Under pressure.

- Today started off badly.Woke up and had a extreme headache.Was like as if I wanted to faint or something like it.It gotten worst when I was in the bathroom.I turned white all of a sudden.But I couldnt spoil myself so,I fought it.And so I got dressed and went downstairs.It gotten even more worst.I was dead pale.I couldnt walk coz if I do,I'd fell.And so mom said I shouldnt go to work.I couldnt drive too.So I rested in bed.Later in the evening,when I feel a lot better,I went to the clinic alone coz my sister didnt want to come with me.So I had to drive.Mom was a wee bit pissed with her.Im sick with major headache and my sister's being selfish.Mom had the every right to be pissed.I was too.The clinic was packed.Knowing Dr.Paramjit.He's such a great doc.I waited for almost an hour.There was so many in betweens.You have no idea.There was this lady who was bitten by her neighbour's dog.Scary.She came waay later after me and went in first.Emergency cases.Highly understanable.And so my turn came.Told everything to my trusty doc.He checked my blood pressure.I have low blood symptoms.Im 18 and I have low blood?Not just low blood.I have low blood,low on sugar and Im under a lot of pressure.Yes,true.Im under a lot of pressure.

- I dont understand why myself.Did I put myself in this condition?Or all this came to me? I tried doing everything right.Everything in my power.But it all never seems enough for anybody.When the doc said Im under alot of pressure,I started thinking.I didnt think that could happen to me.I mean pressure.I think,I think a lot.I do.And it sux.I kept thinking about the what if's in life.And it scares the shit out of me.After what Vijay said about my future,I lost a lot of faith in what I always wanted.It's like,Im never going have any of that.

- Half of me is gone,really.I dont have a purpose in life anymore.The only purpose left is making money.More money.

- I miss my Josh but I kept thinking if he misses me as much as I miss him or he doesnt seem to miss me at all? He's all that I have and all that I want.And he's just has to be in the Phillipines.A place where I have no way to contact him.Like I said,Ive lost all hope.And half of me is gone.Im going to let go now.I dont know what's going to happen to me in the future.Im leaving all that to fate.Whatever that's going to happen,Im going to let it happen.