Will I ever find my one true love?
Do you believe there is such?
I've reached out on a long search
But never close enough to touch
Couldn't find anyone to hold me
Lost in nothing but my dreams
Everyone I loved was false
I said screw my self-esteem
Is love just something you say
To get what you want
Because real love is fake
You say the three words
So that you can come and take
Whatever you want
All I ever wanted was someone
To tell me he would be there
To have that special felling
But no one ever seemed to care
It disgusts me that my one guy
Never came to cure my loathing
It's over now no one to stop me
Watch my dead limp body floating
Is love just something you say
To get what you want
Because real love is fake
You say the three words
So that you can come and take
Whatever you want
A fisherman finds and pulls it in
Still blood red from dripping wounds
Watch me on the eight o'clock news
Maybe my love will find me soon
- How's that for a lonely girl? Nvm.It came out of nowhere actually.
Thursday, April 28, 2005
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
tell me your dreams.
Life sometimes leaves me dazed
with no way to stumble
through the maze I seek peace
and ask for the release,
nothing seems real,
it seems I cant feel.
So much pain on my heart rains,
wonder whats after death?
is that the best path?
is it really just black or does it hold the light I lack?
sometimes I cut,
digging through the hurt
cause my tears cant ease my fears.
Why should I stay when the pain in me lays,
but even at death I lose guess its not for me to choose,
so through life I crawl and try not to drop the ball,
who knows what the future holds?
or when I have to fold.
-Hmm.Really cant find the right words to describe my feelings and thoughts.Guess that should do.It has been a while.I havent been doing poetry for a while now.All that I did these past month was composing an essay of my hellish life.ahaks.More like vent actually.Helps me to let go.I have to really think deep if I were to write a poem but unlike an essay,its kinda free verse.It can be as long as you want and it doesnt have to rhyme.Not that my poems rhymes.Well maybe just some.
- My mom is so excited for my sister.She's going for an interview with UITM tomorrow morning.And I feel so stupid.Feel like a total Dumbshit actually.She got a call back and I got rejected.You see whats it doing to my self esteem?Not that I have any,but heck,its even lower.She's so happy for my sister.I am too but Im envious too.Who in their right mind wouldnt?
- I feel pressured too.Home and work.Mr Ong pulled out returns for me.He shouldnt have done that!I mean,I should be doing it but I wanted to help K.Ummu by not taking out any returns coz I can see that she's had enough.She has 100+ cartons to handle ok? I was just being considerate.But I guess people just dont care that I was doing K.Ummu a favor.And now I feel so damn bad that Mr Ong did my job.How can I face him now? He mustve thought that I was a total dumbshit.Not worth hiring.Haih..I was just doing K Ummu a favor..I really did..Selfish salah.Tak selfish pon salah.Susah la.
- Another thing to feel pressured about is my education.I should be getting my MMU results now.My sister got it early.Maybe I didnt get in thats why they havent sent me any letter.Can I get anymore unlucky than I already am now? My dream would be studying hospitality.The other day I was convinced that my mom wanted me to take up tessl if I dont get into MMU.But now she's asking whether Im interested in tourism.What does she think I am?A yo-yo? I mean Im flattered that my mom cares but to change her decision that drastic? Dont I have a say?Oh well.Ive sait it once,I should let her decide.Might do me some good.
- I was reading my previous conversations with Josh.It made me cry.I missed him so much.I dont know what Ive missed.I lost 'THE MOST SWEETEST' guy Ive ever met.He was the love of my life.He still are.He drew a potrait of me.lol.It was really sweet.I was touched.I'd do anything just to talk to him again.He was on last night but I missed him coz I talked to his cousin instead.Guess we're not meant to be.I really-really-really have to see him.Its driving me crazy.I dont know much but I do know I love the guy.
- IM off.night.
with no way to stumble
through the maze I seek peace
and ask for the release,
nothing seems real,
it seems I cant feel.
So much pain on my heart rains,
wonder whats after death?
is that the best path?
is it really just black or does it hold the light I lack?
sometimes I cut,
digging through the hurt
cause my tears cant ease my fears.
Why should I stay when the pain in me lays,
but even at death I lose guess its not for me to choose,
so through life I crawl and try not to drop the ball,
who knows what the future holds?
or when I have to fold.
-Hmm.Really cant find the right words to describe my feelings and thoughts.Guess that should do.It has been a while.I havent been doing poetry for a while now.All that I did these past month was composing an essay of my hellish life.ahaks.More like vent actually.Helps me to let go.I have to really think deep if I were to write a poem but unlike an essay,its kinda free verse.It can be as long as you want and it doesnt have to rhyme.Not that my poems rhymes.Well maybe just some.
- My mom is so excited for my sister.She's going for an interview with UITM tomorrow morning.And I feel so stupid.Feel like a total Dumbshit actually.She got a call back and I got rejected.You see whats it doing to my self esteem?Not that I have any,but heck,its even lower.She's so happy for my sister.I am too but Im envious too.Who in their right mind wouldnt?
- I feel pressured too.Home and work.Mr Ong pulled out returns for me.He shouldnt have done that!I mean,I should be doing it but I wanted to help K.Ummu by not taking out any returns coz I can see that she's had enough.She has 100+ cartons to handle ok? I was just being considerate.But I guess people just dont care that I was doing K.Ummu a favor.And now I feel so damn bad that Mr Ong did my job.How can I face him now? He mustve thought that I was a total dumbshit.Not worth hiring.Haih..I was just doing K Ummu a favor..I really did..Selfish salah.Tak selfish pon salah.Susah la.
- Another thing to feel pressured about is my education.I should be getting my MMU results now.My sister got it early.Maybe I didnt get in thats why they havent sent me any letter.Can I get anymore unlucky than I already am now? My dream would be studying hospitality.The other day I was convinced that my mom wanted me to take up tessl if I dont get into MMU.But now she's asking whether Im interested in tourism.What does she think I am?A yo-yo? I mean Im flattered that my mom cares but to change her decision that drastic? Dont I have a say?Oh well.Ive sait it once,I should let her decide.Might do me some good.
- I was reading my previous conversations with Josh.It made me cry.I missed him so much.I dont know what Ive missed.I lost 'THE MOST SWEETEST' guy Ive ever met.He was the love of my life.He still are.He drew a potrait of me.lol.It was really sweet.I was touched.I'd do anything just to talk to him again.He was on last night but I missed him coz I talked to his cousin instead.Guess we're not meant to be.I really-really-really have to see him.Its driving me crazy.I dont know much but I do know I love the guy.
- IM off.night.
Sunday, April 24, 2005
bat shitter.
- I'm like so emo I can just die.Seriously.I can see them everywhere.They're like germs.Clingy.So envy.I so want it but I so dont have it and I so dont think I'll ever get it and Im soo fucked up and I so dont care what you think when you read it.lol.
- Some people just say what they say coz they just want me to feel better.And thats not helping.They're just saying what they feel they should rather than saying things that should be said.I mean come on.Dont just say "Dee cheer up and be happy.Its nothing.You'll get past it." You really think I dont wanna be happy-happy? You really think I dont wanna be all cheerful? I do but thats not me for starters and secondly isnt it abit hypocritical? Frankly,I am not a happy person.Period.And how I can act it out?I mean my life sux and I lost Josh.Whats there to love right? I just dont like it when people starts asking me questions and pretend that they care when the truth is that they dont give a tiny rats arse.I know.I can tell.Pardon me,like I said,Im so god-damn-it emo.
- I will never get over Josh now will I? I mean I havent seen him in almost a week and its driving me to my nuts.I think about him all the time.I see him when I saw a CRV.I see him when I ate nachos.I see him when I saw a html book.I see him almost everywhere.His voice is crytal clear in my mind,you dont have to ask me that.Its like torture.People might say Im crazy.I dont really know what I want.
