Open up.

I have got to be the most ungrateful brat ever. I always hav things to complain about.
I wonder if its wise to even type it out here. In this blog. Wonder unwanted people reading such personal thoughts of mine.
But hey, Im entitle to my own views and opinions.

There are a few songs that brings me back to the good old days.
Like by listening to 'Amber' by 311, automatically brings me to term 3 of college.
Islamic studies! I'd be holding on to Ice's Ipod and have 'Amber', 'Love Song' & 'Separuh Nafas' on repeat.
I was never one of those people who would sleep or skip classes.
Nope.
I'd try my very best to attend classes tho it was as boring as Islamic studies.
Dont get me wrong. I have nothing against Islamic Studies.
But I just didnt see the significance of studying that.
Main contributor was the lecturer himself.
He gave notes in powerpoint form and only lectured what was written in the notes.
I mean, I could just read that.
I slept in his classes. And I was at the front row.
Boring class.
How glad that THAT is over.

I havent seen my college girlfriends in AGES.
Zara left M'sia for UK. Persuing her degree in London.
Cant recall which uni tho.
Havent seen Akila for over a year.
I am not exaggerating when I say I dont have time.
Ice is someone I see sometimes.
It simply means I only see her when she pays me a visit in fridays.

Dear blog,

Thank you for being so understanding. No one would even bother listening to my craps except you.
Heaven knows, I have alot of craps to let go.
When no one is available to talk, you'd be the perfect company.
Like now.
There's no one that I can talk to.
Nobody would understand.
Problems at work, who'd understand?
Problems at home, no one should know.
Too embarassing to tell.
Problems with Dean, who'd listen?

I dont know how to open up. I dont even know where or how to start.
Scared people would judge how I interprete my problems.

no title

Alot of people question why people blog? Why not?
Ive never really bothered wondering coz I assume people blog for the same reason I do.
A place where can I be 100% honest and no one would judge me.
A place where I know whatever's written here are kept secret and very private.
A place where Ive compiled 3 years of life.
The good. The bad. The happy times. The depressed moments.
All in one blog for me to browse and reminisce about days gone by.
Oh how great life was then.

Now, it 3.30 am. I am not asleep nor am I close to being sleepy.
I have to go to work at 8am.
I left Fridays today arnd 730pm after spending 11 hours working.
Had this little makan thing over at my uncle's.
Left his place around 9.30pm.
10 pm reached home.
That was how my day was.
Its pretty much the same you see.
I could easily force myself to sleep.
But doing so will only mean its the end of my day, as far as Im concerned.
Heaven knows, Ive got so much that I want to do.

Its amazing that most blogs that Ive read, including mine,
has more complains to make rather than appreciating life as it is.
No, it was never my intention to create a blog so that I can complain.
No no.
My blog is just a place where my thoughts could be heard.
Could be jot down in words rather than keeping them bottled up inside.
A reminder for years to come.
Just a string of thoughts that came to mind with nowhere else to express them but here.

Nowadays, my favourite word is regret.
And my favourite thing to do is thinking about days gone by.

Regret

After numerous attempts to update this blog, I am finally typing.

I havent got much to say actually.

Its rather odd that now I am finally online and ready to blog, I dont really have anything to say.
But honestly, I really want to let go.

Sometimes, I wonder if Im doing the right thing now. I have alot of questions. And no answers.

How do I be a good manager?
How do I manage my staff? or in Friday's terms team members.

Do I have to be a NICK SPIJI in order to be a great manager?
Btw, nick spiji is the senior GM and he's a wonderful manager.
The only person I look up to in this company I work in.
Feh.

I dont know.
Sometimes I wonder if I have to be a person I am not to get things done.

I started working at a very early age of 17. MPH.
My manager Mr Ong, was a great manager. He wasnt exactly intimidating.
He wasnt really scary too.
He was nice. He was one of those people you'd go to if you have problems.
One of those people you'd respect.
One of those people who'd still mingle with staff or team members, and still be well respected.
I know I did.

And so, now that Im bearing the same title he did, I wanted to be something like him.
Failing miserable, if I may add.
I cant be him.
I am not even 22.
The people I have to manage are older.

How do you be a friend and still be well respected?
I try hard.
I feel being who I am isnt enough, at least thats what they make me feel.

My biggest regret?
Started my working career far too early. The only regret.