Sunday, January 23, 2005

None.

-So,Josh and I broke up yesterday.And I took it well,amazingly.Everything that happens,happened for a reason.And I accept that.Maybe we're not meant for each other.Maybe I was too harsh.Its ok.Ive had so many frustrations in life,and one more wont hurt,will it?It wont.I wont allow it to affect me.Ive made a few promises to Josh and Im planing to keep it.Of course I was upset and frustrated that this has to end.I mean I was with him for a year plus.Its not something I can just forget.It will take awhile to heal.And I highly doubt I'll be seeing anyone else.I dont think I need a guy.I dont know how to treat them.So why bother having one?I think Im scarred for life.Ahahahah..But really.

-So,yesterday I told Josh Im loving my job.I lied.I like it.Not love it.I love reading books but not arranging them.lol.And I get people bossing me around and I cant do damn thing about it.I get to meet crazy loco people who are basically whack.Ive had experienced the punching sensation where I felt like breaking some customers's nose but I had to restrain myself.So,whats there to love??

-Actually I feel like crap now.Im nothing.Im no one.I dont have anyone anymore.ahahah..Life must go on.Can I?Im soo thankful that I had Yaya to talk to yesterday.She helped me.Made me feel better.Thanks dear and remember I heart you!

Saturday, January 22, 2005

Decision

With nice little twist,
I slit my wrist...

Not waiting life to kill,
rather my own blood I spill...

It's my own choice, I have no fears,
only pain, in eyes some unshed tears...

On the floor, blood making stains,
slowly releasing me from my pains...

Bloody stains, stains like in my soul,
caused by all the pain, this life so foul...

Vision finally fading away, soon it's all done,
staring darkness, oh so black, soon it's all gone...

Soon I'm released, free from this pain,
suffering and life, it was all just in vain...

Thought, funny how blood makes difference between life and death,
farefell life, so painful, so useless, gonna take my last breath...

-2 freaking blogs for a night.What an accomplishment.If you happen to read it,leave a comment.tell me what you think.aite?nitez..

I know this much is true.

-I just love that.I know this much is true.Sounds so sad.Full of hidden meanings.God,that book rocks.Its cheap.

-I noticed that I havent been posting for a while.Life happens.So,yeah.Yesterday was Raya Haji.Actually it was the first time that my family celebrated it like Eid.We went to places to visit.We didnt do that in the previous years.It was rather amazing.And I had my ketupat and rendang.Ive been craving for that.Thanks mom!!Well I was rather annoyed with my mom later on yesterday.Reasons on which Im not going to state here.And oh,I had a whole lot of food yesterday.Which is soo not normal for me coz I dont eat much.For those who really knows me,knows why Im eating.But I highly doubt if Hil knows why..ahahah...

-Work was great I guess.Alice was in a better mood.She and I had conversations now.I mean we did that before she got possesed with the hantu cina.(you do know that Im joking right?)Mr.Ong was in good mood.Didnt he always?We even talked about teletubbies..ahahhah...Had McD.Yum~....

-Joshua?No comment.We're not doing so good.But Im trying to fix things.

Gtg.nites.

Thursday, January 13, 2005

Waiting

-*Sigh*.Im still waiting for my abang sayang.Why is he always like this?Its not like he doesnt know that I dont like waiting.I think I made it clear that I do NOT like to wait.It makes me feel so unimportant coz I made an effort to show up on time and Im expecting the same.But no,he just has to make me wait for at least half an hour.And right now Ive been waiting for like almost 1 1/2 hours already.And Im hungry.

-Spent the whole day sleeping.After all the days that I spent working,I deserve a whole day of sleep.Thats what I think but my mom disagree.Can you blame her?Sometime in the evening,I watched Shutter.It was pretty scary.How I love scary movies.My mom thinks Im crazy.

-Yesterday I was really emotional.I pissed Hil and Josh.Hah!Im mean and quiet when Im emo.And to top it all,I read the 7 habits of highly effective teenagers at the end of the day.Everyone should really read that book when you're emo.Not that I can listen to what to book says but heck,Im reading when I would usually break things.Or hurt myself.It has been awhile.

-Im pretty bumped coz I lost that book.The book where I wrote my poems.Yes,the book where I wrote my latest poem.I even re-write my vampire-ish poem.It was awesome.And I lost it.Bummer.And how am I suppose to update my poem?Gessh..