- Right now,Im just waiting for my new chapter in life to begin.I wonder whens that.hmm.
- I have a book called 'Self-Empowerment".I havent started reading it.But I think I should coz Im so emo.I shouldnt be cutting my wrist nemore.It hurts tau.Should read a self help book.ahaks.
-Im off.
- Some people just say what they say coz they just want me to feel better.And thats not helping.They're just saying what they feel they should rather than saying things that should be said.I mean come on.Dont just say "Dee cheer up and be happy.Its nothing.You'll get past it." You really think I dont wanna be happy-happy? You really think I dont wanna be all cheerful? I do but thats not me for starters and secondly isnt it abit hypocritical? Frankly,I am not a happy person.Period.And how I can act it out?I mean my life sux and I lost Josh.Whats there to love right? I just dont like it when people starts asking me questions and pretend that they care when the truth is that they dont give a tiny rats arse.I know.I can tell.Pardon me,like I said,Im so god-damn-it emo.
- I will never get over Josh now will I? I mean I havent seen him in almost a week and its driving me to my nuts.I think about him all the time.I see him when I saw a CRV.I see him when I ate nachos.I see him when I saw a html book.I see him almost everywhere.His voice is crytal clear in my mind,you dont have to ask me that.Its like torture.People might say Im crazy.I dont really know what I want.
- Right now,Im just waiting for my new chapter in life to begin.I wonder whens that.hmm.
- I have a book called 'Self-Empowerment".I havent started reading it.But I think I should coz Im so emo.I shouldnt be cutting my wrist nemore.It hurts tau.Should read a self help book.ahaks.
-Im off.
Wednesday, April 20, 2005
Rewind.
- I browsed a couple of old high school photos.Prom too.I miss those times.If only I knew how much I'd miss high school,I wouldve done something better to cherish it.If only I knew life would be so complicated as we grow,I couldve been more prepared.But then again,no one knows what the future has in store for us right?Somehow all this complicated things are testing me mentally and I realized now that I am not strong mental-wise.I get easily depressed when things dont go my way.I'm working on it.
- My aunty called my mom this morning saying that my sister will be going to an interview with UITM.That's great news innit?She said that there's 80% chances of my sister getting in UITM.But all that really depends whether or not she'd nail the interview.There'd be a writing test of some sort I think.Why else would they want her to bring a malay-english dictionary?Maybe they want to test her english.Its mass-comm btw.I really hope she'd do well coz I think she doesnt speak english as often as I do.And her tenses are all over the place.Not that mine is any good but I think Im better la.Writing wise and speaking wise.
- I kinda have a little bit of jealousy somewhere deep inside of me.I cant help feeling the way that I do.She's lucky and Im not half as fortunate as she is.I've got a feeling that I wont get in.Anyway,I guess my sister deserved it.She worked hard.And I dont?Thats something to ponder on..
- I really-really miss high school.I miss 4/5 Akur year 2002/03.I miss Alicia,Florence,Yvvone,Elena,Aishah,Hakimah aka Kimmy Francis(LOL),Yeng Yoke,Careen,Charis,Wei Yan,Shereen,Yaya,Alea,Samreena,Shadz,Shaji and Asha.And of course not forgetting Kenrick,the only boy in my class.I tak miss Hil sgt coz I see her almost every week.lol.And most of all I miss our Purple class.We painted that class purple.We shared so many good times in that class.It was the best 2 years of my life.I mean it! I missed the time where we would sit closer to Pn.Khoo during Lit.We would act out scenes from Macbeth.She'd ask us questions and opinions.The time where Hakimah acted as the Sultan in Hang Li Po for BM.Shereen would be the princess and she'd have a big tummy.The princess was supposed to be pregnant.And my group was doing a different act.'Jangan bunuh rama-rama' or something.Myself and Shadz went to the same tuition back then and we'd ask out tuition teacher about the act and he'd explained.It was complicated.We had to explain to the whole group.Good times.Debate during english and sometimes have a chat with Pn Cheam.Took notes for science with Saufharddy and he'd often used the word 'sontot' and Kimmy would laugh and started using the word.Sat up during bm coz Zubaidah was our 2nd teacher.Pn Vasanthi was transferred to JB.I'd read Alicia's mags coz both of us werent taking accounts.Chased by the prefects coz we were having our recess in our class.And bond in between classes.I can still remember Hilyah's nelly joke.Hilyah's fight with Yaya and they're still not talking.Gossip with Alea on Incubus,Hayden,Silverchair.Me and Alea have so many things in common that its like unbelievable.Myself,Yaya and Alea would irritate Samreena.Good old times.I miss Sam.
" if only I could turn back the hour,
but I know I dont have the power.."
Im off..
- My aunty called my mom this morning saying that my sister will be going to an interview with UITM.That's great news innit?She said that there's 80% chances of my sister getting in UITM.But all that really depends whether or not she'd nail the interview.There'd be a writing test of some sort I think.Why else would they want her to bring a malay-english dictionary?Maybe they want to test her english.Its mass-comm btw.I really hope she'd do well coz I think she doesnt speak english as often as I do.And her tenses are all over the place.Not that mine is any good but I think Im better la.Writing wise and speaking wise.
- I kinda have a little bit of jealousy somewhere deep inside of me.I cant help feeling the way that I do.She's lucky and Im not half as fortunate as she is.I've got a feeling that I wont get in.Anyway,I guess my sister deserved it.She worked hard.And I dont?Thats something to ponder on..
- I really-really miss high school.I miss 4/5 Akur year 2002/03.I miss Alicia,Florence,Yvvone,Elena,Aishah,Hakimah aka Kimmy Francis(LOL),Yeng Yoke,Careen,Charis,Wei Yan,Shereen,Yaya,Alea,Samreena,Shadz,Shaji and Asha.And of course not forgetting Kenrick,the only boy in my class.I tak miss Hil sgt coz I see her almost every week.lol.And most of all I miss our Purple class.We painted that class purple.We shared so many good times in that class.It was the best 2 years of my life.I mean it! I missed the time where we would sit closer to Pn.Khoo during Lit.We would act out scenes from Macbeth.She'd ask us questions and opinions.The time where Hakimah acted as the Sultan in Hang Li Po for BM.Shereen would be the princess and she'd have a big tummy.The princess was supposed to be pregnant.And my group was doing a different act.'Jangan bunuh rama-rama' or something.Myself and Shadz went to the same tuition back then and we'd ask out tuition teacher about the act and he'd explained.It was complicated.We had to explain to the whole group.Good times.Debate during english and sometimes have a chat with Pn Cheam.Took notes for science with Saufharddy and he'd often used the word 'sontot' and Kimmy would laugh and started using the word.Sat up during bm coz Zubaidah was our 2nd teacher.Pn Vasanthi was transferred to JB.I'd read Alicia's mags coz both of us werent taking accounts.Chased by the prefects coz we were having our recess in our class.And bond in between classes.I can still remember Hilyah's nelly joke.Hilyah's fight with Yaya and they're still not talking.Gossip with Alea on Incubus,Hayden,Silverchair.Me and Alea have so many things in common that its like unbelievable.Myself,Yaya and Alea would irritate Samreena.Good old times.I miss Sam.
" if only I could turn back the hour,
but I know I dont have the power.."
Im off..
Sunday, April 17, 2005
FINE.
- Life most definately have to give me some ups weih..Dont la liddat..I dont like to be unhappy la..Change my life a bit la..Not much,just a bit.This is the worst part about knowing how to read tarots.I cant read me.Someone else has to do it.But I dont know anyone who knows how to read tarot.Haih.My deck has absorbed my energy and became too familliar with it and that it became almost impossible to read.Me,that is.
