God,this hurts.

Talked to Josh last night.Thought it'd make my day,boy was I wrong.He told me that he fancies some girl he met last year.Last year.He met that girl when he was with me.Oucchh. That hurts.Didnt think it'd hurt this bad.I feel stupid all of a sudden.Here I am,talking about him again in my blog.Seems that he's my fav subject to talk about.And then there's Josh,somewhere in this world,thinking about that girl when a certain someone in malaysia is in love with him.God,I sound so desperate.Maybe I am.Has been almost 9 months.And Im still waiting for him.I should stop waiting.Maybe he's not worth my time.But he has my heart..But he's my one and my only...God,this hurts too damn much...I cant handle this..

Delaila Gemuk

Went to salon and did my hair for 61/2 hours! Bloody hell!My ass dah cramped pon.

My ex-colleague told me that Ive put on weight.She was not the first.I am not happy.

Like I said before,raya is just around the corner.I wish that we dont have to go back to T'ganu.I really dont wanna skip Oenology class.I cant afford to skip that class.The class's too precious.

Ice..damn you Ice..Damn you!!I dengki nihh..

Honesty is the best policy,they say...

I AM: supposed to be sleeping think I'll do that later on.
I WANT: Joshua Carlo Leevanhoek.
I HAVE: to go to the salon in 4 hours and spend 5 hours there.Oh well..
I WISH: I had the chance to say some things I'd really like to say.
I HATE: the fact that I suck in everything that I like.
I MISS: Joshua Carlo Leevanhoek.
I FEAR: God.
I DANCE: very badly, it's just not one of my talents.
I SING: only if no living being can hear me.
I WRITE: poetry that will end up locked away in a box and totally forgotten about.
I CONFUSE: a lot of people, i'm sure; as well as myself sometimes.

Yes or No:

You keep a diary: Not a diary, a journal.
You set your clock a few minutes ahead: It's about 10 minutes fast, I just guessed at what time it was last time I had to reset the clock.
You bite your fingernails: No, I don't.
Take a shower everyday: Of course.
Have a(any) crush(es): The term "crush" sounds so middle-school...... I have an interest in a few people, but right now it's nothing more than that. I don't think any of them would ever have an interest in me.

Favorite:
NUMBER: I've recently taken a liking to the number 9.
COLOR: Dark purple, black, blue-black, wine red.
DAY: Everyday's pretty much the same to me.
MONTH: Doesnt matter.

In the last 24 hours have you:
CRIED?: Nope, I haven't had a reason to
BOUGHT SOMETHING?: Food.
MISSED SOMEONE?: Yeaps.
HUGGED SOMEONE?: Yeaps.
FOUGHT WITH YOUR PARENTS?: Just my mom but then again,thats like everyday routine.
FOUGHT WITH A FRIEND?: Nope.

Would you ever...
Eat a bug?: No.
Would you cheat on your bf/gf?: I'm single, but if I did have a bf, I wouldn't cheat on him. What the hell is the point in saying you want to be in a relationship with someone but you think you have to fuck around with others too?
Run a red light?: Perhaps if I drove an army tank.
Wear makeup in public?: This is a rather pointless question; I already do wear makeup in public.

Have you:
1.Fallen for your best friend?: No, I don't like girls in that way. However, one guy friend I did fall for.
2.made out with a friend?: No..Hell no.
3.been rejected?: I cant even find a decent guy to notice me.
4.been in love?: Still am.
5.used someone?: I could never do that; I'd hate myself too much for doing so.
6.been used?: Been used as a friend too many times.
7.been cool?: I really have no bloody idea.
8.done something you regret? Im only human.

Questions:
1. if you could be anywhere right now, where would you be?: In the Phillipines,I guess.
2. what facial feature do you like most about your boyfriend/girlfriend?: I don't have a boyfriend. I'd have to say eyes though.
3. when did you last have a hickey?: As if I remember.
4. If you can get stuck in the closet with anyone u wish...who would it be? Ooooohh..Definately,Brandon Boyd or Brandon Flowers.
5. If you had to admit one thing what would it be?: Im conservative and damn proud of it!

Fantasy VS Reality.

Reality bites.It really does.When you're in the fantasy world,everything seems perfect.You're happy.There isnt a time that you wouldnt be happy coz you're meant to be happy in the fantasy world.I guess thats why its called fantasy. And when you snap back into reality,you'd feel the burden in life.Things that you wish you'd never have to do or go thru but have to coz hey that's REALITY.

Have you ever done something so bad that you couldnt forgive yourself? Tho that person has forgiven you,you still have that guilty feeling haunting you. It is not a pleasant feeling,if I may add..Bloody hell,because of that,I am the person that I am now.Bleargh..

saya.

Saya sedih.
Saya lonely.
Saya nak Joshua je.
Thanx..

I miss you..

I hate it when Im mean to ppl that actually cares about me.I really do.I dont know why I'd do such a thing.But I do feel bad.Im such a pain in the blardy arse and I hate it.

I just realized that I have a crush on my fren who happens to have a steady gf.Oh dear feelings..Im not gonna confess or something.I wont..That'll be oh such cruelty innit?Guess Im gonna do what I always do,ignore the feeling and it shall be gone soon,I hope.

So many things to say actually but dont know if I have the rights to let it all out.

Put all that aside,back to the reallity where it hurts.

I have to be more serious in studies.I really have to.Its amazing,Ive put so much effort in my studies last term and all I got was average. Disappointing really.I dont know what I did wrong.

Bleargh..Guess Im gonna have to do better..

I miss Joshua.I really do.Never thought I'd be loyal for this long.

Gesshh..You do something to me.

That I cant explain.

Would it out of line if I say,

I miss you?