Sometimes words cant justify my thoughts. My feelings. Alot of things are bugging me. And I badly want to let it go. I really do. But I dont know how. Like I said. Words cant justify my thoughts & feelings. It used to work. I wonder why it doesnt anymore.


I still remember this time around last year, I was busy shopping for restaurant stuff. I was the Restaurant Manager so I had to shop for things like centerpieces. Whatever you feel like making. I cant quite remember what I did tho. But I did something simple. I could never do something bizarre. Its not my nature. Since Christmas was around the corner, I made my dear servers wear santa hat. They looked adorable. And how could I forget Ben, the dude who screwed me up that day! I'd never forget him. All I wanted was for things to go on smoothly and predictable. But no, he just had to screw me. I already knew he had something against me. But I didnt think he'd do something to jeoperdize ( whatever) my grades. I was being graded. But I guess I did fine. Nothing extraordinary.


Dec 23rd is just around the corner. I thought this year's would be different. But I guess its gonna be just like the previous years. The different would be having Dean in my life. And Im grateful. Really. Just bumped I guess. I really wanted to see him on the 23rd Dec. He's bumped all the same. Even more I guess. He's missing his sister's engagement just becoz his leave cant be approved. What bull is that?!! Haih. So yeah.


When he told me that couldnt come down to KL and back to Kuching, I got teary. After we hung up, I cried my arse off. I dont know why I cried so hard. But it was hard for me to swallow that I wont be seeing him anytime soon. And the fact that I dont know when Im going to see him again, is just scary. Ive looked forward to it ever since I came back. And home sux. Having him for just a day would heal ya know.


We're still going strong. Stronger than ever. Half a year next month. Time flies. We're still getting to know each other. But I dare say, we've moved up to another phase. A deeper phase. And its nothing but amazing. To know that a certain guy is just as serious as you and as commited as you in making sure that this relationship work, is just amazing. He's not just my bf. He's someone I can talk to. He'll lend his ears whenever I wanna talk. It feels good. Really.