- When I said FINE,I mean F-UCKED UP,I-NSECURE,N-EUROTIC,E-MOTIONAL. Ahahah..Im happy happy happy after talking to Josh..HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY.God,I just love it how Josh makes me feel happy.Even just talking online.You make me happy Joshua.You!!
- Mahal kita...
- When I said FINE,I mean F-UCKED UP,I-NSECURE,N-EUROTIC,E-MOTIONAL. Ahahah..Im happy happy happy after talking to Josh..HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY.God,I just love it how Josh makes me feel happy.Even just talking online.You make me happy Joshua.You!!
- Mahal kita...
Saturday, April 16, 2005
Letter to someone who cares.
- After working for almost a year now,I realize that there are even less people that could be trusted.I've never trusted people.But I started to learn slowly when I met Josh.But now that we're not together anymore,I started to be more like me,then.I'm sorry Josh.I have things happening to me all thru out this week and I really cant handle it.You've disappeard.No trace.I only have Hil.And I dont expect her to be there for me 24-7.Im not the clingy type and Hil doesnt like clingy people also.And I have to be independent now.But I'm not that strong.Hmm..Moving on..
- Btw,whats the whole point of trusting people anyway?At the end of the day,they betray you right?Things happen?Sure.Well,I do trust some la.You know who you are.
- Work has been so stressing.Its like Im not doing enough.What I do is not enough.I'm working under Mr Ong now.Its hard to keep up.He's a workaholic.Im not like him.But I have to keep up.Its tiring.I donno.I want him to realize that Im doing my job.I want him to know that I am good.But heck,who am I to kid eyh?And as for Parames,she's going to get promoted.Im going to type my resignation letter soon.I dont wanna work under her.
- Family wise? No better than work.Maybe just equal.Or maybe worse.I just cant stand it.I cant..Last night was the worst.Went to work early in the morning.No breakfast,nothing.Not that I expected any.But nagging was what I get.Oh joy~ Got back home,it was raining.I was soaked.But my mom didnt care that I was soaking wet.That I didnt feel good.That I cant eat.She wanted me to go places and buy stuff for her like my K.ZZ cant do that.Dont get me wrong.I didnt mind.But please let me rest first.Ive had a bad day.
- Health wise? Not doing too good too.I cant eat,coz if I do,I'd throw up.I dont know why.
-Im just stressed.I have a plaster on my left wrist.Go figure.It felt good.Im not writing all this to get sympathy or anything.I just need to let go.
- Im worried about Josh.I still care.And please dont tell me that he's in the hospital.
- im off-
- Btw,whats the whole point of trusting people anyway?At the end of the day,they betray you right?Things happen?Sure.Well,I do trust some la.You know who you are.
- Work has been so stressing.Its like Im not doing enough.What I do is not enough.I'm working under Mr Ong now.Its hard to keep up.He's a workaholic.Im not like him.But I have to keep up.Its tiring.I donno.I want him to realize that Im doing my job.I want him to know that I am good.But heck,who am I to kid eyh?And as for Parames,she's going to get promoted.Im going to type my resignation letter soon.I dont wanna work under her.
- Family wise? No better than work.Maybe just equal.Or maybe worse.I just cant stand it.I cant..Last night was the worst.Went to work early in the morning.No breakfast,nothing.Not that I expected any.But nagging was what I get.Oh joy~ Got back home,it was raining.I was soaked.But my mom didnt care that I was soaking wet.That I didnt feel good.That I cant eat.She wanted me to go places and buy stuff for her like my K.ZZ cant do that.Dont get me wrong.I didnt mind.But please let me rest first.Ive had a bad day.
- Health wise? Not doing too good too.I cant eat,coz if I do,I'd throw up.I dont know why.
-Im just stressed.I have a plaster on my left wrist.Go figure.It felt good.Im not writing all this to get sympathy or anything.I just need to let go.
- Im worried about Josh.I still care.And please dont tell me that he's in the hospital.
- im off-
Thursday, April 14, 2005
Im Morbida..
- My back hurts.My legs are hurting too.
- Have you ever feel the feeling of uncertainty?I cant say what Im feeling right now.Is it loneliness?Is it fear? I just dont know.I just cant seem to...Feel..Cant seem to find the words to say.But like I said I cant feel.So there's no way in finding the words..
-Curiousity.I think that's it.The feeling.Im curious about alot of stuff.I wont state what coz I'll look like one dumb lady.Lady?LOL.Im curious about alot of stuff.What and how does it feels like to be in college?How does it feel like to have someone who would always be there no matter what?I had Josh before but I have to understand his situation innit?He's not mine anymore so I cant expect him to be here always.
- I think I'm surrounded by people that cares.I have Hilly to talk but like I said I have to understand.She has college to worry about.Assignments.I have colleagues.But I just dont seem to fit in.It's like Im still a stranger.I try to be more like them but thats just not me.Haih..There will always be a hole in my life.And that hole is getting bigger and bigger by day.
- " Let by gone be by gone".Is that how we spell it? Anyway,its so damn easy to say! Im trying to move on.I dont want to be the pathetic me anymore but its so hard.You think I like having low self-esteem? You think I like putting myself down always?I dont.I really want to fix it tho some people may not notice it.But sometimes past experiences was so great that its really hard to get over it.I tried reading self-help books.But its not helping.I have to fix me.What the fuck is wrong with me?
- Sometimes I wish I can say "That guy is so hot and he's so going to be mine". But reality check.I can always say it but it would never happen.Why?My lack of self-esteem.Anyone here know how to boost self-esteem?
- I want to move on and yet I'm not ready.Or in other words,I dont want to move on.I am still the same person.I am still Delaila who doesnt give a shit about what people may think about her.Yeah.Am still Delaila who's madly in love with Joshua and think that she's in denial.Am still Delaila who starts reading Tarots (its fun when you know how to read it).Am still the same Delaila who's into goth shit.Am still the same Delaila who digs books,writing poetry and loves listening to music.Am still the same Delaila who's so full of rage,lack of patience and rebellious BUT trying hard to keep her rage under control and trying to look for more space patience-wise.And I try not to rebel that much tho sometimes I do look for my knife.lol.My knife's is with my maid.Found it.Took it.Sial je.But nvm.For better use.I'm still me I guess.But with a different name.Im MORBIDA.
- Where am I getting to?I have no idea.All this doesnt make much sense.
People who bough 'The Rule of Four' is stupid coz its damn boring.Its not even half as good as 'Da Vinci Code'.'He's just not that into me' is great.Made me realize something.But 'Honestly,you're not that into either' is full of shit.The guy doesnt know what he's talking about.
Think Im going to borrow some lovey-dovey books tomorrow.OR maybe self help.
Hilyah has new hair.Her new hair reminds me of Zul's old hair.Sorry Hil and Zul.Eyh..That's compliment tau!I think Zul's old hair rocks!Retro.Cantik.ahha..Dee sewel la.
Im off..I think Color My Iris best.ahhah..Dont you think so??
BYE!.
- Have you ever feel the feeling of uncertainty?I cant say what Im feeling right now.Is it loneliness?Is it fear? I just dont know.I just cant seem to...Feel..Cant seem to find the words to say.But like I said I cant feel.So there's no way in finding the words..
-Curiousity.I think that's it.The feeling.Im curious about alot of stuff.I wont state what coz I'll look like one dumb lady.Lady?LOL.Im curious about alot of stuff.What and how does it feels like to be in college?How does it feel like to have someone who would always be there no matter what?I had Josh before but I have to understand his situation innit?He's not mine anymore so I cant expect him to be here always.
- I think I'm surrounded by people that cares.I have Hilly to talk but like I said I have to understand.She has college to worry about.Assignments.I have colleagues.But I just dont seem to fit in.It's like Im still a stranger.I try to be more like them but thats just not me.Haih..There will always be a hole in my life.And that hole is getting bigger and bigger by day.
