I was wondering..
What's Life?
What is it all about?
I do not have the answers.
But will post once I have an idea.

I had an interesting conversation with my mom earlier. About marriage in general. Honestly, I dont believe in marriage. I dont. I really dont. I have seen my close relatives experience their big day where they had their wedding. It was supposed to be a day to be remembered. It was, to them. None of whatsoever effect on me. I saw him in their white dresses and flowers and in their biggest smile. I also saw their marriage crumble. And most of it ended in total nightmare. It scares me.

I read in the newspaper today, a woman, Zainah Anwar, who's 51 and not married. The reason she's not married, she listened to her mom. And she's happy and successful.

Why do we want to be man's slave? Why? If we get married, thats what we'll be. Man's slave. Some call it responsibily, I call it slavery. If we're lucky, we get a good, responsible husband. And if we're not? Go figure. And how often do we get to meet good quality guys? Not that often. Slim chance. And I dont want to take that risk. Call me a scardy cat if you may,I dont care.

I can see right before my eyes if I were to get married. If I get a good husband with a good salary, I may end up like my 2nd sister. She's 27 with 2 beautiful kids. Not working with no life. No offence Kak Eleen. I heart you. She can work if she wants to its just that she doesnt trust other people handling her kids. So she decided to become a fulltime housewife. And she doesnt have a social life anymore. Her kids & husband are her top priorities. Which is good up to a point. She's happy, I can tell. But she told me once that she's sick of leading a very predictable life. Her life's predictable. She has 2 kids. Small kids. And I really dont think she's gonna start working anytime soon. So this is it. Her life. Till..I dont know..Till she wants a change..I guess.. Im happy that she's happy. But this is not want I want. I have an ambition. And it will come true.

K. Zizi on the other hand is trully blessed with a good husband and 3 gorgeous girls. And she's happy. But its not something I'd envy about. Definately not something I want. Both my sisters are bound by their husbands. They can only do something if their husband agrees. And I dont need that. I dont need that approval to do what I like. My parent's approval are enough.

My mom. She's not happy with her marriage. But what can she do? My dad refused to let her go. She's in misery. I can tell. My mom's marriage plays a big part in my decision to not get married.

To cut it short, I dont want to get married. It'll make my life so much better.