Monday, August 17, 2009

The One Where I took pics with AAR =)

And so MTV Worldstage was last night. And I cannot emphasize enough how bumped I am still about having to work and not able to watch my favourite bands ( All american rejects & hoobastank ) Uber bumped.

But.............. Its not all bad. I got to see Kasabian, Boys like Girls and All American Rejects in person already. They came and had lunch/dinner in Fridays. I took a picture with All American Rejects!! woohoo. Though kurang clear. I dont care!! I got to see them eat for a full one hour!! Who cares right? Not forgetting Kasabian and Boys like Girls. Hoobastank went to Haagen Daaz and Romas instead. So still bumped there. Regardless, I am happy. Though I could have easily have gone to the concert if it wasnt because of work. I know I am capable of bodek-ing Jeff into giving me one of the tickets. He was bumped too coz he too had to work. Just like me. So dua2 frust. Jeff sold the tickets for RM 350 EACH! He sold 2. RM 700 buta-buta dpt. Haihz.

There's so much to tell. Dont know where to start. Dean quit his job. Starting a new job next month. A better offer. A place where he wont be mistreated. He was always tired when he was working at OldTown. I dont know. I am happy for him whatever it is. Said that he might be going back to Kuching soon-ish. Dont know how soon he's talking about. Probably because he wouldnt be able to celebrate Raya in kch. Thats why he wants to puasa a few days there. It makes sense.
I just heart him too much. Shhh. Dont tell.

I realized that my past didnt come back to haunt me. At least not really. I went hunting for it. And Ive stopped and regretted that I actually went for it. I thought it was something. It didnt happen then, I wanted to know if it could have been something now. No, it was a reminder of why it didnt happen and why it should never happen. So ok. Now thats out in the open, I should move on.

I am mostly very scared actually. I'm so scared to settle down. Not that I dont want to get married to Dean. I do! More than anything. I am scared that I might regret. There are so many things that I want to do that I havent done yet. I am deathly afraid that I might not be able to do it all before I get married. Everyone seems to be asking bila nak kawin. Not funny actually. Coz if I were to get married already, EVERYONE would know. I would tell! I want to know what it feels like to live independently. To have total freedom. To be able to go back late and not worry about people worrying about me. That sort of thing. I feel little left out in that sense.

I dah lama tak update my blog properly. I kinda miss letting all these out. They are very personal to me. Shhheeeshhh.



The All American Rejects and me =)


Friday, August 14, 2009

Rage!

I just found out that my facebook account has been hacked by a phsycho person. For what reason, I dont know. I have no access to my fb at all. That hacker has changed everything. So yeah. Its not looking so good right now. We'll see how that goes in a few days.

In the mean time, I think 2 people whom I used to call frens are now, for no reason, not talking to me. Even if I did something wrong, I think I deserve to know what is it that I did that pisses them off. So that I can make it right. But no, they just reject my calls and ignore my texts. So, I wanted to make peace with them by talking to them. But since they refused any kind of contact with me, I have decided that they should just go to hell. I tried to make things ok. What else should I do? By not telling me whats going on, doesnt make it right. So yeah, I guess since both of you have each other, you dont need anyone else. Its ok. I dont care anymore. With or without both of you pun I can live. Pfftt.

Thursday, August 06, 2009

My past is back to haunt me. And Im letting it. And I shouldnt. Its not right. Its not me.
But I cant seem to stop wondering. What might have been. What could have been.

Monday, July 20, 2009

No longer abandoned.

I have always thought that words should be written. Not typed. lol.
Ironic huh? One of the excuses that I want to believe because words dont come to me as often as it used to.
I could have 1001 feelings, and I still wont be able to write if words refuse to come.
I forgot how good writing makes me feel.
Whether its for my own 2 eyes or other people's eyes, it doesnt matter.

Currently, I feel like crap. Work is sucking the life out of me. Now, i'm just another face in the crowd with no interesting thoughts to share.

Is it worth working if you get screwed for something so small?
Is it worth working if someone else did something similar or maybe bigger and get away with it?
And get away with it all the time.
Is it worth working if you feel like a punching bag most of the time?

Let me know. If your answer's similar to mine, I'll quit. =)

Tuesday, July 07, 2009

gila bebs

I just had my laptop reformatted only to have ALL my pictures deleted. All!! My club med pictures all gone. I am going crazeeee. My club Med pictures are my dosage of sanity!

Friday, June 19, 2009

Updating my blog from my mobile :)

I am so tired that its unbelievable. I can sleep all day even with interruptions. It comes along with the promotion i guess. Btw, i just got promoted. I'm a validated restaurant manager now

Sunday, April 19, 2009

saturday

Things that must be done tomorrow :
1) That irritating thing called 'Payroll'.
2) To get that P16's schedule. Bloody schedule.
3) Typhoid injection. pfft.
4) Wash my hair.
5) Sabun baju! Looong over due kot.

Thats all la kot. But that payroll and schedule are the killer! I spent 3 damn hours doing it and it wasnt even done. Not even close!

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Lateeeerrr

As I was driving home 1/2 hour ago, I saw JHK on a car. My mind wandered. Wandered back to 2003. Back to 17. Back to Joshua Carlo Leevanhoek. Oh well. When I first started this blog, it was all about him. lol. Lets not start.