- " Let by gone be by gone".Is that how we spell it? Anyway,its so damn easy to say! Im trying to move on.I dont want to be the pathetic me anymore but its so hard.You think I like having low self-esteem? You think I like putting myself down always?I dont.I really want to fix it tho some people may not notice it.But sometimes past experiences was so great that its really hard to get over it.I tried reading self-help books.But its not helping.I have to fix me.What the fuck is wrong with me?
- Sometimes I wish I can say "That guy is so hot and he's so going to be mine". But reality check.I can always say it but it would never happen.Why?My lack of self-esteem.Anyone here know how to boost self-esteem?
- I want to move on and yet I'm not ready.Or in other words,I dont want to move on.I am still the same person.I am still Delaila who doesnt give a shit about what people may think about her.Yeah.Am still Delaila who's madly in love with Joshua and think that she's in denial.Am still Delaila who starts reading Tarots (its fun when you know how to read it).Am still the same Delaila who's into goth shit.Am still the same Delaila who digs books,writing poetry and loves listening to music.Am still the same Delaila who's so full of rage,lack of patience and rebellious BUT trying hard to keep her rage under control and trying to look for more space patience-wise.And I try not to rebel that much tho sometimes I do look for my knife.lol.My knife's is with my maid.Found it.Took it.Sial je.But nvm.For better use.I'm still me I guess.But with a different name.Im MORBIDA.
- Where am I getting to?I have no idea.All this doesnt make much sense.
People who bough 'The Rule of Four' is stupid coz its damn boring.Its not even half as good as 'Da Vinci Code'.'He's just not that into me' is great.Made me realize something.But 'Honestly,you're not that into either' is full of shit.The guy doesnt know what he's talking about.
Think Im going to borrow some lovey-dovey books tomorrow.OR maybe self help.
Hilyah has new hair.Her new hair reminds me of Zul's old hair.Sorry Hil and Zul.Eyh..That's compliment tau!I think Zul's old hair rocks!Retro.Cantik.ahha..Dee sewel la.
Im off..I think Color My Iris best.ahhah..Dont you think so??
BYE!.
Monday, April 11, 2005
Eva Mendez?HOT.
-The best part about today was watching HITCH with my brother and sister.Ate McFlurry OREO.Yum~.Talked to Josh after days of not seeing him.I missed him.
-Worst part was,it was only brief with Josh.Kinda bumped.He's got a new life.I should move on like him.He doesnt want me anymore.I should stop waiting.I wasnt going to argue with him.Just wanted to let him know what I was thinking.Next time,I'll just shut up.Coz stuff that comes out of my mouth is POISON.
-Im really down.Hil tried to talk some sense but Im too down.Thanks.I really appreciate it.HONEST.
- I want a kid.But its soo unreachable.Almost impossible.Who would want to have kids with me huh?Fugly old fart.Too childish for anything.I dont deserve anyone.Period.Sometimes I wish feelings dont exist.
- But I still love him whatever it is.
-Worst part was,it was only brief with Josh.Kinda bumped.He's got a new life.I should move on like him.He doesnt want me anymore.I should stop waiting.I wasnt going to argue with him.Just wanted to let him know what I was thinking.Next time,I'll just shut up.Coz stuff that comes out of my mouth is POISON.
-Im really down.Hil tried to talk some sense but Im too down.Thanks.I really appreciate it.HONEST.
- I want a kid.But its soo unreachable.Almost impossible.Who would want to have kids with me huh?Fugly old fart.Too childish for anything.I dont deserve anyone.Period.Sometimes I wish feelings dont exist.
- But I still love him whatever it is.
Saturday, April 09, 2005
Pardon me.....
I miss surveys.Pardon me readers....
~*~*~Basics~*~*~
Name:: Delaila Abdullah.
Nicknames:: Dee.Thats it.Nothin else.
Sex:: Female.
Age:: 18.
Sign:: Capricorn.Tiger.
Sexuality:: I'm straight.
~*~*~Looks~*~*~
Eye Color:: Dark brown.
Hair Color:: Currently,black.
Weight:: 51kg now.Kak Paru was right.Im getting fatter.Should eat less now.
Height:: 5'3 or more.
Shoe Size:: Size 5 or 6.Depends.
~*~*~School~*~*~
School:: SMSJ.
School Colors:: Err..I cant remember.
Grade:: Graduated 2 years ago.
Favorite Subject:: History and Literature but I sucked at both.
Least Favorite Subject:: Economics and Math.
Favorite Teacher:: Mr.Saufharddy and Pn Khoo.
Least Favorite Teacher:: I don't think there were any that were a least favourite one.
~*~*~Favorites~*~*~
Color:: Black, Wine red,Dark purple.
Movie:: More than one: Edward Scissorshand,Beetlejuice,Gremlins bla bla.
TV Show:: That t.v. is out to kill me, I swear. It stalks me. So I don't watch t.v. cause it scares me.
Band:: Also more than one: Incubus,HIM,Yellowcard,Silverchair,Coldplay bla bla.
Singer:: Saliva's singer,Josey Scott and lots more.
Rapper:: I don't like rap to begin with.
Song: Again, more than one: November Rain and lots more.
Fruit:: Apples.Red ones only thank you.
Vegetable:: I dont fancy vegetables.
Drink:: Water, vanilla coke,iced tea,teh tarik.
Season:: I dont have much of a choice now do I?
Holiday:: Doesnt matter.
Number:: 9.
~*~*~Do You...~*~*~
Smoke:: No. Waste of money.
Drink:: No. Also a waste of money.
Do Drugs:: No. Another waste of money.
Belive in God:: Most definately.
Keep a Diary:: Well, I call it a journal, but I suppose its the same thing.
Wear Glasses/Contacts:: No glasses, no contacts.
Have a Boy/Girl-friend:: I'm single.Currently la.haih.
Who:: Refer to previous answer.
Play a Sport:: Used to.
What:: Handball,gymnastics.ahaha.
Have any Piercings:: Yes, I do.
Where:: Just my ears.
Have Friends with Benefits:: I don't go for this sort of thing. I think it's just for people who are too weak to deal with an actual relationship. And none of you better even say (mimicking in a high voice) 'oh I've been through a hellish relationship, blah blah blah....' You think you're the only one? Get over yourself. I've been through more hell than I care to even mention, yet I'm still willing to go for a relationship with the right type of person. And I don't go for 'friends with benefits'.
~*~*~Have You...~*~*~
Smoked:: No.
Drank:: No.
Done Drugs:: No.
Gotten Drunk:: No.
Had Friends with Benefits:: No.
Used Someone:: I haven't used anyone for anything.
Been Used:: Bloody hell, I could lose track trying to count all the times I've been used.
~*~*~Your Friends~*~*~
Best Friend:: None.Just close frens.
Best Person to Talk to:: Hilly and Joshua.
Funniest:: Hil and Fudge but they're loud and witty at times.
Prettiest:: Certainly not me.
Smartest:: I really don't know.
Wildest:: Don't know this either.
Most Calm:: Shadz?
Biggest Flirt:: Fudge and Shadz.
Class Clown:: Hilly.
Nicest Body:: Shadz?lol
Most Trustworthy:: I dont really trust people.Just some that are worth trusting like Hilly,Josh,Yuzni and maybe Fudge.
Most Understanding:: Well, I don't think anyone really understands me, but they try.
Most Attracted To:: I just one person.You know who you are.
~*~*~Last Time You...~*~*~
Hugged Someone:: Oh hell, that was a long time ago. I don't remember.
Kissed Someone:: Err..
Talked to Someone:: This evening.
Cried:: A few nights ago.I was having an emotional breakdown and I havent seen Joshua in days,I was sad.So tears came down.
Laughed:: Earlier today, I don't remember exactly when.
