my oh my..

I just realize how pink my blog really is.
did i tell you that i have crush on my f&b lecturer?
mr daniel.eheh..kegatalan..
oh my oh my..
anyways.
ive been busy these few days.
not forgetting tired.
college is just as tiring as working.
i had my rooms division final assessment yesterday.
i think i did good.
i hope i'd score.

whenever my mom starts talking bout my dad,
she cant seem to stop.
and i dont know what i should think or say.
i really dont.
matter of fact,i really dont wanna have that conversation with her.
its just weird.
i mean,as much as i dislike my dad,
he's still my dad.
there's nothing i can do.
but,if i dont participate in the conversation,
she might think im inconsiderate and that i dont care.
i do,its just not easy for me i guess.

and as for joshua,
to hell with him.
i mean it.
im just wasting my time.
he doesnt care.
know what josh?
GOODBYE.
there.
ive said it.
my closure.

college?
ups and downs as always.
but overall,having fun.
but deep inside,
still alone and lonely.
i am happy but something's missing.
a missing piece to my puzzle of life.
sometimes i get so depressed and dont know what to do.
and the most stupidest thing seems to be the only way out.
you really think i like cutting myself?
i really dont.
but sometimes,thats the only thing to do.
i need to let go.
i need to bleed.
i just need to do it.

yoke told me that i need to start flirting.
i really dont know how and not sure if i want to.
i just want to be me.
and i hope people will like me for who i really am inside.
i donno.
im confused.
i dont know what i want.
can i share something?
most guys claims that they want someone special and unique,
and yet most of them go for the carbon-copy girls
and that just have to look in the magazine to actually know
what to wear.
isnt that just lame?

maybe how you look like really matters no matter what people say.
you have to be pretty and shit to grab people's attention.
and if thats the case,
poor me.

never mind me,
im just curious and confused.

nitey.