Sweet Pendemonium.

-Everyone today seems to be pms-ing.Starting from my dad who has been pms-ing since 3 days ago.Life has not been juicy since then.And my mom starts pms-ing right after my dad.And today,K.Zizi too.All these stuff makes staying at home a torture.I feel tortured.I feel like working.I feel like doing something without being scared.I stayed at home today with fear.I went home everyday and night from work with fear.And its not fun.It's not freedom.Home is somewhere you feel comfortable and safe.Its not that I dont feel comfy or safe.Dont get me wrong,I do.Its just that I'm scared.Scared of my dad.Scared that he'll flip again.Thats scary.I feel like I have limits at home.People may not know this but Im different when my dad's around.Im scared of him.Not respect but fear.And I know it's not normal.He's not normal.He's 1 in a million.

- Its amazing how he covers himself in front of people.He's truly nice to everyone else.Very nice that some find it hard to believe when I say he's scary and fierce.Even my own friends.But its ok.Its not their fault if they cant see the real him.Coz he's not himself when there's people.Other people.

- I dont get my mom too.If she cant stand him,get a divorce.We want it too.In that way,we're all equally happy.For the first time.But all this are all words.If only actions are as easy as words.If only actions are easy to do as words are easy to say.But thats not reality now is it?I dont get life.

- What is the true meaning of life anyway?To lead life as we please or to have a good life like get a good education,good job,great family and live happily ever after?Cause if thats the case,Im not leading both.Harharhar.

- I once said to Josh that I dont have a purpose in life.I know its selfish of me to say that.But sometime I do feel like I dont have a purpose.Wanna know what Josh said?He said that I do.But when I asked him a stupid question like,what is my purpose? He said that's the best part.We dont know.That I'll know my purpose all in good time.But thats rather true right?You dont know your purpose too,right? What we do now is our purpose.Its our duty to find it.Harharhar...

- Went out with Hilly and Fudgie.Has been a while.Not with Hilly.Just Fudge.I see Hil almost every week.If not everyweek,then its a couple of times a week.Harharhar.They were seriously a bunch of locos.Esp when Fudge is around.She's one big loco madness.She can laugh for no good reason.And I realize that they both curse in every sentence.Hil esp.I curse too,but not as often.Its like,"fucking hot la"."Fucking expensive".That kind of thing.Not that I mind,just that I just noticed.

- It's 9.23pm and I havent seen Josh.Think I said 9 yesterday but I guess he thought it's 1030 or he's running late.Nevermind.I could never get upset with Josh for long.Wanna know why?Coz talking to him melts me.Seriously.Harharhar.Im being corny.But honest corny.Not just plain corny ok?There's so many reasons to love the guy.One thing,he's 20 and he's not afraid of commitment.I like that in a guy.He's almost 21.This 21st of march.Thats coming up real soon.Other than a bf,he's like a bestfren where I can just tell him everything and he'll listen and give good advises.Really.

- I could never get bored talking to him but you could,so I'll stop.Harharhar.Dont think Josh would like me talking about him like this too.Ok,I'll stop..