Saw a Movie:: Has been awhile.
Went to the Movies:: Last year.
Went out with Someone:: You mean a guy?A date?I havent gone on a date.No Im serious.
Ate:: Dinner.Rice.Gotta stop eating rice now.Making me fat.
~*~*~Last Person You...~*~*~
Hugged:: My nephew,Qarl and Meera.
Kissed:: Refer to previous answer.
Talked To:: My brother.
Cried About:: Myself,my life,Joshua.
Laughed About:: Again, myself. I do too many stupid things.
Saw a Movie With:: I cant remember.
Went to the Movies With:: I cant remember.
Went Out With:: Mint,Yuzni,K.Bear,K.Juanna,Along and K.Yat for lunch.
~*~*~This or That~*~*~
Peanut Butter ~ Jelly:: Jam.
Coke ~ Pepsi:: Vanilla coke.
Sprite ~ Mountain Dew:: Both.
Nike ~ Adidas:: Neither.
Gold ~ Silver:: Chrome.
Cat ~ Dog:: Neither.
Day ~ Night:: Night
Bath ~ Shower:: Bath, then shower
McDonalds ~ Burger King:: McD.
KFC ~ Taco Bell:: KFC, if I have to make a choice
Mom ~ Dad:: No choice
Sun ~ Moon:: The Sun, the Moon, the Stars
Ocean ~ Sea:: Aren't they both the same thing??
Maybe not. Well, I like puddles.
Britney ~ Christina:: None.
Justin ~ Nick Carter:: Grr.None.
N*SYNC ~ BSB:: Murderdolls.
Michael Jackson ~ Janet Jackson:: Neither.
Basketball ~ Baseball:: Neither.
Football ~ Hockey:: football.
Dark ~ Light:: Usually dark.
Tea ~ Coffee:: Tea. Cappucino. Mocha.
Hugs ~ Kisses:: I'd like both.
Freedom ~ Happiness:: Neither one can ever be fully achieved.
~*~*~Personal~*~*~
Straight, Gay or Bi:: Straight.
How many States Have You Been to:: Ive been to the whole of Malaysia.
How many Countries Have You Been to:: A couple.
What Color Are Your Socks:: Red and black stripes.
What Color Is Your Underwear:: Black.
What is Your Dream Car:: Doesnt matter.
Do You Have Long Fingernails:: No, because they'd be impractical for working in a bookstore.
Do You Paint Your Nails:: Sometimes.
What Are Your Phobias:: Clowns with pet spiders and needles that look like animal hospital shots.
How Many Children Do You Want In The Future:: I want 3.Please?
Do You Want to Get Married?:: Of course I do.I'd be stupid if I dont.
How many Fillings Do You Have:: None.
How many Cavities Do You Have:: None.
Are You a Lefty or Righty:: Righty.
What Is Under Your Bed:: Stuff that I've forgotten about because its under the bed.
What Do You Have On Your Walls (in your room):: Nothing.
Have You Ever Broken a Bone:: No.
Have You Ever Had Stitches:: Yes.
Have You Had Your Toncils Removed:: No.
Have You Had Your Wisdom Teeth Removed:: No.
What Is the Weirdest Place You've Ever Made Out:: Ive never made out with anyone.Honest!
~*~*~What Do You Think About...~*~*~
Abortion:: Sinful.Not for me.
Kids:: I'd like to call one of them my own.
Adults:: Ehh..... I am an adult. I think.
Love:: Love is wonderful when you're in love.Everything seems perfect.And I like the feeling.
Drinking:: A waste of time and money.
Drugs:: Another waste of time and money.
Smoking:: And yet another waste of time and money.
War:: War is like an endless waltz.
Suicide:: It really isn't the way, but some choose it.
Our World Today:: Its where Hell really is.
Yourself:: Boring and not very good looking.
~*~*~First Word That Comes To Mind~*~*~
Love:: Suicide.
Snow:: Storm.
Computer:: It hates me.
Water:: Rain.
Fire:: Trap.
School:: Bus.
Floor:: Linoleum.
Pirates:: Captain Jack Sparrow
Tissue:: Paper.
Music:: Music box.
Towel:: Soft.
Tampon:: Means it's a hellish time of month...
~*~*~Love~*~*~
Sweetest Person You Know:: Joshua.No doubt.
What Makes A Good Date:: Haven't been on a date.
Best Kisser:: I wouldnt know.
Worst Kisser:: I wouldnt know.
Best Hugger:: Does my nieces and nephews counts?
Worst Hugger:: I love all kinds of huggies!
Person You Have Been With Longest:: Joshua.
Shortest Relationship:: No comment.
Are You A Virgin:: Yes.
~*~*~In The Last 24 Hours Have You...~*~*~
Had A Serious Talk:: No.
Hugged Someone:: Yes,Qarl.
Cried:: No.
Laughed:: Yes
Cut Your Hair:: No.
Kissed Someone:: No.
Did Something Stupid:: Of course.
Blown Your Nose:: no.
Ate An Apple:: No.
~*~*~Do You Have~*~*~
A Car:: Yes.
A Camera:: Yes.
Your Own Room:: Yes.
Siblings:: Yes.
Both Parents:: Yes.
A Walkman:: Yes.
Something You Are Very Embarrased About:: No comment.
What:: -
~*~*~Basics~*~*~
Name:: Delaila Abdullah.
Nicknames:: Dee.Thats it.Nothin else.
Sex:: Female.
Age:: 18.
Sign:: Capricorn.Tiger.
Sexuality:: I'm straight.
~*~*~Looks~*~*~
Eye Color:: Dark brown.
Hair Color:: Currently,black.
Weight:: 51kg now.Kak Paru was right.Im getting fatter.Should eat less now.
Height:: 5'3 or more.
Shoe Size:: Size 5 or 6.Depends.
~*~*~School~*~*~
School:: SMSJ.
School Colors:: Err..I cant remember.
Grade:: Graduated 2 years ago.
Favorite Subject:: History and Literature but I sucked at both.
Least Favorite Subject:: Economics and Math.
Favorite Teacher:: Mr.Saufharddy and Pn Khoo.
Least Favorite Teacher:: I don't think there were any that were a least favourite one.
~*~*~Favorites~*~*~
Color:: Black, Wine red,Dark purple.
Movie:: More than one: Edward Scissorshand,Beetlejuice,Gremlins bla bla.
TV Show:: That t.v. is out to kill me, I swear. It stalks me. So I don't watch t.v. cause it scares me.
Band:: Also more than one: Incubus,HIM,Yellowcard,Silverchair,Coldplay bla bla.
Singer:: Saliva's singer,Josey Scott and lots more.
Rapper:: I don't like rap to begin with.
Song: Again, more than one: November Rain and lots more.
Fruit:: Apples.Red ones only thank you.
Vegetable:: I dont fancy vegetables.
Drink:: Water, vanilla coke,iced tea,teh tarik.
Season:: I dont have much of a choice now do I?
Holiday:: Doesnt matter.
Number:: 9.
~*~*~Do You...~*~*~
Smoke:: No. Waste of money.
Drink:: No. Also a waste of money.
Do Drugs:: No. Another waste of money.
Belive in God:: Most definately.
Keep a Diary:: Well, I call it a journal, but I suppose its the same thing.
Wear Glasses/Contacts:: No glasses, no contacts.
Have a Boy/Girl-friend:: I'm single.Currently la.haih.
Who:: Refer to previous answer.
Play a Sport:: Used to.
What:: Handball,gymnastics.ahaha.
Have any Piercings:: Yes, I do.
Where:: Just my ears.
Have Friends with Benefits:: I don't go for this sort of thing. I think it's just for people who are too weak to deal with an actual relationship. And none of you better even say (mimicking in a high voice) 'oh I've been through a hellish relationship, blah blah blah....' You think you're the only one? Get over yourself. I've been through more hell than I care to even mention, yet I'm still willing to go for a relationship with the right type of person. And I don't go for 'friends with benefits'.
