If only..

My fellow college frens has started higher diploma yesterday. I wished I had started too.

Ms Cheng from Taylors called me up yesterday morning. Asked me why I am not continuing. I told her Im having some financial problems. She mentioned that since Im a bumiputera I am entitled to get 40% off and that I can apply ptptn to cover the rest. I was half asleep and told her I have to talk to my mom first and that I'd call her back asap. Before that she said it'd be a waste if I dont continue because I was from diploma going on straight to term 4 higher diploma. I was happy coz I thought I had the chance to continue. I took Ms Cheng's number.

I showered and bla bla.. Talked to my mom. She wanted to know details. So I called Ms Cheng to ask her the total fees for higher diploma option B. She said she'd call me again in 5 mins to re-confirm. My phone rang in less than 5 mins. It was Ms Cheng. It was some chinese girl. Ms Jenn kot. She said the total is RM 17335. When I mentioned the 40% off, she said she'd call me again in 5. In less than 5 mins, Ms Cheng called me. She said that since Im not entitled to get the 40% off coz I didnt get it previously. So I cant get it anymore. I told her I joined taylors in 2005 and there wasnt such thing back then. She said yeah. They introduced it last year. So I said," its not my fault. You mentioned the 40% off to me just now and said Im entitled to it and now you're telling me a whole different thing." I was furious. Dont mess with me. Especially when Im VERY VERY EAGER in continuing. Messing with me means bad news. She said that I can apply ptptn and it will cover 16k of the fees. My mom needs to pay only 1k. I was not happy. Obviously. It wasnt right to ask anymore money from her. She's spent alot on me already. And she's not exactly the richest woman alive. Not when my dad's being a bum at home.

I thought I had 70-30% chance to continue. So now my chance went down straight to nil. I told Ms Cheng that Im not continuing. Bumped of course. Pissed at her. Woke me up and gave me false hope. Fuck it.

Met up with my college frens in pyramid during lunch. Was sort of sad coz I saw them all in formal attire and I wasnt. They were saying that the subjects were very serious and that they are learning everything in a manegerial way. Sort of. Zara mentioned that they neednt do F&B service. I'd be the happiest if I was in higher dip. Lets just say F&B is not my strength. It was nice seeing them. Really and truly.

I didnt think it'd be this hard to swallow the fact that Im not a student anymore. Im not studying in taylors anymore. What I did last month in taylors, I will never get the chance to do it anymore. I wont get to learn french and kitchen class. Dishwashing, not that I liked it. But as I recall now, it was fun. It was tiring. But it was fun. I wouldnt trade it for anything.

Now that Im not in taylor's anymore, I have absolutely nothing to brag bout. Nothing.

Akila called me up just now and asked me to meet her up for lunch tmrw in college along with Zara. Mcm segan. Coz ive got nothing to do with that place anymore. Ive got no purpose. Segan la. Why does it have to be very hard to get over taylors?

I'd give almost anything to study. If I do get the chance, I'd work my ass off and will make sure I'd get top student so that I can get 50% off. I dont want to burden my mom anymore. Why cant I be blessed like Ice? She's so unbelievably blessed. If I were in her shoes, I'd appreciate everything that she's learning in higher diploma. If only ey?