-Malas nye nak pergi kerje.Malas sgt.But I dont have any choices.Want money,have to work.Want more money,work more.Haiyoh.

-Still waiting for Joshua.Is he ok?Is he sick again?God,Im so worried.How I wish I have Ron's number.It'll be whole lot easier to get in touch with Josh.And oh btw,Josh is from the Phillipines.Yes,online dating.Yes,it works.Yes,its hard.

-Oh,my nephew,Qarl barfed on me today.Why he barfed?Coz he was crying.Why was he crying?My sister scolded him.Why did she scold him?Coz he played with water and spilled everything on the sofa.I was giving my baby nephew confort and he barfed on me.Thanks kid,thanks alot.I love you loads.

Wednesday, January 12, 2005

*sigh*

-Right not I'm talking to 2 people I care most.Hil and Josh.But I'm talking more to Hil since Josh is pretty busy.

-Went to the saloon to trim my hair with Hil this eve.Im not really satisfied.But Hil's hair looked great btw.Dont she always.*envy*

-My frens are leaving MPH.Im sad.Im lonely.I feel so useless.Im 18 and Im working when Im suppose to continue my studies.Its not that I dont want to.I just cant.Dont even want to think about what my dad said when I said I wanted to go to college.In short,Im not worth my dad or my mom's money.Enough said.

-Thats why Im working.To get money so that I can move out of this house or out of this life,perhaps.And build a new life elsewhere.Some things are so hard to explain.So hard to express.I guess some things are better left unsaid.

-Dee tgh emo.Think I got it from Hil.Ive been thinking.And it makes me sad.Really sad.*sigh*.Im dumb.Im dee.Im dee the dumb.Thats nice.*sigh*..

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Coolness.

When I woke up this morning I knew today would suck.Just the mere fact that I had to work full shift,sucked.*Sigh*....And so I went downstairs this morning and guess what happened?I had to listened to my mom's constant nagging.And it had to be 8.30 in the morning.I was like "NOt now,please not now"...Guess she couldnt hear me with all the nagging.

Tried waking my dad up so that he could remove his car but he couldnt get up.Tido mati sial.My last resort was....Me...I had to remove his car so that my little car can go out.Let me add this up,I was never used to driving bigger cars.Im used to my little bee already.Little bee as in my car la.Its kelisa and its yellow and black.Bee...See??ahahaha..And removing his car and all the fuss took about 10 mins.Not that long...But long enough to ruin my punchcard.Bye-bye rm70...

And so,I arrived at MPH umm like 15 mins later.And I thought K.Yat opened the shop but only to know that instead of K.Yat,it was Alice.And the hantu cine still rasuk die.She was still in a bad mood.Donno why.Nak kate Mr Ong tak de,yesterday ade pon,bad mood gak...Hish..

My closest frens in Mph are leaving soon.To study.For future.Future.Im not even sure I'll have a good one.I guess I'll never know.

Malas nak tulis.Esok ah.Bye.

Monday, January 10, 2005

Loco Madness

Date: 10.01.05
Venue: Cashier 2,MPH.
Time:1.11pm

"All the legends and the myths are real,
I exists I am here I am now..."

- That was the only thing I came up with.I wanted to write a vampire-ish poem but I couldnt concentrate coz Mr Ong's music bothered me.Mr Ong is my manager btw.I might continue the poem when Im alone or in a quiet deserted place.HAH! Like I can find a place like that here.I dont usually have time to write.So,when I do have time,I make sure I make full use of it.Make full use like update my third and my last blog.

- After I went offline yesterday and that was like 12.30 or so,I went straight to the ladies.I had business to take care of mind you.My tummy gave me problems the whole night.Yes,Im blaming the 3 gelas teh tarik that I had earlier that night when I went out with frens.I came back home and barfed like twice.Wasnt feeling so good after my mom called.She asked me to go back home since my dad was yapping about me.FINE.Thought my dad was going to ground me or something but to my surprise,he didnt!Yeay~...

- Offed the lights say around 1 am.But couldnt sleep.Im having a hard time sleeping nowadays.To make things worst,I got hungry.Really hungry.Wanted to get something but remembered that I encountered with something really freaky earlier.A RAT.ahah!So,I didnt get anything at all.I had a headache plak after that.It was bad.I couldnt sleep till 4 am.And woke up at 915am.

