a compilation

My pc has been a real pain in my smelly arse lately.I wasnt able to go online.Stupid pc.Thats why I havent been blogging.But I did my homework.

05.05.05

-Nice date innit?I have a question in mind.How do I erase the past?I cant right?Everything that has happened,happened for a reason innit?But what are the reasons?So ok,I cant erase the past.So maybe you can help me erase the guilt that I have?

-What I hate now is that I do things without giving a deep thought before I freaking do it.And it haunts me.It scares me.I have to admit Im very needy.With all the things thats happening,I have the every right to be needy.Because Im too needy,I tend to annoy people.I just want a person that I could be needy with.Someone who wont diss me like a guy that I know.Stupid bastard.He came on to me and diss me?Fuck you! I guess I aint all that cute now huh?I think I should be ashamed that a guy dissed me but Im not.He taught me a valueble lesson.NEVER TRUST SWEET TALKERS.Period.I sure didnt see it coming.I thought I've found a person that would listen to my shit.He was listening to me and gave my advises.I thought he cared a little if not a lot but I guess he didnt care at all.I believed half the things he said.I really dont know what went wrong.And suddenly a text from him,dissing me?WTF?BTW,please dont think I like him coz I really dont.Joshua has not given me my heart back and I really want him to keep it.What I regret the most was that Ive opened up to him.I told him my darkest secret (well,not really).The things that bothered me.The things I hadnt told anyone.I trusted him.I thought he cared.But he didnt.He's just like everybody else.He's just one of my acquaitances.Acquaitances that I dont want or need.

06.05.05

- I know for a fact that some guys are big time arses.Rewind,I said some so if you terase,maybe you are one and you tak,congrats and I wish you and your partner well.Personally I think Joshua is the greatest.I really dont think I can find another with his qualities and trust me the people that Ive met arent even close to Joshua's qualities.He's responsible,not selfish,not afraid of commitment,independent and definately the nicest guy ever tho I havent seen him in a while.You rock Joshy dear and Im certain that you will make a girl really happy like how you made me feel undescribably happy and special.But sadly,I was so dumb that I lost him.My bad.It would take me eternity for me to forgive myself after what I said or did to him.He didnt deserved it.I didnt deserve him.Every that happened,happened for a reason.Maybe it was meant to be.Our break up that is.Maybe we're meant to be BUT we need to cool things off first then be together again.Or maybe we're better off as frens.Actually there's alot of possibilities.We dont know what in store for us.

- Girls has put in mind their ideal quality in a guy.Some wants their guy to be nice,sweet,romantic,religious and the list is never ending.But if you ask me,I'd say I want a guy who doesnt have my dad's qualities.I'd rather be alone rather than having a husband like him.NO BLARDY WAY.But then again the guy can deceive me.Just like how my dad deceived my mom.Do you honestly think that my mom was stupid to marry a cold hearted guy?If my mom knew,she wouldnt have married him.He deceived her.My mom got to know the real him after their wedding.I am paranoid.That's why I dont have guys hanging around me.I scare them away.Even the one that I truly love.Its really hard to trust guys when you have to a dad like mine.Coz most girls want a guy like their dad to be their husbands.Most of them look up to their dads.But I dont and he gave me the impression that no guy is worth trusting.He made me think that every guy cheats,beats and lies to their wives.

-This is going to sound blardy crazy but Im really curious on what the future has for me.Will I have a great guy like Joshua and get married and have 3 kids?(I always wanted 3 kids coz if you have more,you wont have time for yourself and husband) OR will I end up alone?OR will I end up with a guy like my dad?

08.05.05

- Today's Mother's day.I wanted to get something for mine but after what she said to me this afternoon,I cancelled it.

- I want this book."Live alone and be happy about it".I want.

Oh.Im soooooooo getting angels&demons the illustrated version...Soooo getting it..I dont know why they increased the price.its RM 135.90.da vinci illustrated was RM119.90.Im getting 2.im getting the other one for......you know who you are.Im serious.