My much needed holiday is coming to an end. Soon. I need more much-needed - holiday! Dont we all?

I have never been to a concert. I didnt even know we had F1 last week and Jaykay was performing. I found out when my frens posted up pictures in FB! I mean, how sad. I try not to blame work. But I cant help it. On days that ppl have most fun, those are the days that I have to bust my ass extra hard. Now, I really wish I have a 9-5 job. And weekends off!

I want to be managed and not manage people. I suck at it. Sumpah.

After god knows how long x update blog, all I can do is merungut about work.

Moving on.. I'll update later la k? Malas!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

You wanna know what sucks most about working? You wont be able to do things you enjoy doing anymore. Leaves you tired all the time. Is it just me or does it happen to everyone else as well?

Friday, February 06, 2009

Frenship

Ive never really understood loneliness. Ive never really given much thought as to what loneliness really meant.

If by having zero frens to talk and hang out with equals to being lonely, then I know exactly what it means now.

I dont want many frens. I just want a handful that I know will be around all the time. Not to say to always be available to me, but to just be available and not disappear.

I used to call this one person a good fren. Close to a bestfren. But she found some other clique better to hang out with. She'd rather spend all her available time with that new clique.

She only called me to ask if I had wanted a cat. She knew well how much I hated cats. 8 years worth of frenship came to an end. And we havent spoken since.

Wednesday, February 04, 2009

eye opener

Have you ever came across a sight that bring tears to your eyes? I have.
And now I realize that I should be grateful with what I have because there are people out there that are not half as fortunate as I am.
Yesterday, I was doing opening shift with my fellow filipino workers.
My ideal breakfast would be nasi lemak or roti canai or cereals ( not recently tho, the first 2 screams 1000 calories each!).
One of my filipino worker had breakfast after finishing whatever he was supposed to do.
I peeped and I saw him having white rice and perencah maggi mee. No fish. No chicken. No veges. Let alone beef.
How could one eat THAT? Just that?
And here I am, rejecting every food that comes my way.
And there he was, wishing he was entitled to my free meal so that he could send more money over to the phillipines and not having to worry about food anymore.
How could one not have tears when one came across such sight?

Thursday, January 15, 2009

Holiday

Sometimes life appears to me like a bipolar syndrom. Its either you have it all or you have nothing at all.

Its never fair.

I want to be one of those who are living the good life.

I want to travel.

Speaking of travel. I have been thinking these couple of days. About London. And my plan is to go for a vacation to London next year January. After the busy period. Honestly, Id prefer to go this year. But financially, not stable. grr.

It happens. I dont have a wealthy family. This plan of mine to London, my family wont be paying. I'll be going with my own money. I think I deserve a good looong holiday after 2 years of working.

So, Ive been doing some research. Tickets to London will cost me rm 5ooo max. Then rm 2000 for shopping. I hope! lol. If i can dig out that much money. I dont know. We'll see how it goes.

Saturday, January 03, 2009

Dream.

I think it is not too late to wish all of you 'HAPPY NEW YEAR'.

To me, its just another year. All I could do is wish that this year would be different. Better I hope. Because last year wasnt the kind of year I had in mind. It was a disappointment.

I didnt get to do anything at all. I didnt get to go anywhere. I just worked the whole year. And it was unpleasant.

Alot of shit happened la. I dont feel like elaborating. All I can say, my whole life revolves around working in Fridays. And its shit. Shit place to work at.

MOVING ON.

I had this dream. And I dont usually remember my dreams. But this specific one, I do remember. Not in details.

My grandma. My lovely beloved grandma. Who left me 15 years ago. And I was 8. But I remember her. She's the only grandma that Ive never known who left me way too soon.
I regretted that I didnt get to spend much time with her because she was all the way in Terengganu. But being 8, I didnt have much of a choice. I didnt have the resources to go back as I please.

She was special. Truly was. Just like how my grandpa is strict and serious, she was the total opposite. She was loveble and friendly and caring. And I miss her truly. She always had flowers on her hair. Bunga melur. She'd have it underneath her pillow and next to her tikar sejadah (praying mat). And on her hair. Always. I can still smell it tho my nose is blocked.

I can still see her sitting on her chair with flowers on of course. Her blue red and white chair. One of those kerusi relax.

I can still remember, one of the many visits back to t'ganu, the family wanted to go out visiting relatives, I didnt want to go. And she stayed behind. With me.

We shared honeystar together. Me, her, my younger sister.

I remembered her words in the hospital when she was really sick. I called her 'Wan'.
She was " Dulu bila Wan sihat, dee & baby x kerap balik. Sekarang Wan dah sakit. Dah tak boleh main lagi dah".
That was what she said.

I dont remember the last time she came to me in my dreams. But she did. Last night. She looked happy. She really did.

I told my mom. She said, 'tu la. Dee x ingat Wan'. If only she knew how much I miss her. But she's right about tak sedekah al-fatihah. I havent done that in a while. This is a reminder. I should start.

She looked happy. My mom said she's in a good place. I believe her. She was a great person. Who left too soon.