~*~*~Have You...~*~*~
Smoked:: No.
Drank:: No.
Done Drugs:: No.
Gotten Drunk:: No.
Had Friends with Benefits:: No.
Used Someone:: I haven't used anyone for anything.
Been Used:: Bloody hell, I could lose track trying to count all the times I've been used.
~*~*~Your Friends~*~*~
Best Friend:: None.Just close frens.
Best Person to Talk to:: Hilly and Joshua.
Funniest:: Hil and Fudge but they're loud and witty at times.
Prettiest:: Certainly not me.
Smartest:: I really don't know.
Wildest:: Don't know this either.
Most Calm:: Shadz?
Biggest Flirt:: Fudge and Shadz.
Class Clown:: Hilly.
Nicest Body:: Shadz?lol
Most Trustworthy:: I dont really trust people.Just some that are worth trusting like Hilly,Josh,Yuzni and maybe Fudge.
Most Understanding:: Well, I don't think anyone really understands me, but they try.
Most Attracted To:: I just one person.You know who you are.
~*~*~Last Time You...~*~*~
Hugged Someone:: Oh hell, that was a long time ago. I don't remember.
Kissed Someone:: Err..
Talked to Someone:: This evening.
Cried:: A few nights ago.I was having an emotional breakdown and I havent seen Joshua in days,I was sad.So tears came down.
Laughed:: Earlier today, I don't remember exactly when.
Saw a Movie:: Has been awhile.
Went to the Movies:: Last year.
Went out with Someone:: You mean a guy?A date?I havent gone on a date.No Im serious.
Ate:: Dinner.Rice.Gotta stop eating rice now.Making me fat.
~*~*~Last Person You...~*~*~
Hugged:: My nephew,Qarl and Meera.
Kissed:: Refer to previous answer.
Talked To:: My brother.
Cried About:: Myself,my life,Joshua.
Laughed About:: Again, myself. I do too many stupid things.
Saw a Movie With:: I cant remember.
Went to the Movies With:: I cant remember.
Went Out With:: Mint,Yuzni,K.Bear,K.Juanna,Along and K.Yat for lunch.
~*~*~This or That~*~*~
Peanut Butter ~ Jelly:: Jam.
Coke ~ Pepsi:: Vanilla coke.
Sprite ~ Mountain Dew:: Both.
Nike ~ Adidas:: Neither.
Gold ~ Silver:: Chrome.
Cat ~ Dog:: Neither.
Day ~ Night:: Night
Bath ~ Shower:: Bath, then shower
McDonalds ~ Burger King:: McD.
KFC ~ Taco Bell:: KFC, if I have to make a choice
Mom ~ Dad:: No choice
Sun ~ Moon:: The Sun, the Moon, the Stars
Ocean ~ Sea:: Aren't they both the same thing??
Maybe not. Well, I like puddles.
Britney ~ Christina:: None.
Justin ~ Nick Carter:: Grr.None.
N*SYNC ~ BSB:: Murderdolls.
Michael Jackson ~ Janet Jackson:: Neither.
Basketball ~ Baseball:: Neither.
Football ~ Hockey:: football.
Dark ~ Light:: Usually dark.
Tea ~ Coffee:: Tea. Cappucino. Mocha.
Hugs ~ Kisses:: I'd like both.
Freedom ~ Happiness:: Neither one can ever be fully achieved.
~*~*~Personal~*~*~
Straight, Gay or Bi:: Straight.
How many States Have You Been to:: Ive been to the whole of Malaysia.
How many Countries Have You Been to:: A couple.
What Color Are Your Socks:: Red and black stripes.
What Color Is Your Underwear:: Black.
What is Your Dream Car:: Doesnt matter.
Do You Have Long Fingernails:: No, because they'd be impractical for working in a bookstore.
Do You Paint Your Nails:: Sometimes.
What Are Your Phobias:: Clowns with pet spiders and needles that look like animal hospital shots.
How Many Children Do You Want In The Future:: I want 3.Please?
Do You Want to Get Married?:: Of course I do.I'd be stupid if I dont.
How many Fillings Do You Have:: None.
How many Cavities Do You Have:: None.
Are You a Lefty or Righty:: Righty.
What Is Under Your Bed:: Stuff that I've forgotten about because its under the bed.
What Do You Have On Your Walls (in your room):: Nothing.
Have You Ever Broken a Bone:: No.
Have You Ever Had Stitches:: Yes.
Have You Had Your Toncils Removed:: No.
Have You Had Your Wisdom Teeth Removed:: No.
What Is the Weirdest Place You've Ever Made Out:: Ive never made out with anyone.Honest!
~*~*~What Do You Think About...~*~*~
Abortion:: Sinful.Not for me.
Kids:: I'd like to call one of them my own.
Adults:: Ehh..... I am an adult. I think.
Love:: Love is wonderful when you're in love.Everything seems perfect.And I like the feeling.
Drinking:: A waste of time and money.
Drugs:: Another waste of time and money.
Smoking:: And yet another waste of time and money.
War:: War is like an endless waltz.
Suicide:: It really isn't the way, but some choose it.
Our World Today:: Its where Hell really is.
Yourself:: Boring and not very good looking.
~*~*~First Word That Comes To Mind~*~*~
Love:: Suicide.
Snow:: Storm.
Computer:: It hates me.
Water:: Rain.
Fire:: Trap.
School:: Bus.
Floor:: Linoleum.
Pirates:: Captain Jack Sparrow
Tissue:: Paper.
Music:: Music box.
Towel:: Soft.
Tampon:: Means it's a hellish time of month...
~*~*~Love~*~*~
Sweetest Person You Know:: Joshua.No doubt.
What Makes A Good Date:: Haven't been on a date.
Best Kisser:: I wouldnt know.
Worst Kisser:: I wouldnt know.
Best Hugger:: Does my nieces and nephews counts?
Worst Hugger:: I love all kinds of huggies!
Person You Have Been With Longest:: Joshua.
Shortest Relationship:: No comment.
Are You A Virgin:: Yes.
~*~*~In The Last 24 Hours Have You...~*~*~
Had A Serious Talk:: No.
Hugged Someone:: Yes,Qarl.
Cried:: No.
Laughed:: Yes
Cut Your Hair:: No.
Kissed Someone:: No.
Did Something Stupid:: Of course.
Blown Your Nose:: no.
Ate An Apple:: No.
~*~*~Do You Have~*~*~
A Car:: Yes.
A Camera:: Yes.
Your Own Room:: Yes.
Siblings:: Yes.
Both Parents:: Yes.
A Walkman:: Yes.
Something You Are Very Embarrased About:: No comment.
What:: -
Friday, April 08, 2005
Burn Parames burn!
-Parames's back.And she sure know how to make me feel damn useless.That she was the one who made the effort to actually re-arrange the books.Hell no!It was more like messing the books.And she kept persuading me to exchange department.Like HELL NO.I'm in charge of my department.And I made a whole lot of effort to maintain the department.I spent a whole lot of time re-arranging the department and she wants me to give it up just like that?NA'AH.And I sure made it clear to her.The worst part is that she said as if the department depends on her to display the books!I was like fuck you bitch!Hello?Am I invisable now?I didnt just do full shift for nothing you know.I think I've contributed more than Parames or Hafiz.Let alone Alice and Mr.Ong.They're like workaholics.Hish.