- Went to work at 12 and now Im doing this.*sigh*.God,whats with the song? Its some 80's song that I really cannot relate to.Ok...What book should I borrow today?Maybe some self-help books.Im in no mood to read fiction stuff.Or maybe tarot books? Shit! What to get for Shadz? She doesnt want fiction.Maybe I should get her "How to quit smoking".Girl,dont smoke.Not good....Brb..

- 15 mins later...Back..Had a chat with the security.Do you have any idea on how many locos that came into MPH everyday?Lots! We even have a few freaky regular customers.They never buy anything.They just read them.Like our store is some library.

- Arina came.We talked for a while.I think I should hang more with her.She's cool and we have loadsa stuff in common.Missing Josh greatly.Hope he's doing ok.Wonder what he's doing.gtg.I'll update later.

- Almost 3 according to my watch.What next?I can see that Alice is not in a good mood.Again.Mcm kene rasuk hantu cina.Joking.Kidding.Omg.Mr Ong's playing the same song again.Why cant he play cool songs?It just has to be jazz or some retro stuff.Finally decided where to eat.Book Cafe.Just got the feeling that this entry will be a tiny winy long.I need teh tarik.Addicted dowh.

-I'm back.Its 8.14pm.God that loco madness guy is back.I hope he wont bother any of us tonight.Just the thought of him makes me sick..*UWEEEEEEKKKKKK*..AHAHH.

- And so Ive decided the book Im going to borrow.A self-help book.7 habits of highly effective teenangers.My manager actually made fun of me borrowing that book.God,is it that hard to believe?I dont just read horror books you know.Somehow,I need help.

- I realize now that girls who digs pink.More like obsessed with pink are the ones that doesnt look good in pink.They're just being...Fugly..ahhah..

- This entry is definately long.Right now Im certain that Alice(my exec) is possesed by a chinese ghost.She has been behaving rather odd lately.She was cool and fun to be with but when hantu cina rasuk die,she's like..the total opposite of cool...which is...uncool and freaky.

- I want this book.The Element Encyclopedia of 5000 spells.Rm 129.90 btw.

- I can see that loco madness guy is bothering K.Florence.Now why cant he leave us in peace?Yes,this entry is definately long.

- And if you're reading this,stop asking when Im going to start studying.Please! Just buzz off already.

- That lady just bought a HTML book.It reminded me of Josh.Everything here reminds of him.Need I say more? Its obvious.

- Thats about it.This entry is definately long.Im not sure if I'll be updating my blog tomorrow since im working full tomorrow.Full as in 9am-10pm.Might as well make for 2 days terus.

Sunday, January 09, 2005

the day where Im really stoned.

Hi!! This is my first blog entry.Actually I have like 2 other blogs but I cant remember the address and the password.Lame eh?I know.

I dont know why I bothered doing all this since my life are not interesting at all..

Well today's my day off.The real day off.Yesterday I ponteng je.Sometimes the urge of not wanting to go to work overpowers the urge of wanting to get money.You understand or now?Probably because I woke up really late yesterday.Late as in 2pm late.Yeah that late.Anak dare ape nih was what Hil said when I told her.

My day started off ok.Woke up late again.Then bla bla happened.Later today went to the mamak with Hil,Shadz,Yoke and a few more people who I dont really know.They're frens with Shadz.I dont know why but I was shaking the whole time.And there was this cat who stared straight at me.Literally.Freaky.Like the cat has a crush on me or something.HAH!If the cat really has a crush on me,I'll faint like....NOW...God im soo stoned.

Hil,Yoke and Shadz were talking bout some stuff that I couldnt recall.Gay guys.College or something.God,I shouldve paid more attention.Its just so sad knowing that I'm working.I feel so old.And they're having a blast in college.I wonder if I will ever go to one.

Shadz looked good.Dont she always?Hil,like always,looked good tho sempoi.Yoke,stunning.And she said I'm skinnier.Is she blind or what?Min hsern,nice to see him.Havent seen him in such a long time.Zul,I havent had a conversation to judge him.He looks like one weird guy.ahaks!Bazli,mcm agak cheeky.Havent seen him.Today was the first time.

All in all,today was ok.Im talking to Josh and hil.God,how I miss my Josh.How I wish I could see him.Soon I hope.

I might upload my gothic pic.Was kinda nice.LOL.