nowadays that its unbelievable. I should start on my reports. I should. I should. But I dont have the heart to start nor to write about club med coz honestly speaking. I so miss that place. Really do. And the mere thought that I might never go back, scares me. And even if I do go back, it wouldnt be the same. Nope, it would not. I can go on & on & on about club med and you still wouldnt understand the phase that im going thru. So, Imma just stop now about Paradise.

I am going crazee not seeing Dean. And it has only been a week. Already its driving me up the walls. Can u imagine, a month? Put me in an asylum. lol. Kidding. Kangen skali ama Dean. Beyond words. I wish I can be there for him this time around. I wish that the most. I heart you , Sayang. Muah muahh.