Ive been sick for almost a week now. Doing much much better. I blame the weather. Damn you weather! Je deteste!

I dont know what's gotten into me now. Im not being myself. I looked forward to college then but now, I dont know. Just dont feel like going anymore. The subjects are boring. Lecturers. Haih. Just sgt malas nak pergi.

Right now, Im keeping my fingers crossed for CM again. Reasons why I wanna go back to CM:
1. I have to be away. Really. Its really stressful at hime.
2. I know what happiness felt like when I was there. I was really really happy.
3. Dean. My sayang. Sayang awak!

I think my chances are good. Gessh.. I hope..

Me & Dean dah almost a month. Im really happy with him. But its sad, I am like a magnet to long distance relationship. Do you know how tough it really is? But its all good. I trust him. Ive got no reason not to trust him. He's been a doll to me. Sayang awak!

I should really start on my assignments. Most of it are group tasks so I better do well coz its not only my butt on the line. I better start studying too coz Ive 4 assessments next week. 2 kitchen classes. Im doomed. Really.

Happy 2 weeks to me and Dean. Muahhahaha.. Happy, I am.

I am again, shortlisted in Club Med. Im happy. Reasons being, I get to see Dean.. And to be away. Far far away from home and civilisation.

Call me whatever you want but Im still not over Club Med. Im so far from getting over Club Med. The people especially. Gue kangen banget sama teman2 Club Med gue. Kangen skali.

College has started last week. Now, Im a specialized cuisine student. Everything's ok. Nothing special. Boring subjects with boring lecturers. I got myself a boring chef too. From Chef Patrick yg hot lagi best to Chef Chong yg mcm sgt blur with no sense of humour. Bless me for the next year with him. I'd usually be all hyped up to go to kitchen class but this term, I dont know. Kinda lost all interest. Still interested but haih.. Malas.. I dont look forward to his class at all. I do look forward when the F&B students starts firing order tho. Coz when they do so, it simply means, Im going back soon. At least sooner than them. ahahah.

Nothing interesting so far. Just that Im so happy with Dean now. I thought mr right was just lost. Turned out that mr right was right in front of my very eyes. Just that he jual mahal..ahahha..No la..he was just shy. Couldnt have asked for a better guy. He's perfect. Saya sayang awak!

Went for my industrial training briefing yesterday. I have to make my selection by this monday. This monday! And I still cant log on into the stupid ITS webbie. Dang. Im hoping to go back to Club Med. Yes, to see Dean and also because I just have to get out of this house. My mom made me feel like this house is so much better off without having me around. I felt like a burden to her. I dont know how I am a burden to her. I dont want to be one but I guess I am one. She cant seem to accept me the way I really am. And that hurts. I am not my sisters. Will never be like them. Dont wanna be them. Why is it so hard to accept the fact that I might be a little different from them? Why is it so hard to swallow that I might like my hair to be half red instead of full black? Why is so hard to face the fact that I might be a little bit daring than my sisters? Why cant she stop making me feel like a burden? Cuts me deep. Really. I really wanna go back to Club Med and I dont want to come back. If only.. I will go back whether she likes it or not. Im almost 20 now and I think I have a say in this. Its my life and I should have a say just as much as her. I just wanna get away really from all this.

Im just thankful I have Dean. He thought me how to feel and appreciate a person again. Its nice having a guy who can accept you the way you really are. If you havent found him, trust me, he's out there. Somewhere! He'll show up when you least expected it. Trust me on this! Coz Ive found mine when I wasnt looking.

My Poems..

YOU ARE

I used to think that love
Was only for pretty girls
And that there was no room
For uglies, like me, in this world.
How it hurts to see all my friends
A guy or, girl with each one;
As if dating was the only way
A person could have any fun.
I prayed that God would send me
A wonderful, sweet and kind guy.
But, would God ever answer my prayer?
Can you tell me a good reason why?
My faith was down to the last
When I first met you.
You are the answer to my prayers,
You are a dream come true.
How I Thank the heaven
That you came along;
It's wonderful to know you love me,
Together we do belong!

A NEW LOVE


You're six years older than me,
And who'd have ever thought,
That our lives would come together.
You're in my every thought.
I love you and you love me-
It's something we both know.
This is all so new to me.
I want my love to show.
I'm so glad I've found a love,
That cares the way you do.
How do I show how much I care?
I'm so scared I'll lose you.
You're so sweet and kind.
So loving and so true.
I swear your heart is made of gold.
I'm so glad that I'm with you.
I hope we're together for a long time.
I just hope you feel the same.
I hope I can trust you in everything,
For my love is not some game.
I'm sorry if that seems harsh.
I have to learn to trust again.
I hope you'll be patient with me.
Because a new love now begins.

I am happy for the past few days. Very happy. Content. Thank you Dean. You were one hell of a good actor when I was in Club Med. Who would have thought mamat jual mahal ni actually likes me. Feh, awak dodol la,Dean. Ahah. I heart you.


TOODLES!