- Right now dont think I can trust any of my colleague anymore.I thought I could but I was wrong.Azmi betrayed Yuzni and K.Juanna.And both of them are in big trouble.Especially Kak Juanna.Things arent going so smooth for her.I could never trust Azmi again.Poor Yuzni too.She lost her wallet earlier last month.God knows who took it.And now,her phone is missing.The most disappointing part is that the person who stole it are one of our colleague.I said that coz the store was closed.And no one else was inside except for us,staffs.Yuzni suspected Rizal,Hydir and Ina.Me?No comment.I was not there.If one of them stole it,it would me a major disappointment to me coz I know Rizal and Hydir very well.Both of them are like my brothers.God,this is so sick.
- I think Im not ready to leave Subang Jaya.But Im gonna have to if I get into MMU.But I want to study.Ive worked long enough.I dont know.Im gonna have to wait till I get the result.
- I miss Josh.Received a msg from Josh.That made my day.I miss josh.I miss Josh.I miss Josh.I miss Josh.I miss Josh!
- MAHAL KITA,JOSHUA.
- Right now dont think I can trust any of my colleague anymore.I thought I could but I was wrong.Azmi betrayed Yuzni and K.Juanna.And both of them are in big trouble.Especially Kak Juanna.Things arent going so smooth for her.I could never trust Azmi again.Poor Yuzni too.She lost her wallet earlier last month.God knows who took it.And now,her phone is missing.The most disappointing part is that the person who stole it are one of our colleague.I said that coz the store was closed.And no one else was inside except for us,staffs.Yuzni suspected Rizal,Hydir and Ina.Me?No comment.I was not there.If one of them stole it,it would me a major disappointment to me coz I know Rizal and Hydir very well.Both of them are like my brothers.God,this is so sick.
- I think Im not ready to leave Subang Jaya.But Im gonna have to if I get into MMU.But I want to study.Ive worked long enough.I dont know.Im gonna have to wait till I get the result.
- I miss Josh.Received a msg from Josh.That made my day.I miss josh.I miss Josh.I miss Josh.I miss Josh.I miss Josh!
- MAHAL KITA,JOSHUA.
Burn Parames burn!
-Parames's back.And she sure know how to make me feel damn useless.That she was the one who made the effort to actually re-arrange the books.Hell no!It was more like messing the books.And she kept persuading me to exchange department.Like HELL NO.I'm in charge of my department.And I made a whole lot of effort to maintain the department.I spent a whole lot of time re-arranging the department and she wants me to give it up just like that?NA'AH.And I sure made it clear to her.The worst part is that she said as if the department depends on her to display the books!I was like fuck you bitch!Hello?Am I invisable now?I didnt just do full shift for nothing you know.I think I've contributed more than Parames or Hafiz.Let alone Alice and Mr.Ong.They're like workaholics.Hish.
- Right now dont think I can trust any of my colleague anymore.I thought I could but I was wrong.Azmi betrayed Yuzni and K.Juanna.And both of them are in big trouble.Especially Kak Juanna.Things arent going so smooth for her.I could never trust Azmi again.Poor Yuzni too.She lost her wallet earlier last month.God knows who took it.And now,her phone is missing.The most disappointing part is that the person who stole it are one of our colleague.I said that coz the store was closed.And no one else was inside except for us,staffs.Yuzni suspected Rizal,Hydir and Ina.Me?No comment.I was not there.If one of them stole it,it would me a major disappointment to me coz I know Rizal and Hydir very well.Both of them are like my brothers.God,this is so sick.
- I think Im not ready to leave Subang Jaya.But Im gonna have to if I get into MMU.But I want to study.Ive worked long enough.I dont know.Im gonna have to wait till I get the result.
- I miss Josh.Received a msg from Josh.That made my day.I miss josh.I miss Josh.I miss Josh.I miss Josh.I miss Josh!
- MAHAL KITA,JOSHUA.
- Right now dont think I can trust any of my colleague anymore.I thought I could but I was wrong.Azmi betrayed Yuzni and K.Juanna.And both of them are in big trouble.Especially Kak Juanna.Things arent going so smooth for her.I could never trust Azmi again.Poor Yuzni too.She lost her wallet earlier last month.God knows who took it.And now,her phone is missing.The most disappointing part is that the person who stole it are one of our colleague.I said that coz the store was closed.And no one else was inside except for us,staffs.Yuzni suspected Rizal,Hydir and Ina.Me?No comment.I was not there.If one of them stole it,it would me a major disappointment to me coz I know Rizal and Hydir very well.Both of them are like my brothers.God,this is so sick.
- I think Im not ready to leave Subang Jaya.But Im gonna have to if I get into MMU.But I want to study.Ive worked long enough.I dont know.Im gonna have to wait till I get the result.
- I miss Josh.Received a msg from Josh.That made my day.I miss josh.I miss Josh.I miss Josh.I miss Josh.I miss Josh!
- MAHAL KITA,JOSHUA.
Thursday, April 07, 2005
Delaila's back.
-Argghh..So anoyying.I spent 15 mins writing my blog and then my pc hanged.And now Im gonna have to re-write it.ahah..Coolness eyh?
- My day started off great it seems.Went to pyramid with Yuzni to visit Alice.Went bowling with Yuzni since Alice was working.Bowling was fun.Havent bowled for 2 years.And boy,we sucked!Period.The ball was supposed to go forward right?Well,it didnt turned up right for me.It went backwards.How embarassing!Yuzni was lauging like nobody's business.But it was all good.I won tho.Had lunch at Pizza Hut.Ordered 2 regular pan pizza.There were only the 3 of us and 2 pan pizza.So we had to eat 4 slices each with a bowl of soup.But Alice had 2 bowls.lol.
- Bought 3 tops and a hooded.All 4 from Emily Strange and Ruby Gloom.Guess who I bumped into?The guy who broke my heart a couple of times years ago.His name I shall not state for I fret that some of you might know him.We were never an item.Never will I may add.But I knew he had this thing for me.And I for him.That was years ago.But when I finally got to speak to him.He was a disappointment.I thought he liked me for me.Turned out he wanted me all because of sex.Guys.He asked me whether or not Im willing to do IT with him.God.Get a grip.To hell with him.Rot in hell.Never thought I'd see him again.And I never want to see him anymore.Enough is enough.Ive learnt my lesson with him.Moving on..Talking about him makes me hate him even more.Err..
- Went yum-cha with Hilly Billy,Fudgie,Shadz and Yoke.Shadz looked great!Yoke was great too.Her hair's...short.Her gorgoues hair is now short.But its all good dear.Fudgie and Hilly were.....LOUD.LOL.They were so themselves.So cool.All that made the experience so precious and close to heart.Oh,before that,bumped into Seng Chee and his gf.Good to see him.It has been A LONG time.So happy to see that he's happy with his gf.And that his gf made a wise choice by being with him.I can see the happiness on his face!ahah.Seng Chee took my advise.I hope they live happily ever after and have kids!lol.
- Im happy when my frens are happy.All thru out the day I kept thinking about Joshua.Im still thinking about him.I havent seen him in 2 days.We're not together anymore but I still care.I care alot in fact.I dont know what I did wrong.If I did something that offended you or hurt you,Im sorry.I really want to see and talk to Joshua.Im worried.Really worried.Yes,Im kinda in denial.I still cant accept the fact that he's not mine anymore.But,if we're meant to be,we're meant to be right?Sooner of later,we'll be together again.
- I really miss Josh.Really dont know what to do.I miss him greatly.Hope he knows that the feelings that I have for him is real.And that I DO NOT want anyone else except for him and him alone.
- Parames is back.Im hoping that when I arrive in MPH tomorrow,my cookery books are still in order.If she moved it,she's dead meat.I repeat,DEAD MEAT.To hell with Jega and Vijay.The old Delaila's back.The aggresive Delaila that is.No one will be able to step on me ever.Watch out.Im back.
- MAHAL KITA,JOSH.
