what goes up , must come down.

- In my last post,I said that I have almost everything.But now everything that I thought I had is now all gone.My mom now seems to have a changed of mind about paying my college fees.I was excited about quitting.And I dont know whether I should or shouldnt quit.I mean,I cant stand working but I dont want to just stay at home.I knew my mom would change her mind about college.But then,I wasnt sure that she would but some parts of me told me that she will,eventually.I guess Ive never believed what that part of me said.I believed her.And now everything's falling apart.Im falling apart.

- My dad said what Im interested in does not matter.Its what Im good at does.That would mean tessel.I dont want to do tessel.I mean if I dont have interest,I cant do it.I just cant.And he said that if he pays for college he wants to take control of my life.And if I suck in college,he'll make my life a total hell.He didnt say that of course.But it sure was what he meant.He said that 30k is a big investment.In short he doesnt want to pay.He wants me to do a resume so that he can pass it to his fren so that his fren could give me a job in a bank.I dont wanna work anymore.Doesnt he has any kind of pity for me?Im 18 and I should be studying and I really want to study.I thought all parents wants their kids to study.Im not exaggerating.That was what he did/say to me.

- I thought my life would be something like my sister's or just a wee bit different.But mine now is far off.Every family has a black sheep.And in mine,me.I could never make my parents proud.Never was,never will.Never did I hear my parents complimented me.It was always k.zz,abang,k.eleen and baby.It was always them.Never me.

- Can I just move out?

- I wonder what its like to have an impact in other people's life.Im just 'that girl' in everyone's life.Sometimes I want to be the 'it girl' in someone's life.lol.Am I making sense?I guess not.