- My day started off great it seems.Went to pyramid with Yuzni to visit Alice.Went bowling with Yuzni since Alice was working.Bowling was fun.Havent bowled for 2 years.And boy,we sucked!Period.The ball was supposed to go forward right?Well,it didnt turned up right for me.It went backwards.How embarassing!Yuzni was lauging like nobody's business.But it was all good.I won tho.Had lunch at Pizza Hut.Ordered 2 regular pan pizza.There were only the 3 of us and 2 pan pizza.So we had to eat 4 slices each with a bowl of soup.But Alice had 2 bowls.lol.
- Bought 3 tops and a hooded.All 4 from Emily Strange and Ruby Gloom.Guess who I bumped into?The guy who broke my heart a couple of times years ago.His name I shall not state for I fret that some of you might know him.We were never an item.Never will I may add.But I knew he had this thing for me.And I for him.That was years ago.But when I finally got to speak to him.He was a disappointment.I thought he liked me for me.Turned out he wanted me all because of sex.Guys.He asked me whether or not Im willing to do IT with him.God.Get a grip.To hell with him.Rot in hell.Never thought I'd see him again.And I never want to see him anymore.Enough is enough.Ive learnt my lesson with him.Moving on..Talking about him makes me hate him even more.Err..
- Went yum-cha with Hilly Billy,Fudgie,Shadz and Yoke.Shadz looked great!Yoke was great too.Her hair's...short.Her gorgoues hair is now short.But its all good dear.Fudgie and Hilly were.....LOUD.LOL.They were so themselves.So cool.All that made the experience so precious and close to heart.Oh,before that,bumped into Seng Chee and his gf.Good to see him.It has been A LONG time.So happy to see that he's happy with his gf.And that his gf made a wise choice by being with him.I can see the happiness on his face!ahah.Seng Chee took my advise.I hope they live happily ever after and have kids!lol.
- Im happy when my frens are happy.All thru out the day I kept thinking about Joshua.Im still thinking about him.I havent seen him in 2 days.We're not together anymore but I still care.I care alot in fact.I dont know what I did wrong.If I did something that offended you or hurt you,Im sorry.I really want to see and talk to Joshua.Im worried.Really worried.Yes,Im kinda in denial.I still cant accept the fact that he's not mine anymore.But,if we're meant to be,we're meant to be right?Sooner of later,we'll be together again.
- I really miss Josh.Really dont know what to do.I miss him greatly.Hope he knows that the feelings that I have for him is real.And that I DO NOT want anyone else except for him and him alone.
- Parames is back.Im hoping that when I arrive in MPH tomorrow,my cookery books are still in order.If she moved it,she's dead meat.I repeat,DEAD MEAT.To hell with Jega and Vijay.The old Delaila's back.The aggresive Delaila that is.No one will be able to step on me ever.Watch out.Im back.
- MAHAL KITA,JOSH.
Monday, April 04, 2005
Handball please?
- Today only I received 2 phone calls from Alice.Kesian la die.She's not happy in Sunway Pyramid.And Im not happy in Parade if she's not around.But then again,we all are miserable without Alice.Maybe except Jega,that evil Arse.How can he do such a thing to Alice?He was damn happy that Alice's leaving.Dont think he'd last for a week without Alice.Coz all this while Alice did his work.Lets just see how miserable he'll be.I want to see if his good 'frens' the hypocrite Vijay and the bossy Parames will help him thru.I doubt it.Hah.To hell with him.
-Ish..soo tired la.kinda hoping I'd see josh.But there's no signs of him.He didnt reply my msges and email.Probably his pc is down again.Who knows?Maybe he's too busy.Maybe he's got a new gf.I hope not.Sorry.Was just being honest.I really dont think I can talk to him if he's not available.Coz my feelings towards him are soo strong.So strong that if he has someone else to love,part of me will die.Dont think I can handle that.Im not that strong.I want Josh!I want Alice!I want Hilly!I want to go yam-cha!I want to go One Utame to get new shades!ahaks..I want the new Sidney Sheldon's book!I want my Joshua....Life's different without him.Its like my life's an empty can.All I do now is work and sleep.I want and need Josh.Please?Pretty please?
-Hil,I want to play handball!!It has been a while...missing handball!!Count me in yah..*hugs*
-Ish..soo tired la.kinda hoping I'd see josh.But there's no signs of him.He didnt reply my msges and email.Probably his pc is down again.Who knows?Maybe he's too busy.Maybe he's got a new gf.I hope not.Sorry.Was just being honest.I really dont think I can talk to him if he's not available.Coz my feelings towards him are soo strong.So strong that if he has someone else to love,part of me will die.Dont think I can handle that.Im not that strong.I want Josh!I want Alice!I want Hilly!I want to go yam-cha!I want to go One Utame to get new shades!ahaks..I want the new Sidney Sheldon's book!I want my Joshua....Life's different without him.Its like my life's an empty can.All I do now is work and sleep.I want and need Josh.Please?Pretty please?
-Hil,I want to play handball!!It has been a while...missing handball!!Count me in yah..*hugs*
Saturday, April 02, 2005
I hate changes.Period.
- I knew this week would be life changing.I was right.This is life changing alrite.First,the break-up with Josh.After a year plus.And now Alice left MPH Subang Parade.Mr Ong took over GB.I took over cookery,travel and home improvement.The department that Alice used to handle.Patience from MPH Sunway Pyramid is replacing Alice.K.Seri's back.Mint's coming back too.Everything's changing.I kinda like when Alice's around.I liked it when Naz is around.When Weng's around.But they left.Soo hard to cope.
- Ive never in my life have to do the orders.And I have to do that now.Gonna have to do the PO.Gotta have to print reports.Deal with suppliers.And at the same time maintain the department.New books to be wrapped and displayed.Old books to take out and do the returns.All that would require me to do a full shift.Almost everyday.So hard to handle.
- Patience is a doll.She really is.But she's not Alice.She never will be.I wont be able to bond with her like I did with Alice.MPH looks different when Alice's around.In short,I miss Alice! So hard to work without her.Im carrying her burden.I understand now.
- Yuzni switched departments too.She previously was in Professional department.And now she's in Music department.And she's as stressed as I am.But we're going to help each other.She told me that she heard that Parames is getting promoted.If that happens,I will resign.Promoted as in head of the department.My boss.haih.
-Talked to Josh yesterday.Felt like a total arse.What I said and did to him,is so shameful.I cant believe i did that to him.He's the love of my life!Im sorry.Talked to him today too.But it was brief.He had some emergency.Think I'll be seeing him tomorrow.I hope.
- So yeah.My life changing experience.Not much of a change to some but very drastic to me.This has taught me to be more responsible.Wish me luck.
P/s,MAHAL KITA JOSH.always will.
- Ive never in my life have to do the orders.And I have to do that now.Gonna have to do the PO.Gotta have to print reports.Deal with suppliers.And at the same time maintain the department.New books to be wrapped and displayed.Old books to take out and do the returns.All that would require me to do a full shift.Almost everyday.So hard to handle.
- Patience is a doll.She really is.But she's not Alice.She never will be.I wont be able to bond with her like I did with Alice.MPH looks different when Alice's around.In short,I miss Alice! So hard to work without her.Im carrying her burden.I understand now.
- Yuzni switched departments too.She previously was in Professional department.And now she's in Music department.And she's as stressed as I am.But we're going to help each other.She told me that she heard that Parames is getting promoted.If that happens,I will resign.Promoted as in head of the department.My boss.haih.
-Talked to Josh yesterday.Felt like a total arse.What I said and did to him,is so shameful.I cant believe i did that to him.He's the love of my life!Im sorry.Talked to him today too.But it was brief.He had some emergency.Think I'll be seeing him tomorrow.I hope.
- So yeah.My life changing experience.Not much of a change to some but very drastic to me.This has taught me to be more responsible.Wish me luck.
P/s,MAHAL KITA JOSH.always will.
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